Baby has favorite siblings, DD hurt

amother

Thu, May 09 2024, 9:33 pm

We have a long awaited ben zekunim. The older siblings are obsessed with him. He has responded well to all of them. Now he's getting a little older and is expressing preferences. Of the siblings who are always home (some dorm) it's clear that he prefers one over the other. The non preferred one is the former youngest. Becoming a big sibling was both very exciting and also hard. But she's probably the most devoted of all the siblings. She just has such a sweet, pure, loving nature. And also sensitive and easily hurt. At first I tried explaining it away - maybe he's just not in the mood today, he was so happy with you yesterday... But it seems to be getting clearer that this is actually a preference and it's so painful.

What can I do or say?

michimochi

Mon, May 13 2024, 1:03 am

OP, I have no advice for you, as I come from a small family and have no experience with this. But I just want to say that I hear you, and the situation is probably common and is not hopeless. The little one's preference may shift over time. The second-youngest may grow to put less weight on gaining her brother's affection. Family dynamics change and evolve. For now, just support the second-youngest emotionally and make sure she feels loved and wanted by you and other family members. There is not much else you CAN do, I don't think.

amother

Steel

Sun, Jun 23 2024, 9:15 am

I think most of these things are a phase and that babies' preferences tend to change. However, maybe you could encourage a special activity with the child and baby (with your supervision). That could be singing a song or reading a book (if older sibling can read.) You could also designate older sibling for a special job like helping to give a bottle or patting and comforting baby when she/he is crying. That child could play music for the baby or play peekaboo. I would also keep an eye out in case the perceived preference turns to jealousy. It can be hard for a former family baby to adjust to a newcomer, even one who is a little older.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Jun 23 2024, 10:11 am

amother OP wrote:

Best Bubby's idea is good, let them spend quality time together with a new toy and treat so the baby associates the good with dd.

We went through something similar, where my dd complained, "why does the baby behave so much better with my brother who is never home and never babysits or bathes him or feeds him like I do. I am so good to him and he prefers my brother!! Unfair!!"

Explain to DD that babies go through stages, sometimes preferring Totty to Mommy and vice versa. Tottys dont take it personally nor do Mommys because we know that these behaviors dont reflect how the baby feels.

When we give our love to someone, we dont expect anything in return, the giving is our pleasure. Even if we dont get.