Do you let people stay in your house when you're not there

anonymrs

Tue, May 07 2024, 2:39 pm

I did it once. After that one bad experience, no. I left all my personal things and things I didn't want them to use in an extra bedroom with the door locked. I specifically said that I'm not giving that room and asked them to stay out of the room. I came home and they had unlocked the door and used stuff that were in there. That's besides how they left our house dirty and a huge pile of all our towels wet and smelly. It's a no for me.

amother

Pink

Tue, May 07 2024, 3:27 pm

Someone I know said when she wasn’t home a guest used used her razor 😂😂😂
I just don’t get these people
Like with perfect guests I feel uncomfortable. But the things someone people do… thank Hashem you aren’t the one doing these things .

amother

Gladiolus

Tue, May 07 2024, 3:39 pm

My neighbor asked me once if her relative (just one person) can stay by me for sukkos when we weren't home. I felt uncomfortable but let. I came home and the place looked too clean for a guest to have stayed. Turns out the guest never even came in the end. This past sukkos when I was asked again, I said no even tho my neighbor was so desperate

essie14

Tue, May 07 2024, 10:38 pm

When I was single I lived across the street from my cousins in laws so I let her and her family stay in my apartment if I wasn't home and they wanted to come for shabbat.

Now I do not let guests in my house if I am not home. Never never.
We do host a lot when neighbors ask but not if we are away.

amother

Begonia

Tue, May 07 2024, 10:43 pm

I live in a house and let certain friends/neighbors use it when we go away for YT. I wouldn't feel comfortable with just anyone, but I trust these people to know their guests well enough that I'm ok with it. I don't allow people in my bedroom though.

amother

Junglegreen

Tue, May 07 2024, 11:16 pm

hodeez wrote:

I've only ever given up my room to my parents and inlaws

Lol...you're brave for admitting that. I once posted on another thread that I give my parents our room when they come to stay and was thoroughly lambasted and was told that there must be something wrong with us and/or them for doing so.

amother

Kiwi

Wed, May 08 2024, 3:30 am

It depends who it is. I have a guest bedroom downstairs. I let my friends sil stay there for second days. A couple with no kids. But when she asked if the father of the bil can join I said I would only put him in the kids bedroom but that has a bunk bed. She got the message and he didn’t stay here. I would only give it to people who I trust not just a random neighbor who is asking.

amother

Crimson

Wed, May 08 2024, 3:51 am

We have a clause in our lease that says we’re not allowed to… even if we didn’t I would only feel comfortable to let people we knew well or a close friend/neighbor’s relatives stay in the guest room while we weren’t home.

amother

Oatmeal

Wed, May 08 2024, 4:24 am

Goody2shoes wrote:

No no no.
I used to till I found that they went into draws and closets and touched things. I had a guest pick open my bedroom door lock, they were sleeping in a different room, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I thought I was the only one who had that unfortunate experience... they actually broke the lock on my bedroom door that time. Since then, no hosting when we are not home.

amother

Dandelion

Wed, May 08 2024, 6:57 am

I wrote no but thats for many reasons

My place is a giant mess. All the time. It is cluttered and dirty. I work full time and have kids with ND... my kids and DH have meds I don't want people to see.
I have confidential work papers and I am worried someone will find it even if locked up.

I am very cluttered and it would take me hours to get a place ready. Small apartment, many kids, ND, no guest room...

We also never go away... so it wouldn't apply.

At the same time, over YT a neighbor lent me their's for adult relatives to sleep. Not eat. We appreciated it a lot and I wish I could. She happens to not have kids, is super organized, clean... (her place is always spotless. Eat off floor spotless. She lamented her fridge wasn't cleaned out for my guests or kitchen not KLP. They aren't going to be touching her kitchen!)

We also had ideal guests who changed linen, swept up, took trash bag out... even made sure books on coffee table were exactly as she left it. Also left a gift for her.

Bnei Berak 10

Wed, May 08 2024, 7:41 am

amother Wheat wrote:

I get asked this by friends all the time for my vacation house. We let a few times last summer but weren't happy when we came and saw bedding everywhere and tons of stuff left in our freezer. Just basic courtesy was missing. Leave the house how you found it. Is that so hard?! So this summer, I'm going with no. I understand vacations are pricey but I'm not a free hotel. Our vacation house has personal things everywhere and I don't need people pawing through my stuff or commenting on our kids art projects which are proudly displayed all over. My main home? Heck no. I don't trust anyone that much anymore. Too many bad guests in the past.

People left items in your freezer by mistake or they took your food?

amother

Linen

Wed, May 08 2024, 7:49 am

I would if I was a tidy person. But I'm not, and also work full time so just not able to sort out my apartment before leaving. I've had well-meaning family members try to convince me to rent out my apartment while on vacation and I always say I rather not go away if it means someone staying in my apartment.

But, I'm totally honest about it, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I told my neighbor 'I would love to offer my apartment while away, but it's a mess and I just don't have time to clear it up, I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone using it.'

TravelHearter

Wed, May 08 2024, 8:05 am

Depends.
No to my master bedroom/bathroom, guest room yes, kids room mattresses on the floor. I’ve done it for people who I know, trust, and they are responsible for it. So yes, before flying it’s stressful picking stuff up but I don’t clean more than that (they bring linen, I tell my friend it needs a sweep, etc), and I do feel like it’s a big chessed so I try to push myself bc it doesn’t take that much out of me. Pesach is different bc if I’m leaving I’m not cleaning.

amother

Maple

Wed, May 08 2024, 8:17 am

amother Linen wrote:

Saying that doesn’t work. I’ve had people try to convince me that it doesn’t matter if the house is a mess, their guests don’t care. Well I do.

I voted no, then I remembered that I once let a guy stay in my house for a month and we were away for most of it. But he was a good friend’s brother and dh knew him a little. He was also a perfect guest, which is why I forgot about it.

I’ve let siblings stay without me, usually just a night or two and never in my bedroom.

amother

Aconite

Wed, May 08 2024, 8:20 am

I’m the OP of last weeks thread where they pulled out all my cameras.
I met the host outside and she told me that they couldn’t figure out my AC so they called a friend in who works in HVAC to see if he can work it out.
I’m done.
Sadly this was my first bad experience. The communication was awful. The couple staying here never once thought to pickup the phone and ask us permission before touching anything… as someone who’s extra sensitive with others belongings this crossed a line for me.. I would however give the house out again to people who’ve stayed here before and I didn’t have any issues. I feel too guilty to not let cuz we all have small homes and it’s hard to not be able to host married kids just cuz the you don’t have the sleeping space

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, May 08 2024, 8:42 am

I did once and never again.
We went away for shabbos and were asked if adults could stay in our apartment for their shalom zachur. We came home to broken toys. Not sure how the promise for adults only managed to break my kids' toys.

Since then I only don't like to lend space when I'm not around. Unless it's someone I know well (like a sibling)

I also started only allowing adults in one of my guest rooms (it's my son's room and he requested no kids when in yeshiva so his stuff doesn't get broken/touched). It started when I hosted a family for a simcha in town. They were given 2 rooms and the parents didn't supervise their kids at all. One kid (not baby/toddler) went into my daughter's room and found a container of beads under her bed and dumped the whole container all over the hallway. I had a sewing machine which was covered--in a corner. Not in a place they need to go/touch. The kids must have played with it as it took me 2 hours to get it to work again.

That's in addition to not wanting people in my bedroom. My private space.