Should we use savings to pay tuition?

amother

Tue, May 07 2024, 3:49 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

I wouldn't. It's totally wrong to take a tuition break in order to stay home and put money in any savings. You have an obligation to pay for your children's tuition.

I can also put all my money in untouchable savings then and ask for breaks. It's completely wrong

This is not the case. We are not currently putting any money in savings. Actually, we are using our svaings for living expenses, as I am not working right now. Which is a choice we made after many years of working fulltime and putting babies in babysitters. Now I am staying home with my other babies, only while they are young, using some of the money we have saved to get us through, plus my husbands income. I am just wondering if we should apply for tuition aide, being that technicially we can pay the full 110k at this time....

amother

Daphne

Tue, May 07 2024, 3:57 pm

These posts are sickening to me. Where are your priorities do you not think the rebbeim should be getting paid. How can you ask for a break if you can afford to pay. I get families who are working hard and cant make ends meet. But you have the money in savings if not for the most important thing in your childrens life what else is it for??? Many poskim will allow u to use masser $$ thats how important it is to pay for your children’s jewish education.

amother

Smokey

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’d ask them 110k is very high and you might be surprised it probably is so individual to the school you send to it really doesn’t hurt to ask

There are plenty of schools which have plenty of funds for tuition breaks just think of the most famous ones- those definitely do so it really depends on the school location, how many kids pay full and their donors

OOT doesn’t have that luxury bc less kids and less donations

amother

Ecru

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:59 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

Are you going to be helping OP make her children's chasunas when it comes time? Or support her when she is too old to work but has no retirement savings?

Jewish education is a priority. Not the ONLY priority.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, May 07 2024, 5:05 pm

amother Daphne wrote:

Sickening hmm

Not sure if you’re aware but for many schools full tuition is actually high enough that it subsidizes tuition for poorer families

Op isn’t wealthy and rather than dip into savings she should ask to pay for the cost of her kids education minus however much she brings in via fundraising

amother

Smokey

Tue, May 07 2024, 5:10 pm

amother Burlywood wrote:

110k tuition is absurd! Apply for a break and spread the word about school fundraisers when the time comes.

With your husbands schedule as you describe it wouldn’t make any sense to work. Honestly it would be easier if you did work instead of juggling that kind of schedule. I don’t know why posters here are so jealous. I guess the grass is always greener.

💯

amother

Tue, May 07 2024, 7:48 pm

Thanks for all your validation! I appreciate all the input. How does one calculate how much is needed to keep in retirement?

Last year, we had our kids in just one school and my husband was a Rebbe there so it was a discount for faculty.This year, his employment changed, and two kids are moving to two different schools. (Highschool) So the 110k is the total for our kids in three different schools, with 3 building funds, fees, etc.

I appreciate all the insights. May HKBH send us all parnassah with harchavah.

amother

Begonia

Tue, May 07 2024, 7:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for all your validation! I appreciate all the input. How does one calculate how much is needed to keep in retirement?

Last year, we had our kids in just one school and my husband was a Rebbe there so it was a major discount for faculty.This year, his employment changed, and two kids are moving to two different schools. (Highschool) So the 110k is the total for our kids in three different schools, with 3 building funds, fees, etc.

I appreciate all the insights. May HKBH send us all parnassah with harchavah.

If you’re both in klei kodesh I’m surprised you haven’t mentioned anything about asking daas Torah. That would be my first step if I was making such a drastic decision.

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 07 2024, 8:13 pm

We are poor. I work FULL FULL time. Professional but don't make that much (many reasons, including not having finances to start on my own or take that risk to lose steady but low paycheck. My field you only make money if private business). DH lost professional job, applying for jobs and keeps getting rejections.
I called our school and they didn't give any reduction.
If someone got a reduction because they were SAHM and had savings I would be livid.
We get Tomchei (hard where we live). I just applied to local bikur cholim for help for a medical bill. I had to think twice about getting myself a pair of shoes but mine are ripped and hurting my feet. And I bought the cheapest color/option.

It is still a choice to be a SAHM. There are ways to make money from home.
Are you cutting back everything possible? Any cleaning help? Using coupons? Walmart shopping? We are.

amother

Ultramarine

Tue, May 07 2024, 8:40 pm

I live OOT in a community where it's well-known that they charge more than the amount it costs to educate your child, so asking for a tuition reduction is not as extreme as it would be in another city.

We asked our rav and were told to apply and take whatever reduction we got. We have been giving huge chunks of our maaser money to the community's schools since well before we had any tuitions to pay, as per our rav's advice, and we hope to do so well after they graduate as well. We paid full tuition for years, until it was literally draining our savings and we realized that if we didn't stop this year we'd definitely have to stop at some point soon...and then we'd have no savings for things that we'd need in the future (simchas, unexpected medical bills, home repairs, etc.).

We also called the schools and asked them because we felt uncomfortable. Got the same answers from them -- apply and see what happens. There's no issue applying, and they will decide if/how much to offer you as a reduction.

We did. One school gave us a small reduction. Another (which has a much bigger budget and does a lot more fundraising) gave us a significant one. A third (a high school) gave us a medium-sized one.

Note that we live very simply. No cleaning help, no take-out or ready-made food, no expensive vacations (only driving to relatives or every few years something driveable that costs a couple of hundred dollars max), lots of hand-me-downs and sales and doing without. If I were splurging on other things, I'd feel more guilty doing this.

ETA: My husband is in klei kodesh too, but not a rebbe in our kids' schools, so no tuition reduction for that. I work very PT from home because for various reasons working more than that is not a viable option for our family at this point. I'm sorry if you think I'm being selfish for prioritizing mine and my family's sanity, but having two parents work as much as possible no matter what the impact on the family because otherwise they're stealing potential tuition...I'm sorry, I just don't think that's fair or the right perspective on what we're supposed to be doing.

amother

Clear

Tue, May 07 2024, 8:41 pm

amother Ginger wrote:

Sorry this post is triggering but obviously if the school reduces for her it’s because they can and the families on tomchei that are really struggling also get…

amother

Poppy

Tue, May 07 2024, 8:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

No I don't think so

Apply for assistance you sound very very responsible and reasonable

amother

Kiwi

Tue, May 07 2024, 8:43 pm

amother Ginger wrote:

Quote:

I called our school and they didn't give any reduction

.
If someone got a reduction because they were SAHM and had savings I would be livid.
We get Tomchei (hard where we live). I just applied to local bikur cholim for help for a medical bill. I had to think twice about getting myself a pair of shoes but mine are ripped and hurting my feet. And I bought the cheapest color/option.

It is still a choice to be a SAHM. There are ways to make money from home.
Are you cutting back everything possible? Any cleaning help? Using coupons? Walmart shopping? We are.

I think this is where the difference lies between you and OP. You asked and were told no. She hasn't asked and the school may say yes. Every school is run differently and her situation isn't the same as yours, for obvious reasons. Maybe her kids schools are well funded and can easily give her a break so she can stop eating into retirement or savings. Until she puts her financial picture in front of the tuition committee, this is all speculation. If she gets a break, it doesn't take away from you. The school that told you no is the problem. Not OP, for trying to prevent running through every last dollar before asking for help. 110k a year is a huge financial burden. Huge.

amother

Ecru

Tue, May 07 2024, 8:56 pm

amother Ginger wrote:

I'm paying what I can for tuition even though I have two looming utility shutoff notices and my rent is late. We don't have cleaning help and use Walmart almost exclusively. No Tomchei here. I don't have savings, my credit cards are all closed because they are maxed out and we're behind on payments, and our Chol Hamoed trip was a video rental. I may not win the poverty olympics, but I'm a contender.

I still don't think that OP should have to use up all of her savings on tuition. I would be upset to hear that families who worked hard to save for chasunas and retirement are expected to use it all up now and have no plan for the future.

She may be a SAHM but that doesn't mean that she is a lazy leech. She has small children, her husband is not around much and she isn't living the high life. She should not have to reduce herself to utter penury or work herself to the bone to get a discount on tuition.