 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> The Social Scene
-> Entertainment
|
amother
OP
|
 Fri, May 10 2024, 6:03 am
Is anyone else here watching od Nipagesh season 3? I feel like my eyes have opened up. I've been so cynical about how and if this really exists that much, kids being alienated to a parent. I've been very turned off from imamother threads, ami magazine articles, and constant letters and ads from broken ties.
As someone who has grown up with severe abuse and mental illness, and is low contact with my parents, and no contact at some points - I really was nervous tuning in about how I'd feel.
Suprisingly I feel very enlightened and I see the very drastic differences with their stories and stories like mine which I feel are often conflated. Their stories all involved divorce, and alienation by a parent from a younger age. No one like 26 and married suddenly deciding from her therapist she's cutting off her parents or something.
So far there's been no real talk of mental illness, gambling, addictions, alcoholism, or other factors that create households like mine, filled with neglect and abuse. I'm very curious to see where this will lead as they meet up and we hear more about what was going on.
| |
|
| Back to top |
 0
 0
|
|
amother
Babypink
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 6:33 am
Interesting. Is it in hebrew?
Perhaps I would watch it.
I'm confused though, are you saying that you don't understand alienation? Are you talking specifically about alienation versus estrangement?
I haven't watched the season,perhaps that's why I'm not getting your point
Please clarify
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
OP
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 6:53 am
| amother Babypink wrote: | Interesting. Is it in hebrew?
Perhaps I would watch it.
I'm confused though, are you saying that you don't understand alienation? Are you talking specifically about alienation versus estrangement?
I haven't watched the season,perhaps that's why I'm not getting your point
Please clarify |
Yes. The first two season were about etrangment due to goung OTD or becoming religious. This season is about etrangment through divorce, which is through aleniation in all these cases it seems.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
amother
Gold
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 9:19 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes. The first two season were about etrangment due to goung OTD or becoming religious. This season is about etrangment through divorce, which is through aleniation in all these cases it seems. |
As you stated, they are choosing stories based on reasons/circumstances for different reasons
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
Babypink
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 9:36 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Yes. The first two season were about etrangment due to goung OTD or becoming religious. This season is about etrangment through divorce, which is through aleniation in all these cases it seems. |
Shame.
Takes all sorts.
Live and let live is the solution in these cases when we're not talking abuse or toxic relationships. Humility and respect for others helps with that
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
Wallflower
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 10:01 am
Such a sad situation I know of a few cases like this it’s very painful for the parents they don’t know how to deal with things etc.
Therapist encouraged their children to disconnect
| |
|
| Back to top |
2
2
|
|
amother
OP
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 10:02 am
| amother Babypink wrote: | Shame.
Takes all sorts.
Live and let live is the solution in these cases when we're not talking abuse or toxic relationships. Humility and respect for others helps with that |
It's not so simple. It has to do alot with extremes, circumstances, communication, alot of big feelings happen. What happens when your twin and best friend suddenly drop out of being a famous soccer player alongside you and become frum and choose a life that's so far away from anything you've ever known?
You've only heard weird things about religous people. Now he tells you he goes to forests for hours and talks to himself and Hashem alone, it's hard to relate and it's not that you hate him, you just slowly stop speaking, because what is there to talk about? Every conversation becomes confusing, he talks about a God you don't believe in, he's political views have gone a 180, it feels like your brother is a different person. Slowly you start to just speak once a month, then once a year, and suddenly you realize you haven't spoken in 3 years. Then 5...
How do you break the ice? How do you just take the courage to call him up? What are you even going to talk about with the blood relative who is literally a different person than you've known your entire life?
This was a story from season 1 if I recall although I'm sure I'm messing up some details since I watched it a few years ago.
So how do you break the ice? Set him up with a religious stranger and have him follow him around for a week, ask him anything he wants, and figure out what's at the root of the lack of connection, what is brothering him, what he wants from life, and how he can find common ground. At the end of the week he meets his brother.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
OP
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 10:04 am
| amother Gold wrote: | | As you stated, they are choosing stories based on reasons/circumstances for different reasons |
I wonder if they'd do mental health/abuse in the future. It's an interesting idea.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
DarkCyan
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 10:20 am
I come from a very confusing situation and I honestly have no clue what I think about parental alienation/estrangement.
My home was an abusive, chaotic, dysfunctional, toxic, hellhole and I suffered for years. Eventually they divorced. Both of my parents carry the blame. I dont talk to my father anymore because hes so unhealthy and frankly dangerous physically and emotionally. I talk to my mother but find her very difficult and triggering and its exhausting. On one hand, she has been very kind to me in some ways and helped me with a lot and in other ways has been a very toxic force in my life even if unintentionally. I reconcile my feelings between both the gratitude for certain things and hurt from other things by maintaining a relationship that is limited and has boundaries. It would be easier to just have no relationship but I feel its wrong and not warrented for this situation.
I have siblings who do as I do to various degrees and other siblings who are no contact. I struggle with the siblings who went no contact because I think its wrong. On the other hand, I think broken ties and the material they put out is also very disturbing and take a very slanted view on the topic. These things have nuance and are extremely complicated and there really isnt a simple answer.
| |
|
| Back to top |
1
1
|
|
amother
Babypink
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 1:51 pm
| amother Wallflower wrote: | Such a sad situation I know of a few cases like this it’s very painful for the parents they don’t know how to deal with things etc.
Therapist encouraged their children to disconnect |
Here she's saying that the parents cut the children off
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
amother
Babypink
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 1:53 pm
| amother OP wrote: | It's not so simple. It has to do alot with extremes, circumstances, communication, alot of big feelings happen. What happens when your twin and best friend suddenly drop out of being a famous soccer player alongside you and become frum and choose a life that's so far away from anything you've ever known?
You've only heard weird things about religous people. Now he tells you he goes to forests for hours and talks to himself and Hashem alone, it's hard to relate and it's not that you hate him, you just slowly stop speaking, because what is there to talk about? Every conversation becomes confusing, he talks about a God you don't believe in, he's political views have gone a 180, it feels like your brother is a different person. Slowly you start to just speak once a month, then once a year, and suddenly you realize you haven't spoken in 3 years. Then 5...
How do you break the ice? How do you just take the courage to call him up? What are you even going to talk about with the blood relative who is literally a different person than you've known your entire life?
This was a story from season 1 if I recall although I'm sure I'm messing up some details since I watched it a few years ago.
So how do you break the ice? Set him up with a religious stranger and have him follow him around for a week, ask him anything he wants, and figure out what's at the root of the lack of connection, what is brothering him, what he wants from life, and how he can find common ground. At the end of the week he meets his brother. |
Totally get that. Awkward. Very hard. Thanks for explaining
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
Babypink
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 2:04 pm
| amother DarkCyan wrote: | I come from a very confusing situation and I honestly have no clue what I think about parental alienation/estrangement.
My home was an abusive, chaotic, dysfunctional, toxic, hellhole and I suffered for years. Eventually they divorced. Both of my parents carry the blame. I dont talk to my father anymore because hes so unhealthy and frankly dangerous physically and emotionally. I talk to my mother but find her very difficult and triggering and its exhausting. On one hand, she has been very kind to me in some ways and helped me with a lot and in other ways has been a very toxic force in my life even if unintentionally. I reconcile my feelings between both the gratitude for certain things and hurt from other things by maintaining a relationship that is limited and has boundaries. It would be easier to just have no relationship but I feel its wrong and not warrented for this situation.
I have siblings who do as I do to various degrees and other siblings who are no contact. I struggle with the siblings who went no contact because I think its wrong. On the other hand, I think broken ties and the material they put out is also very disturbing and take a very slanted view on the topic. These things have nuance and are extremely complicated and there really isnt a simple answer. |
It's very challenging. I can't speak to my parents. They're toxic confusing. I used to get off the phone shaking. I got a clear psak from a rav that I MAY NOT speak to them. It wasn't meant to be forever but until I have healed I will not be able to speak to them.
A similar organisation to Broken Ties couldn't hear the psak. At that time my heart was literally bleeding and so broken. Was as if amputated and so I approached them for advice and when they heard I wasn't speaking to my parents they stopped talking to me. All they could hear was estrangement when I told them clearly I didn't cut off I just could not speak to them.
Shame.
But this thread is about the breaking away due to other reasons not abuse. And it's alienating the child/sibling
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
1
|
|
amother
Cerise
|
Fri, May 10 2024, 3:29 pm
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
amother
OP
|
Sat, May 11 2024, 2:32 pm
All of the episodes are on YouTube but they are in Hebrew.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
