Let's Write the Next Great Frum Novel

↑ Sunny Days ↓

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 10:22 pm

aricelli wrote:

But you see the difference- sigal seems to clean because shes an awesome aishes chayil. Then you need to put in the women who gets a very worrisome phone call and to calm herself she scrubs her kitchen... I’ve read enough Israeli novels! I always wonder why they scrub to self soothe while I eat ice cream

EXACTLY!
what a crazy way to self soothe.

amother

↑ Pewter

Sun, Jun 02 2019, 11:04 pm

this is by far the best thread on IMAMOTHER!

↑ Boca00

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:07 am

"Invei Hagefen, v'invei hageeeefen..." Ida Klumpf gingerly picked up her cell and glanced at the caller ID. She always hesitated to answer phone calls, thereby cutting off her favorite song mid-syllable. However, she had no choice; in her line of work, an innocent call could be crucial.

This was a new, unfamiliar number, and it piqued Ida's interest. She slid her finger across her phone to answer, and greeted the caller in her best "professional" voice. "Ida's Shidduch Agency, how may I direct your call?"

"H-hi". The voice at the other end sounded very weak. "My name is Malki, and I'm calling because I need your help. I need to locate someone that goes by the name of YY. I don't know where to start, but I figured the only person who is more well-connected than the FBI or the Mafia would be you. Please help me, this is a matter of utmost importance."

Ida smiled. It was true, she knew. She was by far the most well-connected person in the entire America. "Just a minute, while I put your call through to Ida", she said in the same snooty tone.

Ida waited a beat of 3 seconds before picking up the phone breathlessly. "Hello?? This is Ida. How can I help you today?"

Malki repeated her request, and Ida snapped her fingers loudly into the phone for effect. "I know just the guy you are talking about! He's your guy if you need to buy/sell miles. Here is his personal cell #, write this down..."

Malki hastily reached for the nearest writing implement and jotted down the number shakily on a crumpled napkin. She thanked Ida profusely for her help and hung up, skipping the 20 question survey at the end of the call.

A wave of exhaustion overcame her. Now what? How on earth was she supposed to randomly call up the guy and figure out how to help him?

And most importantly, what would her husband say about this?

top mom

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:21 am

gamzehyaavor wrote:

Hey, was punkt thinking of this today!
Part 2 totally starts here:
https://www.imamother.com/foru.....63282

Are you seriously suggesting that our Zeese, Zaftig family is novel material?! Can't Believe It

Like, for real? Can't Believe It

↑ Sunny Days ↓

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 12:31 am

top mom wrote:

Are you seriously suggesting that our Zeese, Zaftig family is novel material?! Can't Believe It

Like, for real? Can't Believe It

No worries zeeskeit. We won’t feature your pictures. It will be a good opportunity though to show all your husbands Teudas and your kids as well. Let’s not forget the best of the week certificates.

Dina2018

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 6:13 am

I love this thread

soap suds ↓

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 9:56 am

Ok, just had to point this out.

First post in this thread:

Quote:

Says things like "Why oh why" and other such phrases that are cringe worthy to read. Who says that in real life?

Yesterday in THIS thread:

gamzehyaavor wrote:

It's just GONE!
Why oh why?

Does this count as in real life?

↑ Sunny Days ↓

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 11:16 am

soap suds wrote:

Ok, just had to point this out.

First post in this thread:

Quote:

Says things like "Why oh why" and other such phrases that are cringe worthy to read. Who says that in real life?

Yesterday in THIS thread:
Does this count as in real life?

Good catch! I was coming from this thread when I posted... it really should have been where oh where did it run away to...

↑ soap suds

Mon, Jun 03 2019, 11:45 am

gamzehyaavor wrote:

Good catch! I was coming from this thread when I posted... it really should have been where oh where did it run away to...

Aww, what a shame. It would've been so much better if you'd have written that by chance. Oh well...

Modeh Ani

Sun, Jul 28 2019, 5:05 pm

Hi ladies,
I love the talent here!
I direct a performing arts program for middle school girls in a small OOT community, and am looking for someone/s to look over the script I have created for this upcoming school year - to offer suggestions and make overall improvements. Our non-profit school would be glad to offer a gift (maybe a gift certificate to Eichlers books!) where appropriate...
Please pm me!

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Aug 27 2019, 3:50 am

Why is there no talk of shaina shaindle made 2 steaming cups of tea and sat down at the kitchen table?

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Tue, Aug 27 2019, 8:08 am

amother [ Hotpink ] wrote:

Why is there no talk of shaina shaindle made 2 steaming cups of tea and sat down at the kitchen table?

Late at night.
And remarkably, even with all this late night liquid and caffeine, she falls deeply asleep, as soon as her head hits the pillow.

oh em gee

Wed, Aug 28 2019, 12:47 am

PinkFridge wrote:

Late at night.
And remarkably, even with all this late night liquid and caffeine, she falls deeply asleep, as soon as her head hits the pillow.

And wakes up in a fog forgetting the events that happened the night before..

↑ syrima

Wed, Aug 28 2019, 11:04 am

And we never read about her washing out the teacups, they just miraculously wash themselves and scoot back into their proper place. Wink

↑ Sunny Days

Tue, Apr 28 2020, 7:56 pm

Bumping this up for all those looking for entertainment- here's how Smile

Let's continue writing!

↑ mommy2379 ↓

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 6:10 am

gamzehyaavor wrote:

Bumping this up for all those looking for entertainment- here's how Smile

Let's continue writing!

I think we need to start a new one!

LovesHashem

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 6:24 am

Did anyone see that Kichel's a couple weeks ago about All fair in war and cleaning ladies?
Will someone PLEASE write a book based on that! I would read it!

↑ mommy2379

Wed, Apr 29 2020, 6:27 am

LovesHashem wrote:

Did anyone see that Kichel's a couple weeks ago about All fair in war and cleaning ladies?
Will someone PLEASE write a book based on that! I would read it!

amother

Mulberry

Wed, Mar 08 2023, 6:52 pm

AND NOW, FOR THE HAPPY ENDING!!

Malkie sat up in bed, thinking. She had just had such a weird dream, she felt creeped out. But everything was so clear to her now! She knew exactly what she had to do!

After miraculously recovering from her brain injury and double-organ transplant, Malkie was now back at home where she was almost completely back to herself.

When her husband, Shmaryahu heard about her plans, he was horrified. “Malkie! You are barely able to stand on your feet! Have you forgotten that you were in a coma for a month?”

But he gave up when he saw the determined look on her face. Malkie has been stubborn from the first time he met her, and whilst he had originally appreciated her assertiveness, he now resented the fact that he was powerless once she set her mind to something. Sighing, he handed over the credit card.

With a surprising surge of energy, Malkie headed off to Stamford Hill Travel, conveniently located only a few doors from Grodzinski. The clerk at the desk booked her a one-way ticket to JFK in New York. Arranging her travel insurance was slightly problematic due to her recent hospital stay, but a couple of ten pound notes sorted everything.

Ticket booked, Malkie headed to Grodzinski to buy some food for her journey. She thoughtfully bought an iced coffee and some chocolate rogelach for her kind husband Shmaryahu, who always backed her decisions.

Coming out of Grodzinski, she saw the 253 bus approaching and held out her arm and entered. She tapped her Oyster card and found a seat. Rebbetzin Lopstianski was saying Tehillim on the bus and stared as Malkie sat down. “Hodu Lashem! You’re back from the dead!” Malkie just smiled.

Once she got home, Malkie hurriedly packed her suitcase. She was relieved to find her dear shvigger in her kitchen, who had come to look after the kids whilst she was gone. Malkie dialled Emmes Car Service and booked a car to Heathrow Airport , Terminal 2.

As she sank into the seat of her taxi, she waved goodbye to her family. The car wove its way through the Stamford Hill traffic and made its way to the motorway (highway).

***************************************
Malkie had just landed in JFK. She hailed a yellow taxi and gave the address of her aunt, Zelda Baruch in Boro Park. Looking at her watch, she yawned as she realized that while it was already 8pm in London, it was only 3 in New York so there were still many hours ahead until she could go to sleep. Plenty of time for her to accomplish her missions.

First stop, Aunt Zelda and Uncle Zevulun. Aunt Zelda hugged Malkie tightly and in her American drawl, offered her something to eat. As always, her house was immaculate. In her perfect British accent, Malkie made some small talk. Zelda and Malkie gushed over each other’s adorable accent.

As soon as Uncle Zevulun entered, Malkie asked to speak to him. He couldn’t turn down his niece who had just flown for 8 hours! Malkie begged him to make shalom with YYB, as per Bubba Yenta’s (a”h) request. When uncle Zevulun realized that his dear Bubba came to Malkie in a dream just to convey this message, he put his head in his hands, started crying and reached for his phone to call his long-lost-beloved son.

After leaving her suitcase in Aunt Zelda’s luxurious guest room, Malkie headed off to her sweet cousin Rivka. She rang the bell and the door was opened by a flustered-looking Rivka. She did a double take when she saw Malkie standing there. “Malkie! You’re here? What a surprise!!” She led Malkie through to the dining room. Malkie was amazed to see that the house was a lot tidier than it had been the last time she visited a few years ago. Rivka noticed and explained that she had been diagnosed with ADHD, and since she had started taking medication, she was a new person. Malkie was about to gently broach the subject of Rivka’s miserable shalom bayis when Yekusiel Yankele Baruch dashed into the dining room. Malkie stared at his long breslover Payos and the na-nach kappel on his head. YYB laughed. “I’m a full fledged breslover! We are moving to Uman soon! And guess what, since I did kiruv on Joey, he dropped the chicken shmaltz case and is coming to Uman with me for Rosh Hashona!” Rivka’s eyes glowed. “Baruch Hashem he hasn’t missed a minyan for the last month! If it comes along with a change in lifestyle, so be it!”

Malkie was glad to see that their issues had apparently been resolved, and with a promise to be back, went to Shulamis Shifra and Zev Zecharya’s small basement apartment.

The sight that met her eyes was horrendous. A bedraggled, pale and washed-out Shifra stood at the door, a dazed expression on her face. Little kids were all over the place with sagging diapers hanging between their legs. Three six-month olds crawled around, adding to the chaos. There was a musty odour about the place. Malkie followed Shifra into the kitchen. Shifra didn’t even bother to act embarrassed.

There were things on every single surface! Smelly clothes, crusty plates, mismatched shoes, broken crayons, some grimy pot lids, a mountain of unfolded laundry and the remains of last week’s supper were what greeted Malkie as she stared in shock. Sitting at the epicentre of this absolute tornado was Zev Zecharya! Learning from a sefer! Malkie went up to him, and told him they Bubbe Yenta appeared to her in a dream and sent her on a mission to set his priorities straight. Zev was mystified. “Isn’t the most important thing my Torah learning?” Malkie told him to look at Shifra. “Your wife is falling apart! Your Torah is worth absolutely nothing if you neglect your other half!” Together, they came up with a compromise: ZZ could learn part-time when they got some girls to help. Immediately Malkie called the local chessed organization and had suppers, cleaning help and babysitters booked for the next two years.

Mission accomplished, Malkie left, after sending Shifra for a well-deserved nap and folding a few loads of laundry.

On the way to book her ticket home, Malkie stopped in at Oh Nuts to get some delectables for her beloved family at the other side of the pond 😀

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

amother

Yarrow

Thu, Mar 09 2023, 7:09 pm

there's no postscript?
or that only comes once its published, after its a serial in a magazine LOL