Worth millions and still breaking our heads how to live...

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 5:42 pm

amother DarkRed wrote:

This is wonderful. Maybe I should start a spin-off but if you are a career woman (just guessing because of the work car), how much of your day do you spend working and how much time do you have with your kids (or for yourself, before kids come home).

I was recently offered a huge life changing opportunity that would potentially give us financial freedom but would leave me out of the house (or home and unavailable) for many hours. I’m so completely petrified but at the same time super excited about the potential. I’m in your age bracket, for reference, so no little babies at home anymore…

Yup, career woman here. I work from 8.30am until my youngest gets home at 3, then from 4-5, and I'll check my messages and emails periodically throughout the evening. I can make breakfast for my kids, get everyone on the bus, be waiting when they get home and have dinner / homework time in the evening, every day. I don't work weekends or chol hamoed. It took me 14 years to get here but for the first ten, I left the house at 6.30am and returned 6.30pm, sometimes 7. I took calls on weekends and constantly felt like I was working. I reached a point in my career where I was able to become a co-owner of the business and later, opened my own boutique practice as the sole owner. Now, I have personal freedom and a bigger income than ever. If I was in your position, I'd take the challenge and do it. See how it goes. Life changing chances don't come everyday and you can always leave if you aren't happy. Just my two cents. Good luck!

amother

DarkRed

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 6:01 pm

amother Honeydew wrote:

It took me 14 years to get here but for the first ten, I left the house at 6.30am and returned 6.30pm, sometimes 7. I took calls on weekends and constantly felt like I was working. I reached a point in my career where I was able to become a co-owner of the business and later, opened my own boutique practice as the sole owner. Now, I have personal freedom and a bigger income than ever. If I was in your position, I'd take the challenge and do it. See how it goes. Life changing chances don't come everyday and you can always leave if you aren't happy. Just my two cents. Good luck!

My situation is very similar except that I cut down to a couple of hours a day while raising my kids (and while I had the financial ability to do so). I have an offer to be a partner, while now I’m an employee. Financial freedom is worth a lot to me, I’m just afraid I will become a workaholic because as it is I’m a perfectionist, but if it’s my own, forget about it! If I give up the opportunity I know I will regret it (had similar offers in the past when kids were young and I turned them down). But life is different and way more expensive now. Thanks for the encouragement, I’m going to needs lots of it along the way!

PrairieFairy

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 6:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

My problem is that I don't understand how other ppl. don't think about money as much as me, we are thinking ahead and are nervous about marrying our kids off, and giving them a future and about my pension.

I guess my question is how could you live the present without freaking out about the future.

Didn't get through the whole thread (went through about half of it) but I wonder, what is your experience with financial insecurity?

It sounds like you and DH might have some financial insecurity trauma and that's kind of dragging behind you and affecting your worry and how you spend.

Might be worthwhile to look into that and reflect there. Dealing with the source of anxiety (I find inner child work around it to be very healing) helps me then make decisions more serenely in balance.

Also creating a budget that isn't arbitrary numbers but based on how much is responsible spending and how much is mindful abundance.

The rest is then about trust like many people mentioned. Tomorrow isn't promised. We want to be responsible and prepare for the future while also living in the gift that is today.

Sounds like a financial insecurity trauma and concern is coloring your choices with fear. What do you think having money in the future will help you with? What are you trying to avoid? Why does not having money for Chasunas etc scare you?

These are valid concerns but starting to explore and listen to the dialogue will give you more information on how to address the anxiety.

PrairieFairy

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 6:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

We do this, we have a budget for extras, but we are starting to think, maybe the sum we put aside for this is low, we see ppl around us going on vacations 3 times a year, not once and ppl going out to fancy restaurants every other week not once in few months and so on...

As for this, people have different needs and personalities. If you are happier with less, then it doesn't matter how often someone else goes.

If them going more makes you feel jealous, then it's something to rethink. If it's a "rules" thing, that's more anxiety speaking and you are allowed to spend and save as works for YOU and not based on what works for your neighbor.

Do you feel like your vacations work for you? Do you want more of them? Do you feel like the clothes you wear work for you?

The neighbors vacation is not about being like them but more about the information and what it brought up for you. It's just information. Use it as that and forget about their specific thing and focus more on WHY does it make it difference? Are you trying to figure out how to bring in more of that or are you trying to feel "normal" and "responsible"?

What is your "why" that it's even more of a thing for you? What's coming up?

amother

Melon

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 6:38 pm

amother Snowflake wrote:

About 15 millions on real estate.
Basically all rents that come in cover all the property expenses. Not much is left.
We have side incomes. It barely covers your expenses. Buy everything on sale, thrift shops. Kids go to day camp. We go to a camp in the summer, as I have a job. Could use some fixing in my house... I do feel like sometimes we could enjoy our money better... But there is nothing really missing.
We have an older car. It doesn't bother me.
I do see a lot of people around me collecting money ( to lease the latest model car, etc) ...BH I don't have to collect!

15 million with no mortgage? Why are expenses so high?

You’re either not in a good area or your rent is too low.

lamplighter

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 7:21 pm

It doesn't sound like you have a long term plan or have any clue what you want. Your drive to save seems to be anxiety driven. Looking at what others are doing is usually a sign of insecurity.
Time to become secure about your plan and your lifestyle.
Sit down with DH first and make a list of long term and short term goals. Think about what lifestyle is in line with your goals and values.
Then meet with a financial planner to run the numbers by and adjust your spending and savings plans.

amother

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 8:52 pm

PrairieFairy wrote:

Just the opposite, we come from a very stable financial place, and because we got so much when we got married we want to give our kids too, but in order to get to that we need to save a lot which is at the expense of current experiences and luxurious. here is where we get confused.

amother

Gardenia

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 8:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

So both of you grew up with this type of lifestyle? Parents saved tons to have millions to start you off well? Financial insecurity doesn’t always tie to reality btw. People don’t necessarily feel more secure because they have more in the bank. So you didn’t really answer the question.

CPenzias

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 9:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

My husband is into saving too. That comes from anxiety but we have 2 kids knh and make about half what you make. We are saving a little but and we have retirement accounts but giving your kids experiences is important too. We try to go on a vacation at least once a year in the summer. We went to Yellowstone a few years ago, Niagara Falls, North Carolina, Israel (when the funds allow). So yes, saving is important but giving your kids experiences and making memories with them is so important too. Don't lose sight of that.

amother

SandyBrown

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 9:16 pm

Didn’t read everything but to me it’s a bit much. Why do you need to save 10k? Even taking out 1k of that monthly will allow you to go on minimum two vacations a year- why save for when you’re dead? Your kids are little - the memories they have as a family is what they will remember forever. To me it’s not smart investing- it’s misplaced priorities and being frugal. If something were to happen in a year c’v that would prevent you from taking family time, etc think of what you’d regret not doing and do that!

amother

Natural

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 9:25 pm

amother OP wrote:

What many have said (and I agree) is that you need more concrete goals.

How much money do you want to give your children?
Have you set up savings accounts for them?
How many years do you have to reach this goal?
How much do you need to contribute annually to reach the goal on time?

How much do you need to have in savings for yourself, for emergencies or retirement?
How much do you need to contribute to that annually?

Right now you seem to be just saving, but with no actual plan, it's almost fear-driven. That is not a very calm way of living.

PrairieFairy

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 9:30 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

Oh. She answered the question alright. She didn't realize she did but she did.

She has financial insecurity concerns but it's about her children as opposed to herself. So a little more future financial insecurity but financial insecurity nonetheless.

OP, what are your fears around not being able to provide a huge nest egg for your children? That seems to be where the worry and anxiety is centered based on your response.

Would you feel less than your respective families because they provided and you didn't? Less of parents? What is the worry that's coming up by considering not having the money to support them in this way? What's the fear underneath that?