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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
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amother
Thistle
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 Thu, May 09 2024, 10:04 pm
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100%, and the higher needs babies will suck everything out of you.
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amother
Maple
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:06 pm
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Yes absolutely. #10 was so hard I was glad he was not my first! I might have thought all babies are like this.
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amother
Hyacinth
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:10 pm
Omg my oldest was so hard! She’s still very intense and needy to this day. It didn’t help that I was inexperienced so didn’t have the usual tricks up my sleeve.
If you’re formula feeding try switching to enfamil reguline it was a game changer for me with my other kids.
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amother
Seagreen
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:11 pm
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Some babies are definitely harder than others and firsts are usually especially hard. My oldest was like what you were describing. Couldn't be put down for a minute.
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Growing
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:12 pm
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this thread is so validating
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the world's best mom
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:18 pm
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All of my odd numbered kids were extremely difficult, and the even numbers were much much easier.
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amother
OP
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:31 pm
| amother Thistle wrote: | | 100%, and the higher needs babies will suck everything out of you. |
This. I feel like a shell of a person.
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amother
Copper
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:32 pm
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Some babies are more difficult than others.
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amother
Mocha
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:38 pm
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Yes, some babies are harder than others. And the first is hard even when they're relatively easy because it's so new and you've never experienced it before. I had such a hard time with my first, and he wasn't even my hardest. Truth be told, I find the baby stage super difficult in general and ended up stopping at 4. And yes, my 4th was my hardest baby. I just couldn't do it again.
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amother
Valerian
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:41 pm
My heart goes out to you. When it's your first, you think you are doing something wrong. You're not. Hashem was so good to me that all of mine were easy until number 4 showed up. Had he been my first I number one, would have thought that I was doing something wrong, and number two, I never would have had another one!
The only advice I have (besides for hang in there) is check for reflux or he's possibly uncomfortable with something he's getting in the milk. Talk to your pediatrician. My impossible baby stopped being impossible when we switched him to nutramegin. It cost us a fortune but saved my sanity.
PS, He's now 12 and has a super pleasant personality. So just know it will get better.
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Chayalle
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:44 pm
| amother OP wrote: | BH I had my first baby 6 months ago. He is adorable thank Gd and I love him dearly. However he kvetches non stop. He screams in the car non stop. I can’t put him down for a second. Ive tried to not pick him up too much and his crying just escalates. I feel like postpartum has been so hard for me because I feel like I’m failing as a mother. Trying to understand how people can do this over and over and maybe now I’m realizing that some babies are easier? Or maybe the first one is just the hardest?
Sorry if this sounds naive. Plz be kind. |
Yes I do believe some babies are more difficult.
Fortunately, it is not a harbinger of things to come.
My easygoing, sweetheart of a daughter was kicked out of 3 babysitters as a baby. They simply could not handle her screaming. I used to hold her all night....at around a year old or so (maybe a little sooner, it was gradual) she eased up and has been a dream ever since (BAH she's a Kallah now....)
Hugs to you now. BEH this phase will pass.
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amother
DarkMagenta
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:45 pm
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Yes!! I have one but worked with and had neices nephew babies. And asked others. Mine was a very needy baby. Still intense but much easier once started talking.
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chanasmom
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Thu, May 09 2024, 10:59 pm
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Yes. Luckily many get easier as they get older. It’s really hard. I just had fussy times with my kids at hard hours and found it unmanageable. I have nothing but empathy for you.
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Dolly Welsh
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Thu, May 09 2024, 11:07 pm
Give him a Nuk pacifyer.
Maybe you are already doing that.
The need to suck is very strong!
And it has nothing to do with being hungry. Two separate things.
A full baby can still need to suck and suck. It is a powerful, powerful instinct.
Sometimes a baby who is quite full will continue to eat and eat, sucking and sucking, distending his stomach, which hurts him. He will cry because of that. His mother wonders what's going on. She is giving him what he seems to be asking for, so why is he crying? That's why.
He wants to suck, but not to eat!
That is when you give a pacifyer so he can satisfy his need to suck, but he will not get a distended stomach from eating too much.
If that's NOT the problem, he will spit out the pacifyer and cry. That means he IS STILL hungry.
But you are doing fine. As the other commenters are saying.
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amother
Topaz
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Thu, May 09 2024, 11:51 pm
| amother OP wrote: | BH I had my first baby 6 months ago. He is adorable thank Gd and I love him dearly. However he kvetches non stop. He screams in the car non stop. I can’t put him down for a second. Ive tried to not pick him up too much and his crying just escalates. I feel like postpartum has been so hard for me because I feel like I’m failing as a mother. Trying to understand how people can do this over and over and maybe now I’m realizing that some babies are easier? Or maybe the first one is just the hardest?
Sorry if this sounds naive. Plz be kind. |
My baby is now 9mo old, ebf, and extremely difficult. She is #2 and my first was also extremely challenging (and still is at times). She has terrible reflux, is on very strong meds and I am off gluten, dairy, & s few other things. I would definitely recommend meds & maybe adjusting your diet.
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amother
Garnet
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Fri, May 10 2024, 6:08 am
Yes, some are way more difficult.
Personally #1 was NOT the hardest for me. #4 was the hardest.
I did have one super easy baby and it was wonderful.
I can't think of anything situationally different between my hardest and my easiest baby. Both born week 39, both boys, both breastfed.
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amother
Jasmine
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Fri, May 10 2024, 8:03 am
Please know this is just a phase. My 3rd was super colicky for the first 5 months and then one day was just the happiest baby ever and was a joy of a toddler.
Please take care of yourself. Let your dh take the baby in between feeds or give a bottle and do something just for yourself. I feel like one of the most difficult parts of becoming a parent is learning to navigate self care vs a child that needs constant care.
Some babies are definitely more difficult. Hugs it can be so so hard.
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rubyred
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Fri, May 10 2024, 8:25 am
| amother OP wrote: | | I’ve heard this before and really think it may be true. I nurse him and have also tried pumping and bottles but mostly just nurse now. I wonder why this is…I think the formula just keeps them full longer? |
If you are nursing and the baby isn’t an efficient eater for whatever reason (tongue tie is number one cause), they are simply not getting enough of a volume during 1 feeding as compared to a large bottle of formula.
If you have an unhappy baby, make an appointment with a pediatric GI doctor and ask for some reflux medicine. they can also check for allergies that may be causing general unhappiness. Also try gas drops.
Then make an appointment with a pediatric ENT and evaluate for tongue tie. Some tongue ties are not obvious just by looking. They are called posterior tongue ties. When a baby has a tie they don’t have a good seal when eating and swallow a lot of air making them uncomfortable. They also don’t nurse as effectively.
My first was incredibly colicky and I wish I knew the above information then.
Once the physical things are evaluated for, then ensure your baby is getting enough sleep and if you determine they are not nursing well then pump milk instead. If they don’t nurse well, the diapers after nursing will be lighter than diapers after having a 5 oz bottle of pumped milk.
Please also start using a baby carrier if not alreadyֶ doing so.
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amother
Oldlace
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Fri, May 10 2024, 8:32 am
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I think that one reason babies are so difficult I due to sleep deprivation. Listen to my sleeping baby podcast and get your kids into a good sleeping pattern. I am sure most of your issues will go away
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amother
Turquoise
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Fri, May 10 2024, 8:41 am
Many first babies scream all day because they are simply hungry.
First time mothers are still figuring out the post partum experience and breastfeeding can be such a struggle always but especially with a first it's hard to establish a good milk supply.
(I just remember reading recently that Catherine, Princesss of Wales admitted to this too! George was much calmer once weaned.)
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