School separated twin, do I need to worry?

Iymnok

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 1:29 am

The worst thing you can do for twins is call them "the twins". In my community twins are separated in 3 or 4yo gan. The problem is boy twins, there aren’t parallel classes within one school and you don’t want to sent one boy to a different school than his brothers.

amother

↑ Indigo

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 2:43 am

amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:

Im a twin. If I ever have twins I would never put them together. Twins need to be treated as individuals and be given a chance to make their own friends, develop their own personalities, and establish their own identities. At some point it may be too late, so starting young, although it may be tough, can set the grounds for them to self discover and strengthen their identities. Speaking from experience.

I'm not a twin myself, just a mother of a twin, but IMHO you can engender this individuality from a young age by making certain parenting decisions. You don't davka have to separate them during the hours in school from toddlerhood. My twins were together until the middle of 4th grade, like I said, and may end up in the same class again, but they certainly view themselves as individuals. Then again they are not identical, which may make a difference.

amother

Seashell

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 6:25 am

Every school ive worked in seperates twins on purpose to allow them their own personalities unless there's a specific reason they need to be together. This year, because of Corona, twins are being kept together, and everyone's making a big deal about it.

amother

Gray

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 6:32 am

amother [ Saddlebrown ] wrote:

Some twins do better with each other in class, some do better when separated.

It's not wise to make a definitive statement about what you would do if you had twins, without knowing who they would be and what they would need. Especially, if that statement is influenced by your own personal experience. Part of being a parent is being able to put your own experiences aside and see what your children need, not as an extension of what you needed and didn't get but in their own right.

amother

Red

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 10:15 am

My identical twins were seperated in kindergarten due to school rules they were not allowed to eat lunch together even thou the tables were close by
When one was invited to a party I took both the mother said I didn’t know she was a twin and didn’t let her at the party my husband is a fraternal twin and they only had a smart class and a slow class so to seperate him they put him in the slow class my mother in law who is ninty still regrets this since my husband was very smart

↑ MiracleMama

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 10:29 am

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

Every rule has its exceptions and I'm sure there are twins who for whatever reason do better together but the overwhelming opinion among mothers and professionals is to separate and until one has a good reason to do otherwise, I think it is the smart choice to make.

Last edited by MiracleMama on Wed, Sep 02 2020, 10:54 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Blush

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 10:49 am

I know that some mothers specifically want their twins in separate classes. But they definitely should not have separated them without discussing it with you first.
I would call the school and discuss.

Chayalle

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:03 am

My best friend has triplet sons, and she separated them into 3 different playgroups from the age of 3 (with the 3 carpools that came along with. ) I think she's very smart, they are each their own person. Now they are in 3 different high schools (in Lakewood, no less - that took some pulling off.)

The only place I don't go for it is if it involves putting one down. My MIL A"H was a twin, and from a young age, her twin was considered "the smarter twin". They grew up in a community with only one school and one class, so her twin was put ahead and she was kept behind. I think this really affected her self-perception (and though she may not have been the academically gifted twin, she was a very smart person, and a successful preschool Morah and reading specialist in a very well-known academic school for many years....I bet she taught many imamothers....her twin taught in Yerushalayim's Yashan for many years, and is a very smart person too, but I don't think they should have been labeled as such at a young age....)

amother

Natural

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:15 am

As a mom of multiple, multiples.
Don’t worry, they’ll be ok.
It might be better like this.

Forgot to add
Kiss those babies every morning, before you blink, they’ll be off to college.
Consider yourself warned.
Enjoy every minute,
yes the minutes they’re in school too.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:41 am

My twins school tried to separate them this year.( they are 4) I called and said absolutely not. I know my kids and I know that they push each other to do better. If separated one of my twins will be super lazy and just let everyone else do things for her where as when she is with her sister and sees oh she is doing it then she runs to do it cause she has to do better then her. But we are also taking it year by year. If we see they need to be separated they will be but only when I say not the school.

amother

Goldenrod

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:45 am

I was a teacher and twins that were together one inevitably did not do as well as the other as a direct result of being overshadowed/dominated/reliant on the other. Twins are not one person, they are two individual humans. They should not be together as a rule.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 11:55 am

Rejoice, OP. It's much healthier for your twins to be separated now. The longer you wait the harder it becomes. The way you describe them, they are already too enmeshed. Maybe the school noticed this and that's why they separated them. They need to develop as individuals who can function independently. They also need to be seen and treated by their teachers and classmates as individuals, not two halves of a whole. Don't worry, their relationship won't be destroyed. They'll still be loving close siblings. This is what you want. You don't want them to end up G-d forbid a couple of dysfunctional middle-aged spinsters or bachelors who live together, dress alike and never marry because they can't bear to be parted from each other.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 1:28 pm

I have no twin advice, but as a mother I’m going to echo what posters here have said. Call the school. You are your Children’s advocate and if the school does something that you don’t like or understand you should reach out to them.

amother

Brunette

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 1:36 pm

amother [ Copper ] wrote:

I taught two identical girls (not twins, they were from a larger set of multiples).
Their mother wished they would be separated, but there was no other class.

They were both at the same academic level, so it felt like giving the same grades (almost identical), had similar personalities... But if they were in different classes they wouldn't have been subconsciously lumped together by teachers and peers. They would have been able to have their own friends and be their own people.

I know mirrored identical twins. One was much smarter so they had to switch schools cuz was only one class .

Fox

Wed, Sep 02 2020, 1:44 pm

Mom of adult identical twin girls here.

Mine were in separate classes from kindergarten through 8th grade. They shared some classes in high school.

Nothng is written in stone. As others have indicated, it's a good idea for twins to be separated. It allows them to develop individually, etc.

On the other hand, separating them too early or in conjunction with other changes in their lives might be needlessly anxiety-producing. Talk to the school and tell them your concerns. See how the separate classes work out for them, and if it's not working after a while, suggest that they be reunited for the rest of the year.