Working remotely with a baby is harder than I expected

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Forum -> Working Women -> Work at Home Mothers

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amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 6:48 pm

My baby is 3 months old K"IH and instead of going back to the office, I had the option of working remotely for this month and going back to the office once he turns 4 months. While I am so incredibly grateful that I have another month with him, I'm finding this very stressful. I work whenever he is sleeping during the day (which is not so much, he is a rather fussy baby that likes to be held a lot) and then several hours at night after my kids go to sleep. I am always on without any time to myself and am not able to get nearly as much work done as I need to. I don't need to clock in and can get the work done whatever hours I want but I do have some deadlines so working less won't help me meet those deadlines. Please give me encouragement that I made the right choice to not go back to the office and I am giving my baby something very valuable and irreplaceable.

amother

Foxglove

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 6:50 pm

It is almost impossible to work from home with a baby. I don't think it's necessarily better for the baby then baby going to a sitter while mom works.

Highstrung

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 6:50 pm

Why don’t you hire a sitter in the house while you work? This way you are still there but have the help that you need and you can work?
I know many people who do that .

amother

Green

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 6:53 pm

I worked with my kids in my office until they were between 9 and 12 months old each.
I had a portable baby swing for when they were very little. And then I kept toys there etc. It worked u til they got into everything and I will forever be grateful I didn't need to pump and I can nurse on demand and be with my children for soooo long. I only sent them out once they were eating real food.

It's definitely hard but I'm so grateful.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 6:54 pm

Highstrung wrote:

Why don’t you hire a sitter in the house while you work? This way you are still there but have the help that you need and you can work?
I know many people who do that .

I am very attached to my baby and always have a lot of guilt and sadness when I need to send them to sitters. It is something that is very painful for me and I want to be with him all day until I absolutely can't anymore.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 6:55 pm

amother Green wrote:

Wow! You are so lucky you were able to do that.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 6:56 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

It is almost impossible to work from home with a baby. I don't think it's necessarily better for the baby then baby going to a sitter while mom works.

Why would it not be better for a newborn to be with his mother? I do not work while he is awake so it's not like I'm ignoring him.

amother

Snapdragon

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 7:01 pm

It's hard. I have stayed home with my babies until age 2 or so. When my oldest was a baby (15 years ago), I was able to get in 4+ hours a day like that. It was busy and hard but I managed it. Now I try for 2, and if I can do that it's huge.

I've found that babywearing can be very helpful. That way you're "holding" baby but still working.

At that age, this time around, I also set aside time at night when my husband was home and the little kids were asleep that he would hold the baby so I could work. He would also hang out with the teens/tweens who knew I was off-duty for half an hour or so.

How many hours are you trying to work? How old are your other kids, and how many hours are they out? It could be reasonable to do it for a month, or it could be that you're biting off more than you can chew...

Highstrung

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 7:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

That’s why I said to bring the sitter in the house while you are there . You nurse your baby and the sitter takes care of the baby most of the day while you work.

amother

Viola

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 7:07 pm

It’s very hard but also very meaningful. Saying this as someone who worked 9-5 with my baby from 4-10 months old.

Your baby will never be this age again. It’s a few short weeks, they’ll pass and you’ll have more time and space for yourself. This time won’t come back.

A baby is much bigger at 4 months than at 3 months. They’ve graduated the “fourth trimester” and it should feel less scary to send them out.

That being said, you’re still postpartum and at risk of developing ppd. Be careful. If you really need more time and space, don’t be a martyr. It won’t pay off in the long run. You’re doing two full time jobs and that’s a lot. No shame if it doesn’t work.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 7:42 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

I'm not trying for a specific amount of hours, just need to get my work done and it's a lot because also catching up on things from maternity leave. If I had to clock in a certain amount of hours that would make this way more stressful. My other kids are very young too, toddlers that are out 9-3.

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 7:43 pm

amother Viola wrote:

Thank you for this, this is what I needed to hear. That I am doing something very worthwhile and not being an idiot. And you are right that it's just a few weeks. IdK how people do this long term...

mushkamothers

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 9:27 pm

Could you wear him while he naps so your hands are free to type?

amother

Daylily

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 9:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

WFH mom here.

It's not easy. Really not.

But you absolutely made the right choice and the time you are spending with your baby now is never going to come back and the extra month with Mommy will serve him in good stead for his entire life. This time is so important. So important. People don't realize it and don't appreciate the significance it has for baby, being sent off at three months versus four months. Or how hard it is for a tiny baby to be separate from Mommy at all. Pushing that off is such an enormous gift that you are giving your baby.

A few things that might help:
* letting baby nap in a sling while you work
* having DH take care of the baby so you can work (maybe before he goes off to work, or after he gets home)
* if baby will play alone for a bit then you can work while he does that, and when he gets bored of playing alone then you can stop working and pay attention to him. It's not ignoring your baby to let him play alone for a bit. Babies are naturally curious and need to develop skills, so long as he is right beside you and feels safe and secure in your presence, he also needs the space to move around and experiment without being guided/ helped/ entertained by an adult. My babies will do this for anywhere between five minutes (not useful lol) and half an hour (useful) at a time. Put the playpen or playmat right beside the desk/ table and sit down to work. See how much you'll get done, it won't always be more than five words but sometimes it will be.

I also find that knowing my time is limited means I use my time more efficiently. During naptimes I get a ton done because I speed through my work so fast.

But a key point here is when does your DH work/ learn? Bonding time with Tatty is also so important, play with Tatty develops different areas of the brain than play with Mommy does. So if you can pull your husband in to help with this that would be great for both you and baby, and Tatty as well.

amother

Daylily

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 9:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

Okay so what you really want is to make the most use of 9-3. Okay.

How many hours a day do you want to work? I see about four hours of solid work time between 9-3. I assume that you get back with baby, go to the bathroom, eat, and then around 2 you get ready to go pick them up. Maybe you can get 5 hours if you plan well.

Can you try to schedule your baby's longest nap for then? And accept that you won't get much done with the other kids around. So try to have your breakfast with the kids. Try to make sure baby is fed immediately when you get home, and changed even before that. That way when he goes to sleep he has a chance of giving you two or three hours straight. When baby wakes up feed him and put him in the sling. Don't feel bad. Wearing your baby gives him so much at this age, it's so important. So long as your back can handle it.
Make sure you have food prepared so you can eat beside the computer without getting up (or just bring coffee when you sit down and don't eat till you're done - that's what I do lol).

Tell DH that when he gets home you need him to take over so you can work from then until it's time for bed. You need him to tidy up and get the kids in bed/ take the baby/ whatever it is. Hopefully he is supportive and hands-on.

This is how we make things work.

Also you are going to be with your baby the entire afternoon, not working and paying attention to baby and the other kids. So if you don't pay amazing attention to your baby in the morning that's okay. Yes it's better for baby not to be "ignored" but he is tiny, at this age he needs lots and lots of cuddles, lots of smelling you and closeness, to feel your presence, and LOTS of SLEEEP. So let him sleep as much as he will/ can in the morning, in his bed or in the sling (provided your back can handle that) while you work. In the afternoon he will be more alert and you'll be free to enjoy him.

If you don't have a sling maybe there is one you can borrow, there are also babywearing groups you can join who can give you help and guidance.

But let go of the guilt of not playing with your baby 100% of the time while he is awake. You're doing the best you can and this IS the best thing for your baby right now. But you still need to work and that's also okay. He is tiny, he needs your presence and touch and warmth much more than he needs to be played with the entire time he's awake.

amother

Daylily

Wed, Aug 02 2023, 10:04 pm

amother Foxglove wrote:

It is almost impossible to work from home with a baby. I don't think it's necessarily better for the baby then baby going to a sitter while mom works.

Of course it is. Babies need to know mom (consistent and loving caregiver) is present and they are cared for. A babysitter doesn't have the comfort of home, doesn't have mom's smell or warmth, and disappears and reappears. Babies this age don't have permanence, when mom disappears that's traumatic for them even if they can't say it or express it.

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