What to do 8 yr old doesn't clean up

amother

Sun, May 05 2024, 4:51 pm

What are ideas to do? Give me them all. I'm at a bit of a loss. I have CFS and it's hard for me to clean up after her but it's not in her nature to clean up or to be cooperative. I was reading in a parenting book "children the challenge" to leave the room the way it is and to not clean any laundry that is not in the hamper and not put away clothing in her room if it's difficult to get inside the room. I can not see this going over well. I think my daughter will not cope and will feel completely abandoned by me.

What are ways to deal with this issue. She doesn't put her things in the hamper, her toys away or make her bed. She has no boundaries and I do everything for her.

amother

Rose

Sun, May 05 2024, 4:55 pm

Charts, incentives and prizes. Really the only way. And my kids outgrew them and it became second nature.
Another method I use is tell them I'm putting the xyz toys away permanently because you aren't cleaning it. Sometimes you have to actually lock it away. They beg I say ok we will do a trial and see if you clean it up.
About laundry you say this needs to be picked up and put in the hamper, you can say you aren't moving on to whatever you do next until she does it.
I don't push making their beds, they all start on their eventually but I feel it's not such an issue and I spend more time on laundry, toys and cleaning up their dirty plates.

amother

Sun, May 05 2024, 5:05 pm

With toys she plays in her room with dolls and matches so she won't clean it up right away because it's like a little village and she's always in the middle. So I don't have the confidence to know when to tell her to clean up. It becomes overwhelming though and then when there is no more room in her room she plays in the basement. I already stopped her from playing in the dining room and living room. She used to have toys all over the house.

amother

Rose

Sun, May 05 2024, 5:11 pm

When they are in middle of a game I give them a 3 day allowance as long as it’s just those toys. I’ll say put all the other stuff away and that can stay out 2 more days. I find it gets messy after that time and is better to start new. Or you can put up a shelf or get her a table and tell her she can play on there and keep it set up permanently.

amother

Black

Sun, May 05 2024, 5:25 pm

I'm not an expert and definitely following for ideas but I noticed that I have to stay on top of the "spread." For example, on shabbat the play area gets pretty crazy messy and we kind of let it happen so we can relax. But then I notice when they run out of space in there, they start playing in another room, like you said.

I try to catch the spread when it happens and make them go back and clean up the original room. They definitely grumble but then they have more space to play so it doesn't last too long. The original mess might be overwhelming so I'll assign jobs. And we clean up the play area before bedtime usually unless there's some small structure they're saving. When they complain I'm just matter of fact. There's no room to play. When you clean up you'll have space to play. If your toys are on the floor in the kitchen or dining room, they'll get stepped on and tripped on and lost, or Mommy will throw them out when she gets tired of stepping on them.

amother

Honeysuckle

Sun, May 05 2024, 5:34 pm

My 11 year old son calls me an Irresponsible mother for not washing his clothing from the floor. I laugh and tell him his wife will hate me if I do t teach him to put his clothing in the hamper.