How does everyone know who gets financial help for Pesach?

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 4:33 am

This always puzzles me. I have been on the receiving end of financial help for Pesach in the past.

We are not a chinuch or kollel family, but we are salaried employees and bH noone questioned our elegibility which leads me to believe that the help is available for any family in genuine need.

But I've never told anyone, even though I do have close family and friends nearby who I'm in touch with. Nor has anyone told me that they receive help, although many of my friends are definitely struggling.

So all these threads saying that 'xyz get help' and 'abc is not eligible for help', are you just presuming they are being helped or is it a case of the grass is always greener?

amother

Bergamot

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 4:37 am

amother OP wrote:

Grass is always greener.

People have an attitude that anyone else getting something is taking away from what they are supposed to get.

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 4:47 am

People don't go round advertising that they receive tzedakah, and when you meet them in the shops you don't exactly know how the money got into their account.

Yet 'everybody knows'...

ShishKabob

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 4:49 am

amother OP wrote:

People don't go round advertising that they receive tzedakah, and when you meet them in the shops you don't exactly know how the money got into their account.

Yet 'everybody knows'...

Some people are not embarrassed by it, when they shmooze they'll say, "I got these 30% off coupons at the clothing store. I'm so excited to go shopping etc.." or they get actual deliveries of food and the neighbors can see it.

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 4:58 am

ShishKabob wrote:

When I had to accept Tomchei for a while it came in the same boxes and bags as a regular grocery/butcher delivery. Noone would know, unless they got at the same time with the same delivery guy.

ShishKabob

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:01 am

amother OP wrote:

When I had to accept Tomchei for a while it came in the same boxes and bags as a regular grocery/butcher delivery. Noone would know, unless they got at the same time with the same delivery guy.

Before pesach it's different. They have huge trucks going around, and many many people get it. Not just the regular Tomchei Shabbos receivers. Erev Pesach it's not embarrassing because many people need the extra help, the expenses are huge.

amother

RosePink

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:05 am

amother OP wrote:

People don't go round advertising that they receive tzedakah, and when you meet them in the shops you don't exactly know how the money got into their account.

Yet 'everybody knows'...

What kind of “help” are you talking about? I know many people in my area who get tomchei shabbos, they don’t look at it as a secret or something to be embarrassed of. They’ll post in a chat that they have extra xyz from their tomchei box, or they’ll ask about the condition of something. There’s also a very generous family who provides beautiful, brand new shoes and clothing for kids of families in need. There are many discussion about this as well. “Did anyone receive the email yet?” “When are they doing exchanges?” “Does anyone want to trade my X for your y?”
Most people don’t go around discussing their financial help though. They don’t go around talking about how much money they received, or from where.

care4u

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:06 am

ShishKabob wrote:

Also a lot of the help that people are talking about are things ppl still pay for, but get discounts. So it seems less embarrassing. Also many of the vouchers that people get just because they or their husbands are in chinuch, are not based on income, which many here has pointed out, so if you use it it doesn't necessarily mean that you can't afford it. They looking at it as a bonus as opposed to charity so it's not embarrassing to them.

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:10 am

amother RosePink wrote:

I'm talking about cash help for Pesach, as well as huge discounts on Matzah, wine, chicken, meat and fish etc.
I never disscussed it, nor did I hear about from anyone else. And there are many many struggling families where I live.

amother

RosePink

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 5:13 am

amother OP wrote:

People around here don’t discuss their cash help or their discounts, but they are very open about other help, like I mentioned above.

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:46 am

amother RosePink wrote:

People around here don’t discuss their cash help or their discounts, but they are very open about other help, like I mentioned above.

My point exactly.

Seems non kollel/chinuch families do get help, just bc noone knows it doesn't mean they don't get.

amother

Topaz

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:49 am

amother OP wrote:

My point exactly.

Seems non kollel/chinuch families do get help, just bc noone knows it doesn't mean they don't get.

I agree. We are a non kollel/chinuch family and we have gotten significant help. I don't go around telling people and maybe people assume that we are making more than we really are. Maybe people even assume that we are doing very well, for all I know.

I think the kollel/chinuch people go around telling people because they are not embarrassed about getting help, but we are (embarrassed).

amother

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 6:57 am

amother Topaz wrote:

So people need to stop saying 'only kollel/chinuch families get help. And those working families who are not managing should reach out-you might be pleasantly surprised.

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 7:17 am

Not everything is done the same in every city.

We don't have food deliveries where I live. Groceries don't do that. So if there are boxes on the porch it is Tomchei.

Tomchei has certain programs. I was discussing diaper sales with a friend and she said she gets it only through "the kollel discount store" and said I can't get it from there, sorry. Actually, it is Tomchei program and the application process is tough for non kollel. She was very open about it.

Some people are very open about tzeddakah they get.
A lady from shul tried convincing me I could get a certain program as "everyone gets it". No, not everyone.

amother

RosePink

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 9:01 am

amother OP wrote:

My point exactly.

Seems non kollel/chinuch families do get help, just bc noone knows it doesn't mean they don't get.

I don’t know anyone who thinks only kollel/chinuch families get help. Most of the people in my area getting help are NOT kollel/chinuch families.

amother

Apple

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 9:14 am

2 families on my block get help. I know because I helped one of their parents sign up. The other family I didn't know. But they are a chinuch family. The kids bragged that they already bought everything for peaach because their father is a rebbe and gets all the free pesach incentives through his school. The other family has great embarrassment of their financial situation. I don't even think the help they get is enough for this family.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 9:15 am

amother OP wrote:

People don't go round advertising that they receive tzedakah, and when you meet them in the shops you don't exactly know how the money got into their account.

Yet 'everybody knows'...

Not everyone is embarrassed by it. Several of my neighbors & friends discuss the help they're getting before yom tov. I don't think it's something to be embarrassed about.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 9:17 am

amother OP wrote:

So people need to stop saying 'only kollel/chinuch families get help. And those working families who are not managing should reach out-you might be pleasantly surprised.

It works differently in different communities. In my community, chinuch/kollel families automatically get approved regardless of their income, and working families almost always automatically get disqualified while being shamed in the process.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 9:18 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

Grass is always greener.

People have an attitude that anyone else getting something is taking away from what they are supposed to get.

It is quite rude to mention this on every thread discussing help, and this has nothing to do with what OP posted.

amother

RosePink

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 12:51 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

It is quite rude to mention this on every thread discussing help, and this has nothing to do with what OP posted.

I thought it was just me, not understanding what that comment had to do with this thread.