Guest interfering with discipline ?!?!?!

RedVines

Sun, Oct 09 2005, 11:28 am

This shabbos I invited this young lady over for a meal, she constantly interfered with my husband and I, telling my son to go to sleep etc. This was the first time she ever stepped foot in my house!!!!! My husband and I didnt say anything st the time...but what do you say?????

She lives alone, she is in the army, she was married and has a connection to yiddishkeit, I dont want to tarnish that, but it really bugs me!

I know Hashem is testing me bec. she stopped by on shabbos and said she didnt know what to do for yom kippur, she lives far from Chabad and she would want to walk, well of course I want her to walk as well, so I told her she is more than welcome to stay over.

But how can I tell her to back off and leave the disiplining to us?

happymom

Sun, Oct 09 2005, 12:07 pm

I would just tell her... thank you for caring but please leave the disciplining up to the kids parents!!! If she still doesn't listen I wouldn't have her, man thats annoying! (when you are honest and strait forward about what u want, it works!)

Tefila

Sun, Oct 09 2005, 12:19 pm

I too would smile but firmly say" your turn will come and in the army you can do that too. But here we are the generals so leave us to do the disciplining" you can say this in a fun way too Wink

mother48

Sun, Oct 09 2005, 2:45 pm

s/t times it's not just guests....

when ever I'm at a meal with my inlaws...

my sister in law, who has no children, is always telling my kids if you finish eating this or s/t etc.. I know she is trying to help (I have a great relationship with her) but I'm the mother, and my husband the father and I think we are bh doing an ok job, the best we know.

then if my mom in law triest to help... idon't think our parenting skills could be any more difff....

then what!

RedVines

Sun, Oct 09 2005, 9:40 pm

Thanks for your imput, I knew this was the place to go! She already seems like the "clingy" type, You know what I mean? Honestly I dont have time for that, sound harsh? So I will have her for Yom Kippur and now I have my line to use when it starts. I realize that everything is from Hashem and I need to deal with this.

mompete

Sun, Oct 09 2005, 10:30 pm

maybe take her to the side and tell her that by interfering (use a nicer word) she is sending mixed messages to your kids and confusing them. Tell her that is she has any helpful sugguestions she should tell them to you afterwards so that she doesn't undermine the parents authority in front of your children.

happymom

Sun, Oct 09 2005, 11:01 pm

Code:

I realize that everything is from Hashem and I need to deal with this.

yues everything is from hashem but if she doesnt stop you might not want to have her over. thats also a way of dealing with it.

Emuna

Mon, Oct 10 2005, 12:01 am

We have basically the SAME person in our life - she's my husband's cousin and I've come to the conclusion that since she's totally alone in life (divorced with one son who lives far away and doesn't stay in touch) she needs to feel needed. So we invite her over once in a while but aside from that don't call her. I feel bad but when I did stay in touch she would call 100 times a day and constantly want to come over. It got to the point I didn't return her phone calls for over a month. But she was just over for RH and it was fine. She annoys a lot of people - one time she disciplined our guest's kids also - but as long as it's once in a GREAT while I just let it pass and pretend I didn't hear what she said.

chen

Sun, Oct 30 2005, 12:47 pm

AAARGH! Doesn't that just kill you? we once had a guest like that--a former schoolteacher for whom disciplining kids is like breathing. (adults, too, come to think of it LOL

) I kept silent so as not to embarrass her, and she did it only the one time. had she repeated the offense I would have taken her aside (Not in front of the kids) and told her that inasmuch as this is my house, these are my children, and their behavior did not directly affect her, I will administer whatever discipline I see fit--including none at all if I feel none is necessary.

however..since your guest is in the army, she should be able to relate to this: in the army you have ONE commanding officer from whom you take instructions. In your house, YOU are the commanding officer, and she, a visiting dignitary, has no authority over your platoon.

OTOH< if a child does something to hurt or offend a guest: pull her hair, insult her, or act disrespectful (based of course on what can be expected from a child of whatever age he is), and the parents do nothing, then the guest certainly has the right to admonish the child. Note I said "admonish"--not yell, not punish, certainly not hit--but admonish.