Help me stay sane!

amother

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 6:42 am

Please please please please help me!!! 3 year old DD wakes up numerous times every night, probably since she was born. If anyone has a newborn here, DD most likely wakes more than your newborn Mad

She used be easily resettled so though it was annoying to get up again and again and again she was usually easily placated. Now she's become very creative -

I don't feel well
My duvet is not straight
My drink fell down
My doll is the wrong way
Change my diaper
My leg hurts
My mouth hurts
It's too dark
etc.

This goes on and on and on and on and on and on and DD insists that ONLY Mommy can heal all ills and ONLY Mommy can pull up her covers, give her a drink etc. We've tried to let her cry after checking she's okay but she inevitably wakes everyone or cries for hours and hours. Last night she cried for almost three hours solid. From 3:30 to almost 6:30... you can imagine how much sleep I got. Throughout the crying I felt as if my brain could take it no longer and I would have a nervous breakdown c'v. That's how bad it was. After chronic sleep deprivation I'm not sure I can handle this anymore.
I told DD I couldn't come and that she should allow DH to help however she just continued to scream and scream whilst I tried to focus my mind on good memories to keep me from losing my sanity.

We've tried encouragement, bribes, letting her cry it out for a little etc. NOTHING seems to do the trick and I'm starting to think that one of us need to move out...

Just to clarify, we are forever grateful to Hashem for this adorably charming little human being that was a long awaited gift however that doesn't take away from the fact that human beings need to sleep to keep sane...

the world's best mom

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 6:53 am

Wow! Nobody can function normally like that.

I'm guessing that if a 3 year old is crying for hours, she really does need something. She's not doing it just to bother you.

Does she ever come into your bed during the night? That might help both of you sleep better. At that age, I allow it, though I would teach her to start out the night in her own bed.

A weighted blanket may help, if allowing her into your bed is not an option.

amother

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 7:01 am

(OP)

world's best mum, she's always been like that so it's nothing new. It never gets easier though.
My bed is not large enough to accommodate both of us though I'm quite thin and I'm a very light sleeper so would not be able to sleep with her in my bed. I do let her sleep in our room though but it doesn't seem to help. She was actually in our room last night...

What could she want/need? And why do you think a weighted blanket could help?

the world's best mom

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 7:14 am

It could be that she needs to feel cuddled while sleeping. It's a sensory thing. Have you ever had her checked out for sensory issues?

A weighted blanket would help her feel more snuggled so she could sleep better. It's not as good as snuggling with Mommy, IMO, but it is definitely better than a regular blanket. They are not so cheap, but you can make your own.

amother

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 7:38 am

5*Mom wrote:

If this is an ongoing, long-term problem you will need to figure out why she is constantly waking before even attempting an intervention. The first place to go is to your pediatrician to rule out physical/medical causes. It sounds like a sleep study might be a good idea.

(OP)

I've been to the pediatrician and after discussing it at length she said that DD is probably doing this to get my attention at night, and also out of habit. I get the habit part but not sure about the attention bit as she gets heaps of individual attention during the day... The pediatrician said I need to put a stop to this and insist that she needs to sleep. Huh? Haven't we been trying this for the past three years?!?

amother

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 7:43 am

Iymnok wrote:

When she keeps asking for things look at her sympathetically and say I'm sorry it's hard for you to sleep.
Maybe this world's better for older children, but you can try.

(OP)
I've tried this MANY times but she continues to insist she needs xyz and then abc. If I give in she sometimes falls asleep but she's bound to wake again in an hour or so anyway. Other times she asks for something else five minutes later. If I just sympathise it gets neither of us anywhere as she cries endlessly.

the world's best mom

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 7:57 am

Some pediatricians think it's their job to say such things. Mothers have no obligation to listen to sleep strategies from doctors.

You have to do what works for you and your child. If a child is waking up wanting attention at night, I don't see that as misbehaving. I see it as a sign that she needs your attention at night for some reason. She is unable to sleep and wants you to help her through this. That's not misbehaving, that is a valid need for a 3 year old. As you said, the kid has never known how to sleep through the night. She doesn't know how. She needs your help. If you figure out what is causing her interrupted sleep, you can then find a way to fix the situation.

It might be fear. It might be sensory needs. It might be nightmares. It might be an issue with the quality of her sleep. There are things to look into.

amother

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 8:13 am

(OP)

Thanks world's best mum. Considering that she's a very well-loved child who happens to have plenty of Mummy-time and receives heaps of attention it doesn't make sense that she would be waking repeatedly just for attention. There must be something making her wake up but I'm a loss as to what it could be. She's a restless sleeper even when she's sleeping right near me.

Any ideas? Do you think I can insist on a sleep study?

animeme

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 9:23 am

You can try "The Kissing Hand". Get the book, read it, and use it.

Also, I know it sounds weird, but you can give her something of yours to sleep with, possibly something you've worn. I would sometimes give dd the PJ shirt I slept in the night before so it would smell like me. She also asked for me and only me.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 5:14 pm

Interesting thought about needing the toilet! My DD outgrew diapers at 3 and was night trained because she kept waking up. I'd put her on the toilet, she'd go, and then I could get her right back to bed.

The weighted blanket is a great idea, but I wouldn't use one until after she is night trained. You don't want her to sleep so hard that she doesn't feel her bladder at night, and wets all over the blanket. Those things are a PAIN to wash!

I find that my DD sleeps much better with her weighted blanket now. She only sleepwalks when she's managed to roll the blanket off, but when it's on she sleeps through the night now.

(She's still in my bed though, so I feel your pain!) Melatonin is also my best friend. Getting DD on it was one of the best things I've ever done.

LittleRed

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 11:43 pm

When I was so sleep deprived I felt like I was no longer functioning as a human being, I worked with a sleep coach. She was amazing and having a professional to talk to and guide me through the process helped me. I was way too lost to do it on my own or with a book. PM me if you want the name

amother

Thu, Dec 25 2014, 11:50 pm

amother wrote:

Some pediatricians may be great for medical advice but not for behavioral advice. Our pediatrician missed an important behavioral diagnosis that, in retrospect, should have been an easy call.

Dolly Welsh

Fri, Dec 26 2014, 12:36 am

Yes call a sleep coach.

Yes start to toilet train. One kind of self mastery might lead to another kind.

Is she too thin? Is she eating enough?

Is she in a play group she isn't having a good experience in? Maybe being the youngest?

Maybe get a white noise machine. A radio on very low, to static, is a white noise machine.

Is her room interesting enough? A too-bare room and just one doll might make her want more stimulation. Hang up a mobile, so she can lie in bed and watch the air currents move the pieces or animals. Get some stuffed animals. Several. If you make them, even better.