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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Other special days
imaamy
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 Sun, Dec 16 2007, 3:10 pm
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Wasn't sure where to put this. We are starting to get invited to many bar mitzvahs. I asked a friend who has been to many here already and she said she always gives the same amount of cash, unless they are friends with the family and are all invited (versus just the classmates being invited). She didn't say how much. I am trying to decide what our "policy" will be and want to be generous without breaking the bank. Any ideas?? Thanks!
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chocolate moose
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Sun, Dec 16 2007, 3:58 pm
ask if they are registered anywhere.
when dd started going, she also gave the same or similar gift to each.
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Raisin
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Sun, Dec 16 2007, 4:09 pm
I don't know if giving money to kids is such a good idea. I know my parents made my brothers save it, or spend on seforim, but dh just spent his bar mitzva money on computer games. He had hardly any sefarim when he got married, and I was surprised.
Why not give a sefer that the boy will appreciate owning in years to come? Just make sure he can exchange it if he gets more than one. Or give a book token to a sefarim store.
It's not like a wedding, where the couple need money to set up home.
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imaamy
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Sun, Dec 16 2007, 5:52 pm
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Raisin, I agree with you, but here many kids state in their speech that they are giving part of their funds to a charity. For example, our son is very into sports, so we suggested he donate to an organization that enables kids who can't afford it to play team sports. Kids who are into reading often collect books and donate money to underserved libraries, etc. So maybe thinking of an amt equal to the cost of a sefer would be the way to go? Oh, edited to add, people register for bar mitzvah gifts? I never knew.
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Purplehair
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Sun, Dec 16 2007, 6:19 pm
One of our children just went through the "Bar Mitzvah" stage. We gave his classmates $18 each with the exception of when the entire family was invited (we were family friends). I was originally going to give more, but another mother in the class (and a good friend of mine), cautioned me to be careful with how generously we gave out gifts. She knows we cannot afford to give EVERYONE large amounts of money, and how would one boy feel if he got less than the other (Yes, I'm assuming they "compare notes"). So, chai dollars became the "acceptable gift amount" for our son's friends. I am now doing the same for our daughter's friends who are becoming Bat Mitzvah.
Incidentally, any cash that OUR son received for his Bar Mitzvah was put into a custodial bank account and a CD in his name. We gave him some money to do with what he liked, but the majority of it was put away for future use. (He also received sefarim, in case anyone is wondering. Those he is currently puting to good use.  )
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Ruchel
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Mon, Dec 17 2007, 7:17 am
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Some time ago THE thing to give was a watch. I don't know if it's still done. There are few bar mitzvas around here. I don't even remember what I gave last time I went.
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Purplehair
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Mon, Dec 17 2007, 1:45 pm
| Ruchel wrote: | | Some time ago THE thing to give was a watch. I don't know if it's still done. There are few bar mitzvas around here. I don't even remember what I gave last time I went. |
"THE" thing to give by whom? I can't imagine that the Bar Mitzvah boy really needed/received a watch from every guest attending his simcha.
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MiracleMama
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Mon, Dec 17 2007, 1:47 pm
| chocolate moose wrote: | ask if they are registered anywhere.
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You mean to tell me that kids are now registering for bar mitzvah gifts? 
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Ruchel
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Mon, Dec 17 2007, 1:53 pm
| Purplehair wrote: | | Ruchel wrote: | | Some time ago THE thing to give was a watch. I don't know if it's still done. There are few bar mitzvas around here. I don't even remember what I gave last time I went. |
"THE" thing to give by whom? I can't imagine that the Bar Mitzvah boy really needed/received a watch from every guest attending his simcha. |
some received 50+ watches. It is crazy.
Yup, there are BM lists, like for weddings, engagements, birth, bris...
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Purplehair
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Mon, Dec 17 2007, 1:57 pm
[quote="Ruchel]
| Quote: | | some received 50+ watches. It is crazy. |
I guess they are helping the Bar Mitzvah boy start a business...a watch dealer! 
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chocolate moose
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Mon, Dec 17 2007, 2:28 pm
| MiracleMama wrote: | | chocolate moose wrote: | ask if they are registered anywhere.
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You mean to tell me that kids are now registering for bar mitzvah gifts? |
it's been that way for a long time.
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MiracleMama
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Mon, Dec 17 2007, 3:04 pm
| chocolate moose wrote: | | MiracleMama wrote: | | chocolate moose wrote: | ask if they are registered anywhere.
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You mean to tell me that kids are now registering for bar mitzvah gifts? |
it's been that way for a long time. |
Really? I guess I'm out of the loop. I have never heard of such a thing in my life. What do they register for? Seforim or what?
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chocolate moose
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Mon, Dec 17 2007, 4:53 pm
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