S/O should I pay | Imamother

amother

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 10:42 am

amother Caramel wrote:

I truly admire you for not asking who the boy is! Wow!
However, As a parent, doesn't your son want to tell you who it is? It's to unburden and saying the name of the boy could very much be part of unburdening, to get it off his chest.

He doesn't feel burdened with the name. We know all the details except the name.

amother

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 10:48 am

Sewsew_mom wrote:

Omg! It's a fear I have when I see the boys wrestling all the time with one another. It's so scary. Are you aware the boys treat eachother like that? It concerns me when my son gets physical. Everyone tells me it's normal. I see you wrote middle school so my take is out of tristate area. I'm relieved it's not my son. But if it was my son I would absolutely want to know!!
Wow. He should have a refuah and no complications going forward.

I would hear it more if the kids were wrestling or rough housing. Then at least there is a "reason" for jumping on my son. My son is a calm kid (not quiet or wimpy--just not loud or wild).

By middle school I mean 6th-8th. Not it's own school, just the grades in a bigger elementary school.

amother

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 10:55 am

Quote:

Does the boy realize the extent of the damage he's done? If not he needs to be told. Some boys don't realize they're strength and think it's all fun and games.

He did not realize initially. When he saw my son in a boot he asked what happened. My son told him it was from when he jumped on him. He just commented he didn't realize it hurt and walked away.

Sewsew_mom

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 12:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

I've seen them just punch one another out of the blue just cus they are saying hi. It's rediculous.
Means your son is in 8th grade if they are bar mitzvahd.
They should be old enough to know their strength. And also some still don't. It's social awareness. The boy may be lacking social awareness and social management. I'm not sticking up for him. I just know I work very hard with my son to teach him his strengths and he still doesn't get it yet.
I'm so sorry your in this situation. I still would want to know if it was my son.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 1:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

No it did not happen during a football game. He was playing a game and got out and the kids jumped him right after. Yes it did happen in school. The school knows and is reviewing the surveillance videos they have. Eyes can't be everywhere. I don't particularly blame the school.

The kid saw my son in a boot and asked what happened. My son said "you happened. It's from you jumping on me". The kids responded "oh. That hurt you?". No apology. No nothing.

I believe it’s like homeowners liability, where the homeowner is responsible even if they didn’t do anything wrong. And yes, their insurance should cover it.

Honestly the whole story sounds pretty crazy. It takes a lot of strength to break someone’s legs like that, how did the kid not realize what was happening?? I’m so sorry you and your son have to deal with all of it.

Edit- I just realized that you wrote that his legs are sprained, not broken. Still at a minimum, the boy needs to be aware of what he did. (I know you said he saw your son in a boot but he might not realize exactly what happened. Some kids need things spelled out.)

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 2:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

Quote:

Does the boy realize the extent of the damage he's done? If not he needs to be told. Some boys don't realize they're strength and think it's all fun and games.

He did not realize initially. When he saw my son in a boot he asked what happened. My son told him it was from when he jumped on him. He just commented he didn't realize it hurt and walked away.

Could be in a boy's mind that was an apology. He acknowledged that your son was hurt, and also why he might not have apologized in the first place.
I don't have boys but I've heard from others that boys are not always so verbal and expressive.
I'm not saying he shouldn't completely apologize, not at all. Just saying what might be going thru a teen boy's head.

amother

Poppy

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 2:45 pm

amother Pansy wrote:

Honestly I would consider suing the school, as ultimately they are responsible in this situation. Like someone else mentioned, they have insurance that covers these types of things

It technically is a criminal offense (assault) for the child who hurt yours, and their parents would absolutely be responsible to cover any damages if you choose to go that route instead. Though whether or not they will is a whole other story..

If it was me in this situation, I would speak to a lawyer for the best course of action. If the total expenses are low and you arent trying to recover damages for emotional trauma, then most likely the school would just pay you directly via a "settlement offer" to avoid any lawsuits. It would probably be best to wait though to see what the total damage comes out to, like you said if he ends up needing PT etc, which is why I would speak to a lawyer to make sure things are being handled appropriately and amicably, if possible

It may or may not work, but does Op really want to have that type of relationship with her kids school? Because suing a school is not a smart idea if you want to continue to work with them bringing up your children. Besides it probably is against Halacha without taking them to BD first.

Side note: Just pointing out that it would be the boy who is responsible for paying, not the parents.

amother

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 2:57 pm

Quote:

I do not want to sue the school if I could avoid it. To be honest we hoped insurance would cover everything or most and not say anything to anyone. But unfortunately, even with covering a nice amount, there is still a nice bill after.

If anything, we would probably approach the parents. Yes the son is probably the one chayav, but I don't think it appropriate to approach the kid directly.

amother

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 3:15 pm

Quote:

OP, you need to contact the school. When my kids hurt themselves at school, the principals always asked if I had any out of pocket expenses and please tell them because they have extra insurance to cover those expenses.

I did as soon as we found out the extent of the injuries.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 3:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

Quote:

It doesn’t have to be contentious. You could reach out with the bill and request that they submit it to their insurance.

If the parents pay, it will be out of pocket.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Feb 14 2024, 3:28 pm

amother Aquamarine wrote:

It doesn’t have to be contentious. You could reach out with the bill and request that they submit it to their insurance.

If the parents pay, it will be out of pocket.

It will most likely be out of the schools pocket as well. Insurance usually has a deductible and they can be quite high for businesses.

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:17 am

Follow up--
My husband spoke to our rav. He said first and foremost the kids must apologize. He said my son deserves an apology for being injured and it's good chinuch for the kids to learn to own up to his actions.

He also said that there is potential the parents will give us a hard time with expenses. He said we should call the school and tell them to be the facilitators/middle men. Both for the apology and for expenses.

My husband spoke to the menahel and he said he'd take care of it.