Random Free-Style | Imamother

amother

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 5:25 pm

By C. S. Singer

(Part of a song I've been working on...)

I wonder if you realize how much it hurts
When you say the things you do.
How my heart feels punched,
And then it spreads, slowly.

So much stress,
I’m trying my best,
But feel like I’m lost.
Floundering, not swimming.

I can’t take this anymore,
Need to leave today.
Walking away,
Never looking back.
Need to be who I can be.
Not sure where I’m going or what the plan is …
P.S. I love you.

You used to lift me up,
Laughter would rise and hit the sky.
Now there’s anger sediments,
Rising high.

And I don’t understand,
Just why this is His plan.
Now I gave up trying.
There’s only so much crying I can do.

I can’t take this anymore,
Need to leave today.
Walking away,
Never looking back.
Need to be who I can be.
Not sure where I’m going or what the plan is …
P.S. I love you.

amother

Wed, Jan 19 2011, 6:02 pm

OK, this is the first time I'm sharing anything I wrote. In fact this is the first thing I've written in years. Feedback is appreciated, but BE GENTLE! I'm very shy. embarrassed

Hopeless Circles
by

I think in circles.
One thought connected to the next
By chain-linked teardrops
The lies I've been told
Are easy and comfortable
The truth is too jagged
Too rough
Too hurtful
Too biting
To be grasped.
I question, consider, meditate
I conclude, I deny.
I reject this!
I comply.

workingmom6

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 1:16 am

C.S. Singer: you are incredibly talented. I love that song, the only word I would change is "punched" in the first part, but that's just my humble 2 cents.

Hopeless Circles: what you wrote is written beautifully I just wish you had ended:

I refuse
to comply

:-)

but then I have always been a non-conformist semi-rebel and never understood why other people feel the need to comply and "fit in" (yuck!).

amother

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 4:21 am

workingmom wrote:

Hopeless Circles: what you wrote is written beautifully I just wish you had ended:

I refuse
to comply

I wish I could have written that, too.

It's more about being living a religious lifestyle even though I don't really believe in it, than standard "social pressure." I mean, you're right. It is about peer pressure. But I think most frum people would admit that it is a "good" sort of peer pressure, because it keeps one more Jew on the path.

workingmom6

Thu, Jan 20 2011, 12:14 pm

it's a great "social pressure" and not just bec. it keeps one more jew on the path, but also because it's really the best thing for you even though you may not see it right now.
sometimes I think all of us FFBs should enroll in some of the kiruv courses or at least listen to some of the incredible wealth of explanations and inspiration being offered in kiruv. we can use it just as much or even more.
on another note, the little bit that I have been through in my most rebellious stage was enough to show me black on white that nobody cares more about us frum jewish women than Hashem and every restriction we live with is there to lovingly protect us and keep us emotionally healthy and happy and safe. if you think that sounds innocent and naive, you couldn't be more wrong. it's what I've learnt from the extreme opposite of innocence and naivete :-(
if you don't feel like living a religious lifestyle, try at least to find out what it is about that same lifestyle that so many amazing non-frum people are attracted to, and what it is about this lifestyle that makes so many of them give up so much and come live this same lifestyle you wish you could give up.
(end of sermon) now you can wake up :-)