Making Aliyah with older kids

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Israel related Inquiries & Aliyah Questions

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hugsfromhashem

Thu, Jan 04 2024, 1:30 pm

What were the hard adjustments your kids had to make? I’ve got 4 girls (7,13,15,17yo)

amother

Mistyrose

Sat, Feb 03 2024, 8:19 pm

I'd love to know as well, kids ranging in age 4-15

Queenesther613

Wed, May 01 2024, 10:42 pm

Same. 11 year old boy.

Rappel

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:05 pm

Bump. There are a few posters whom did that transition -- the most recent was Reality. If she doesn't see this thread, maybe reach out to her

DrMom

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:07 pm

I haven't done it, but I think a big challenge is navigating high school with limited Hebrew skills.

amother

Ebony

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:08 pm

Haven't done it either, however, I know a lot of Rabbonim advise against doing this. Please tread carefully.

amother

Dahlia

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:13 pm

hugsfromhashem wrote:

What were the hard adjustments your kids had to make? I’ve got 4 girls (7,13,15,17yo)

13 and 15 year old will be really tough! I honestly think the 7 year old would be fine. 17 year old if she finished hs and was on board would probably be fine too. I don't know your hashkafos but if you'd want them in BY it would be very very tough at those ages to adjust to the system and even get them in. Best to speak to an expert in the field. Didn't even factor in if there are learning disabilities or needs...

amother

IndianRed

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:16 pm

It mostly depends on the parents attitude and reason for moving.

When parents move because it's one of the 613 mitzvahs and they want to be close to Hashem in the country that Hashem chose to call Home
they will be happy and their children adjust easily and thrive.

Those who move and continue calling America, Europe, Canada, home usually never adjust. Imagine your child hearing: Hashem said Israel is the best place on earth the land of Milk and Honey but their parents say otherwise, their "old country " was better. This contradiction leads to kids not being settled or even go OTD.

When people come "to try out" like the meraglim did, with the constant threat that if it doesn't work they will run back, usually don't have success.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:18 pm

We are considering moving to Israel with kids similar ages and I can’t say from experience how it would be. But, I do have so many friends who have moved in the last 5 years with all age kids who have done incredibly! I think in some ways it was much harder 15 years ago. So many are doing it which ofc makes it easier , and there are so many amenities that didn’t exist years ago that do now. I’m sure Language is very challenging, cultural differences won’t be easy, but I’ve seen so many be so happy!

amother

Daylily

Wed, May 01 2024, 11:46 pm

My parents moved to Israel when I was 12. We all suffered from it, and it was hard for all of us. So I don't recommend it. We eventually moved back to the states.

Frumomsi

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:07 am

We had classmates in high school who lived with siblings in NY so they could attend an American high school while their parents and younger siblings lived in israel. Sad. Sometimes it’s just too late. Even for a good thing.

amother

Winterberry

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:20 am

hugsfromhashem wrote:

What were the hard adjustments your kids had to make? I’ve got 4 girls (7,13,15,17yo)

My oldest was 9.5 when we came. She’s doing amazing. She actually much prefers friendships with Israeli girls over olim. A lot of Americans after moving can still be into things and brand names while we and she aren’t and they tend to group together. She’s fluent in Hebrew but requires weekly tutoring still to be able to test at grade level. She’s just below grade level now. The language was her hardest part by far.

My cousin moved by choice alone at 18. Also doing amazing! Language is his hardest part but the army has really helped with that. I see him struggle with the culture more than my dc due to age.

Reality

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:01 am

hugsfromhashem wrote:

What were the hard adjustments your kids had to make? I’ve got 4 girls (7,13,15,17yo)

The first year is really hard in school. Most of my kids are pretty good students BH. It is really hard for kids who normally do well to sit all day in class, not be bored out of their minds and talk or disturb class when they don't understand a word. I have one child who has more issues in school. For that child it was much, much harder than all my other kids combined!

Ulpan class is EXTREMELY boring!! Every one of my kids dreaded it like anything. BH, they are fluent now but it's a necessary evil lol!

Depending what grade my kids were in, some were left back a year. That was a bitter pill to swallow before coming but turned out not so bad. Once they were here, plenty of other kids in their class/school were also a year older.

Older kids don't make friends in a day! Depending on the child it took my kids until a few months or the entire first year to find their circle of friends.

Seventeen is tricky. Did that child graduate high school already? If yes, you are fine. If not, very limited school options. May be she can graduate early and go to seminary instead? Hopefully an American/Israeli seminary would accept her so she makes friends that actually live here.

For most kids it really gets better after the first year. My kids are completely acclimated now. My older kids were in high school and now speak fluent Hebrew with an excellent accent. They have friends that only speak Hebrew. I have a daughter doing sheirut leumi and she lives her day to day life in hebrew only. I have another one in high school whose best friend doesn't speak English and he said he talks all day in hebrew only at school.

I'm so proud of my kids!

justforfun87

Thu, May 02 2024, 2:31 pm

amother Daylily wrote:

My parents moved to Israel when I was 12. We all suffered from it, and it was hard for all of us. So I don't recommend it. We eventually moved back to the states.

May I ask if you were put into Israeli Charedi schools? What sort of neighborhood did you move to?

mamasamama

Thu, May 02 2024, 3:29 pm

My parents moved to Israel when I was 13. So traumatic for me.
Really depends on family situation, financial situation, lifestyle. Are you moving to Anglo community? Are your kids set up in schools yet?
Feel free to DM for more info.

amother

Lightgreen

Thu, May 02 2024, 5:41 pm

amother IndianRed wrote:

You're simplifying things and acting as if hashem runs the world in a fair way where well meaning good people get positive results.

This just isn't so.

And for what it's worth my sibling made aliyah for all the right reasons and had to come back less tan 2 years later when the kids couldn't adjust.

I certainly don't want to discourage anyone. But seems naive and a little silly to think we know hashem in the way describe.

amother

Strawberry

Fri, May 03 2024, 4:50 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

Hashem does run the world fairly but there’s teva. If Hashem designed a word in which kids can acclimate well under the age eight, then we need to work with that and not rely on miracles. Barring extreme circumstances, this is the recommendation. Anecdotal evidence about families or individuals who made it work doesn’t disprove the rule.

Also, adults can choose to move and deal with the challenges. Children deserve a childhood without such significant challenges if it can be helped.

Couples need to think about this before.

Moving when it feels financially possible seems a bit unfair to the kids. When it would be too hard for you, you don’t go but now that your child is a teen, it’s ok? Because now they’ll be the ones struggling?

amother

Daylily

Fri, May 03 2024, 7:04 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

May I ask if you were put into Israeli Charedi schools? What sort of neighborhood did you move to?

We were put straight into Israeli schools. Lived at first in Ramat Eskol.

amother

Impatiens

Fri, May 03 2024, 7:22 pm

Related to reality. Hi, Reality!!! Reality moved to e'y with her entire family on board with the decision. They moved with the mentality of "this is it." Not with, "let's see if this is going to work out." I know some adjustments were hard but they got through it as a family and worked together with their respective schools. You are amazing, Reality!! We love you and hope to join you one day!!

amother

Impatiens

Fri, May 03 2024, 7:28 pm

She also jumped right in. She made a real leap of faith. She didnt say I'm moving only when I have all my ducks in a row so to speak , and have everything planned from a to z. They just did it. No excuses. And she didn't make excuses about American yeshivish has no equivalent and how to fit into Israeli society. She decided based on the need of each and every child. So if one needed more to the right she did that. If one needed a little looser rules, she took that into consideration. She didn't get bogged down by all of that. The kids are doing beautifully bh!have a great shabbos everyone!

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