My kids can't play together

mompete

Fri, Jul 01 2005, 11:03 am

I have two daughter, B'H, almost 4 and 1 1/2. Lately I cant leave them alone for more than two minutes since they are always grabbing things from each other and fighting! I want them to learn how to play together. Any ideas?

thebestmommy

Fri, Jul 01 2005, 11:56 am

Sounds familiar. My two girls are three and a half and two. Sometimes they are best friends, and other times they are forever fighting. It's usually the older one hitting the younger one. I started this new thing with them which seems to be working well-- I made them each a "mitzvah chart", which I hung on the fridge, and everytime they play nicley together, share their toys, etc.. then they get a sticker on the chart. Then when they finish a line, they get something. My older daughter gets so excited every time she shares, she comes running over to me, telling me she deserves a sticker. Very Happy

I'm not sure how long it is going to last, but for now it seems to do the trick.

But have no fear, this is just the beginning. I heard it only gets worse!! LOL

supermom

Sat, Jul 02 2005, 6:36 pm

funny my younger daughter three is the bully of my four year old. it is just how kids are always fighting. did you ever remember a time that you didn't fight with your siblings I surely don't remember. Very Happy

well now that we are married and thousands of miles apart we finally get along just kidding. Wink

I guess we just got over it. it came a time in our lives we just came friends. hang in there like best mommy said it only gets worse but maybe not always.

smile

Sun, Jul 03 2005, 2:20 pm

My two year old started pulling her one year old sister's hair.( and she hasn't got much anyway) and sometimes hitting her as well. the older one doesn't understand what she did wrong if I tell her off ,because the one year old doesn't cry it just doesn't bother her. so how do I teach her how to stop it?

juggler

Mon, Jul 04 2005, 1:56 pm

Mompete, could it be that the one and a half year old has just recently become a real threat to your older daughter, and that's why the fighting seems to be escalating? My only advice (I can use plenty) would be to either buy certain games/ toys that take two to enjoy, or to buy yourself some peaceful quiet time by seperating them in seperate rooms/ play areas with seperate toys. I agree with supermom about fighting with my siblings while growing up, I guess it's part and parcel of the package. They say it teaches good negotiating skills... now if only they would actually negotiate....

mompete

Mon, Jul 04 2005, 6:40 pm

it definitely is that the younger one has just become a threat because she wants to be involved in everthing her older sister is playing with. It's exhausting trying to get anything done when the two of them are in the house! I hope they'll outgrow it and I'm ignoring all advice of them getting worse as they get older!!

uandme

Sun, Oct 30 2005, 3:34 pm

I must say for me it's gotten better as they got older, being 17 months apart at the beginning made such a huge threat to the older one, from the time the younger learned to grab/move/walk/talk,etc. till they were about 4 and 5. now they are much more on the same wavelength and while of course there is fighting, a lot of it, but it's much better and easier and they do a lot of their own negotiation. hang in there, it can get better (for a while at least??), teach them skills, but separate them, get 2 of things, etc. for the time when they are really developmentally too mismatched. sometime it will be less asymmetrical and more evened out.

Tefila

Sun, Oct 30 2005, 11:35 pm

Same here but ones that fight when they r younger r usually close when they r older as long as parents don't just let it go

613

Mon, Oct 31 2005, 2:05 pm

In terms of sharing. I have a count-to-ten rule. this worked really well when my 2 year old was playing with 2 of her two year old cousins over Succos. If someone wants a turn w/ a toy that another one has, then we count to ten and it's the next one's turn....
I do this when my 8 month old takes toys that my 2 year old is playing with. even though the baby won't care if I would just give him something else, I do the count-to-ten just so my 2 year old has another sharing experience