What do you do at a wedding?

amother

Peony

Wed, May 08 2024, 9:09 pm

amother Slategray wrote:

Weddings should have a room on the side with couches and no loud music for the over 40s

And a stack of good books and some dark chocolate

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, May 08 2024, 11:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

I also often wonder if all the effort, time, and money I spend getting to the wedding (babysitting, gas etc) are actually worth it for the two seconds that I say "mazel tov" and am barely noticed. If I would dance, that would enhance the simcha, but just hanging around doesn't do much IMHO.

For the Baalei Simcha you are noticed and it gives them simcha to see you there.
They dont need you to dance but to just rejoice in their simcha.
You dont need to do anything, your presence is the mitzvah and the pressure to do something seems to be your quandry. You dont need to dance, just standing on the outskirts clapping and smiling is also fine. If you are invited into the circle, you can follow for a short while and then return to the outskirts. You dont need to strike up a conversation if you dont want to (the loud music makes it hard).
Just hanging around is your mitzvah. If the place is packed, you are free to wish MT and go home

An empty simcha hall at a wedding is sad.

Ruchel

Thu, May 09 2024, 7:34 am

amother Springgreen wrote:

I go to the chuppah , say Mazal Tov to the family, and leave after that unless it’s a close friend or relative.

If I'm invited for chuppa only, very rare here I'm not going unless it's in walking distance and even

amother

Canary

Thu, May 09 2024, 8:08 am

Ruchel wrote:

If I'm invited for chuppa only, very rare here I'm not going unless it's in walking distance and even

I think the poster above was trying to say that she goes to the chuppa only just to wish Mazel Tov even though she was invited for the whole thing. (I do that too when I can get away with it)

amother

Holly

Thu, May 09 2024, 10:11 am

OMG OP, feel the exact same way.

By vorts too... I never know how to just strike up convo with random people (and everyone else always looks intensely engrossed in convo...)

I just stand there awkwardly shifting my weight from one foot to the next, or purposefully walking to the other side of the hall.... and then back...., or chickening out and just staring at my phone...
ugh

amother

Poinsettia

Thu, May 09 2024, 2:28 pm

OP. going to a simcha is to honor the baal simcha and share with their joy.

That said, it is sometimes hard for lack of company and long, late hours.
good luck!

amother

Snowdrop

Thu, May 09 2024, 9:22 pm

amother Slategray wrote:

Thing is that's not the only problem. It's also getting dressed, wearing uncomfortable shoes and sheitel and being in a noisy loud space for hours while also not being able to have a decent conversation because you can't hear anything.

Weddings should have a room on the side with couches and no loud music for the over 40s

The bolded I have an argument with. Nobody but you or or your slavish concern for fashion is forcing you to wear uncomfortable shoes. My "dress" shoes are low-heeled mock-moccasin slipons that most people would wear for everyday, but for a person like me who is so hard to fit that I wear only laceup oxfords, this is as close as I can get to something dressy that won't cripple me. That's what I wear to every wedding I go to, including my own kids' weddings. So far, nobody has called the cops on me.

amother

Eggshell

Thu, May 09 2024, 9:33 pm

amother Iris wrote:

Totally, totally relate! What helps me is reminding myself that no one is paying attention to me or analyzing what I am or am not doing.. besides myself.

Agree with this. I actually use the awkward feeling as an opportunity to just be. Almost like a challenge for myself. I tell myself to live in the discomfort, it's really not a big deal afterall. I usually find the whole things somewhat comical. It's a strategy that works for me, but it doesn't happen very often where I don't know a soul at a wedding.

amother

Springgreen

Thu, May 09 2024, 10:36 pm

Ruchel wrote:

If I'm invited for chuppa only, very rare here I'm not going unless it's in walking distance and even

This is when I’m invited for the whole wedding. The chuppah is the least awkward part of the wedding.