The girl's parents pay for the whole wedding???

Pickle Lady

Thu, May 10 2007, 10:14 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I could have cared less what kind of flowers and dress I had. I would have MUCh rathered wear a skirt and top and had a lovely barbeque:)

My wedding was such a waste of money. I don't understand why I had to spend so much money on the wedding. I could have bought a brand new car with that money, which would have made me much happier.

chen

Thu, May 10 2007, 10:39 am

Pickle Lady wrote:

My wedding was such a waste of money. I don't understand why I had to spend so much money on the wedding. I could have bought a brand new car with that money, which would have made me much happier.

but you probably got much more generous wedding gifts as a result. Not nice to say, but many people see a big wedding as an investment, b/c many ppl tailor the gift to the lavishness of the wedding. Small wedding, small gifts; big wedding, big gifts. Guests feel they have to "pay their way". (Obviously not all people feel this way.)\

Ruchel

Thu, May 10 2007, 12:08 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

ChavieK wrote:

Btw paying flops is no bargain price,you can make it a bit less by not having flowers by the men. Although my dil says she doesn't want liquor, it's my dh that wants it. We are going to comprimise & only have at chosons tish.

yeah, we had NO liquor at our wedding, my husband had been at too many yeshiva weddings where the guys just got smashed and so we had wine for birkat hamazon and that was it, not even under the chuppah (my husband is illergic to alcahol)

I wanted no alcohol at the meal too. But we felt we had to, and had it at engagement and wedding. Each time some people managed to get drunk and misbehave (first time a friend of dh said he "wanted a kalla too" and caught me by the waist shock

, second time he wasn't invited but other friends of dh got drunk and dh's best friend started crying that he felt lonely and abandonned Rolling Eyes

Of course it had to be filmed by the cam and now it's on the wedding dvd).

Raisin

Thu, May 10 2007, 12:13 pm

Quote:

How do people know how big a wedding is going to be until they get there? I spend the same money, big or small wedding. I would probably spend more for poor people because I know they need it.

The only reason you might get more gifts is because you have more people.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, May 10 2007, 12:55 pm

Raisin wrote:

Quote:

also, the size of a wedding says absolutely NOTHING about what kind of lavishness or not it is. I know many ppl here in israel that have 500 ppl at their weddings (that is regualr for israel) but the wedding is not some lavish thing at all, it is very modest and zanua.

Ruchel

Thu, May 10 2007, 1:31 pm

The machatonim of dh's rav had to pay the whole wedding, because the rav said they were soooo lucky to marry into his family. I dunno, wouldn't have worked with me..... especially since according to dh the chosson looked unhappy as h*ll despite his wife's yichus Sad

Marion

Fri, May 11 2007, 3:08 am

We made an average size wedding in Israel. I'm guessing the charedi places are probably cheaper than the standard hotel/hall prices, but don't quote me on it. Our alcohol was included in the price per person, but it was not served at the kabbalat panim or tish (actually, it was and we pointed it out and it was put away) by request.

Breslov, where do you make a wedding for $4000? And does that include food?

I guess it also depends how many people come. Originally our wedding was supposed to be split 50/50, except for food/catering (because DH had 75% of the guests), but in the end my parents agreed to 50/50 for everything (I didn't think it was nice that my ILs asked that, the day AFTER the wedding). And my parents still made a party for 100 people when we came to Toronto 2 months afterwards.

theweddingplaner

Sun, May 13 2007, 9:57 am

hi I am a wedding planer and run org that helps people get married the most imporant thing is keep the chosson and kallah out it and really try not to make fights your mechtim, are your grand children's grand parents you dont want them to have bad feeling over money after the wedding you will not need to talk about money with them but you will P.G. spending many times together celebrating many simchas and people dont forget how the engagement time was hatzlocha Rabba and mazel tov

southernbubby

Sun, May 13 2007, 10:26 am

I am seeing more and more engaged couples heavily involved in the wedding plans. I suppose it depends on the hashkofa of the community that the couple comes from since chasseedishe (such as Satmar) couples don't have much contact during the engagement period, but outside of those groups, chassonim and kallahs do speak and spend time together. I have had mothers tell me that their children handled most of the plans (the parents paid for those plans!). Even if the engaged couple do not directly sit down with the caterer or florist, it is a sure bet that most of them have some real important preferences. I agree that if parents can get the couple to leave the plans to them, they will probably come out ahead.

Pickle Lady

Sun, May 13 2007, 10:55 pm

chen wrote:

Pickle Lady wrote:

My wedding was such a waste of money. I don't understand why I had to spend so much money on the wedding. I could have bought a brand new car with that money, which would have made me much happier.

maybe true for others but not for me and my husband. The people who gave us gifts were family and they would have given me the same amount even if it was a small party.