Modern Orthodox Communities

amother

Melon

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:40 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

If your brother does not keep shabbat, he is NO type of orthodox.
Modern orthodox people keep shabbat. So you are not really looking for an orthodox community.

There are communities of jews who have stopped being frum. That sounds more like what your brother is.

Please look up what modern orthodox ACTUALLY means. Because you are far off base with it.

He would be very comfortable in most cities or suburbs that have Jewish people. The majority of people
who identify as "Jewish" do not observe Shabbos or even keep kosher but do identify strongly with the culture and traditions. They are not hard to find at all

I agree that he isn't Orthodox. However, there are many gradations of Jewish. He might be most comfortable with those who affiliate with a Conservative synagogue.

In many ways Conservative Judaism as practiced in the US is more similar to Orthodox Judaism as it was practiced a few decades ago.

On the far end of the continuum would be Humanistic Judaism

amother

Gardenia

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:03 am

OP is looking for a community for her brother, not an identity, at least as far as I understand. There are lots of people who happily enjoy being part of MO communities socially and ritually, but on their own terms and despite living a not-very-observant lifestyle personally. OP's brother would be welcome to daven or just attend events sporadically in my MO shul and many people would be happy to invite him for a meal. Maybe he would grow in his personal observance, or maybe he wouldn't.

I have an older male relative who regularly comes to our shul Shabbos morning. He is not shomer Shabbos or kashrus at all, but he likes to come to our shul on Shabbos and sometimes to certain other events. There are a handful of men and women like this. My relative davens Shabbos morning, he has friends he likes to schmooze with at kiddush, and people are perfectly nice to him. I think it's wonderful that he is part of our community to some extent, as opposed to not being involved at all in the frum world.

singleagain

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:11 am

amother Gardenia wrote:

I think the caution in using the wrong identity is a that is has connotations, especially if he is interested in getting married. As. A modern Orthodox person myself. I want to make sure the man I am marrying will also be modern Orthodox... And not just bc I want it. I want someone who is FBC (frum by choice) and not FFS (frum for spouse).

I had a guy friend growing up who stopped being frum... If he had stayed frum I could have seen myself married to him, but I don't want him to say "ok let's get married and I'll become religious" I need him to choose religion first and then I would consider getting married.

amother

Lemon

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:18 am

singleagain wrote:

Hmm it’s a large spectrum and it’s great he wants the connection of a MO community

While dating he’s bound to find girls like minded they tend to be more spiritual anyways.

I know a few in their 30s who keep less than theyre upbringing but want to keep some traditionally they’re in Flatbush now.

singleagain

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:22 am

amother Lemon wrote:

Less than their upbringing, is still a wide spectrum. My point is don't use labels that are not and really almost never have been universal.

I'm sure a yeshivish community would not like me to come into their community and say "I'm also yeshivish" when I'm not.

So, all I'm saying, is come to our modern Orthodox community, come to our shuls and shiurim and community events. We welcome you, just make sure you are honest about what you keep/are looking for in a spouse so no one feels tricked into marriage.

Comptroller

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:38 pm

I think any community that calls itself "orthodox" as opposed to reform, or conservative, or reconstructionist will do for him, because in general "orthodox" "unity communities" have a whole spectrum from very partial observance to modern orthodox (read: shomer shabbat, kashrut, taharat ha mishpacha).

I suppose that in a unity community he could find his place, because on the one side he probably has had and intense jewish education, (so maybe he could be baal tefila, baal koreh if the community needs it), but on the other hand nobody will judge him if his level of observance is not strictly orthodox. And I suppose the further away he goes from jewish centers, the easier it will be for him to find a community which will respect his knowledge without judging his observance.

On the other hand, it has to match his other plans in life.... So maybe he should first find a job and then look for a community where he found his job?

funkyfrummom

Thu, May 02 2024, 6:47 pm

I think he should seek a growing city with job opportunities that relate to his career interests, that has a growing Chabad House. Attend the Chabad House or a unity-focused Orthodox shul (which in that type of city/town will have a range of observance from MO machmir transplants to traditional/"conservadox"). I have lived in several such communities. Folks are very welcoming and he will be a valued member of the Jewish community (as opposed to not being noticed/slipping by wayside or being unwelcome due to his shaky observance, as someone above mentioned they would be). If you are looking for some sample cities, try googling something like fastest growing cities for Gen Z (or Millennials, you didn't say his age). I would look for places in the Southeast, Midwest, and Northwest.

Additional benefit: Chabad within a growing community could potentially connect him to lots of potential shidduchim, particularly BTs. If he gets good employment in the city/town, I would imagine a future wife would be open to coming there to live as marrieds. Many people are not looking to settle in NY/NJ, so his being in a nice OOT growing community could be a plus shidduchim wise. (Having a Friend-of-Chabad affiliation is different from being frum/chassidish Lubavitch. There is a wide spectrum of observance amongst friends of Chabad.)

Re UWS, it is a good fit for some, but I think many singles get absolutely destroyed by the UWS singles culture (maybe this is more for women than men, though, as that is where I hear it from). By destroyed, I only mean that it is easy to find a friendly group of singles to share Shabbosim but harder to settle down with someone... something that it seems like OPs brother is looking forward to.

The only advice given that I disagree with outright is to encourage him to affiliate with a Conservative shul. Our fellow Yidden-YES! Good people to be found there, OF COURSE! I have known some amazing people who identify with that movement... but just because OP brother's observance is lacking now is not a reason to go to a synagogue where the "party line" is that the Torah is not given from Hashem... and then all the problems that manifest b/c of their mistaken interpretation (patrilineal descent, women counted in minyan and having role of rav, etc.)

edited for typo

Aurora

Mon, May 13 2024, 8:35 am

funkyfrummom wrote:

Conservative does not hold by patrilineal descent. And I only said that because OP was describing what sounded like a Conservative schul and was calling it MO.

amother

Tealblue

Mon, May 13 2024, 12:00 pm

Lady A wrote:

Lower Merion, Pennsylvania.

This is a lovely friendly community (I live here!) but vast majority are families, I don’t think it’s a good fit for a single guy. And it’s really expensive.

Center City Philadelphia though could be a good fit if he wants a city setting that isn’t NYC and is more interested in a socially Jewish/traditional setting. There are several very accepting non judgmental orthodox or chabad shuls that attract a lot of young professionals who are pretty diverse in terms of observance etc. It’s way more affordable than NYC and the eruv is really big so you can live in a lot neighborhoods. Vegan kosher restaurants.

amother

Seagreen

Mon, May 13 2024, 12:34 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Yes, im aware what traditional is, my husband grew up in south africa.
I was explaining how her brother is NOT modern orthodox.

As I'm reading I'm thinking South Africa is probably one of the only places in the world where there's are communities of people who are Orthodox but don't keep Shabbos.
I'll explain, Weddings, Bris, Bar Mitzva, Gitin, everything is done through the Beis Din according to Halacha by most of the community.
Hes welcome to come to Joburg!

amother

Sapphire

Mon, May 13 2024, 2:02 pm

Not reading the all the responses , but it sounds like he is looking for traditional jewish/ 1950's style conservative vs. modern orthodoxy. Is this about where to meet someone like minded or is he looking to find a community/ a shul to join?

Ashkenazi communities like this have pretty much died out, but that traditional jewish but not fully observant culture is alive and well in some Sephardic communities, or he may feel comfortable in the more LW communities.

It is also super common in here Israel - like people who will go to shul and do shabbos dinner but then go to the beach, keep tahahras hamishpacha, and kosher. They are not ideologically conservative or reform have no interest in saying that its ok to drive on shabbos, they believe n torah misianai and g-d, they aren't looking for women rabbis or chazzanim, they just don't feel up to actually being shomer shabbos.
I would actually recommend outside of the tristate area where there tend to be more of a mix on levels of religiosity in some of the shuls.

If he is in a college town, Hillel could be a good place to meet people who are traditional. Chabad is as well, but may feel to "kiruvy" for him. Miami and LA also both have a vibrant traditional jewish singles scene. Also getting involved in pro israel activism is a good way to meet people....

What's his deal career whise/ financially