Off grid | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:36 pm

I really, really want to move to the middle of nowhere. But it’s wrong to live away from a community and minyan. But I so crave being alone. I am actually a loner by nature. I am beyond introverted. I love peace and quiet. After the kids grow up I dont know how I am going to stay in the place I am at. My DH would be happy to do the same, only coming to a minyan for chagim and family celebrations.
Am I weird? Is this allowed?

amother

Opal

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:46 pm

We, humans, as a species, are not meant to live alone. I can relate to the craving of peace and quiet, but only because our current living situation is also far from natural.
Putting aside the question of whether it's right or wrong, I don't think going to live on an island will solve your problem. If you're currently living in a busy city, I would definitely advise moving to a quieter area with more nature. But peace comes from within.

Kiwi13

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:51 pm

I felt like that for a while after going through extreme trauma. B”H not anymore, but I do understand the mindset of wanting to be ALONE. You say you’re a loner by nature. It’s totally possible to carve out time alone and limit social stuff even while living in a community. Is there a reason that doesn’t work for you?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:00 pm

Because the middle of nowhere is awesome. Its so beautiful. And although I have friendly acquaintances, I dont have or want close friends. I dont find relationships like that at my stage of life rewarding. Its a chore to me. I dont mean to be a total recluse. I would want to live out there with my husband and we would go to town for necessities every once in a while and entertain guests like the kids and grandkids sometimes. This busy congested sedentary way of living is far from good also.

mandr ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

I can't imagine your kids thriving in such an environment. I can't see them having normal functional marriages and then having children and visiting you either! The fact that you called your kids "guests" seems a little weird to me as well.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:10 pm

mandr wrote:

I am talking retirement age. When the kids move out and then come for a visit they are guests.

amother

Floralwhite ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:17 pm

Sorry if this comes across as harsh- but if you like to be alone, what are you doing on this site?

I often see posters in here saying how they just need to be alone, introverted, don't like socializing...but I worry that they only feel this way because they spend so much time interacting with a screen they have no energy left to socialize with the real world.

Like would you really be able to be really really alone? No internet, no phone, no music, no screens or technology whatsoever, no people, no nothing for months (years?) at a time. It does actually sound lovely to me too for a week, maybe even a month. But do you really think you'd want to live like that forever?

Rappel

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Agreed. I found though, that after I moved to the middle of nowhere, I actually liked people - just not city life. A town of about 12-50 families or so in a beautiful location can be quite pleasant.

Last edited by Rappel on Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:39 pm

giftedmom wrote:

It’s not all or nothing. You can live surrounded by forest and still have access to minyan.

Where? Though I am kind of thinking of high plains territory. But I dont think I would say “No” to a forest of pine.

↑ giftedmom

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:47 pm

amother OP wrote:

Where? Though I am kind of thinking of high plains territory. But I dont think I would say “No” to a forest of pine.

So many places in the tristate alone. Take your pick. Every suburb and town with a Frum presence has rural areas on the outskirts that are still close enough to a shul.

tigerwife

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:58 pm

You can move to a really private home even in Jackson or Howell, NJ.

Personally, when I’m done with people, I just stay inside. I don’t see the need to. Run away, but then again maybe you are more popular than me and have people knocking very often?

amother

Moonstone

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 1:33 am

I know a middle aged frum couple who sold their house in Brooklyn and moved all the way up in the Catskills mountains. All the way up, past hunter mountain. They live on tens of acres, have several dogs and farm animals for company. For yom tov they travel to fleischmans where I met them. They seem to be thriving.

amother

Phlox

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 1:50 am

amother OP wrote:

For years, I’ve had a specific person tell me “you NEED a community, you HAVE to be in a community, we are social creatures, we need that support”. And while that rings true for many, it did not for me and my husband as we are introverts and lose energy with others and need quiet and space and nature. That’s just how Hashem made us.
There are many people who relocate after having children. It’s especially becoming more popular now. I think you can have a fulfilling Jewish life and stay connected, I would choose to have at least 1 shul around or in driving proximity. There are groups who do shlichus around the world, many of their locations barely get a minyan but they’re still connected.
If you do your research and take your time, you’ll certainly find an area with a community not too far off so at least nobody judges.
Just another idea - in Israel there are many towns in nature, with small communities that do not feel like charedi/religious.
Good luck

amother

White

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 2:30 am

amother OP wrote:

If you're weird, I'm weird too.
I have always had this desire to live waaaay out in the middle or nowhere, on a huge property, with a farm - lots of animals and growing my own food - and not some frummy agricultural commune (if it even exists) but just me and my family. Isolated.
But I know this isn't appropriate for many reasons, so it's always just been a fantasy in the back of my mind.
Actually, when Covid was going on, DH and I were discussing making it happen. Shuls and schools by us were closed for a long time. Suddenly without the schools and shuls, and people not socializing, living alone in the middle of nowhere didn't seem so crazy anymore. We looked at a lot of options to relocate, traveled to visit several farmlands for sale. But before we found the right fit, life finally went back to normal and we could no longer justify removing our kids from a normal frum community.

amother

Mintcream ↓

Wed, Aug 07 2024, 2:38 am

I don't think you need to wait until retirement for nature and peace and distance, moving to a bigger isolated peice of land on the outskirts of monsey or jackson/ howell can give you the rural lifestyle with animals and gardens (if that's what appeals to you)

True off grid living is very physical - it is hard work and requires maintenance of systems for water and electricity, I wonder how sustainable it is in later retirement.

My guess is you live in a very city or suburban closely built location now

Would you feel like this if you lived on something like this?
https://www.zillow.com/homedet.....zpid/