Davening for twins vs dreading twins

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Twins, Triplets, and more

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amother

Lavender ↓

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:20 pm

Just curious, those who have twins... Was it a surprise? Did you hope for twins? Were you hoping never to have twins?
Did your feelings change afterwards?

ectomorph

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:22 pm

"a bracha far yenem" that is to say, " its a blessing for other people" . old yiddish expression.

mommy3b2c ↓

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:23 pm

I would love to have twins, but I don’t daven for them.

amother

Lilac ↓

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:31 pm

Delete

Last edited by amother on Tue, Feb 12 2019, 1:24 am; edited 2 times in total

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:33 pm

Before I had kids I thought it would be so cute to have twins.
After I had my first I remember seeing a twin mom and telling her. “Better you than me” because I was overwhelmed with just one

When I found out I was having twins. I made myself into a tizzy worrying about how I was going to handle things and was completely overwhelmed with the thoughts of dealing with twins. At the same point I was talking to friends who were going through real challenges and realized I was blessed to be going through this “ challenge”
Once they were born things fell into place. And yes there were days that were completely overwhelming and I cried but all in all we got through the tough days and figured things out as they came along and I regretted all the time I wasted worrrying about how hard it was going to be

Fabulous

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:35 pm

It doesn’t run in either of our families so it’s not like I’m particularly worried but I definitely don’t Daven for them either, because I don’t think I could manage more than one at a time

amother

Brunette ↓

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:39 pm

I really, really wanted twins.
So badly that I made a thread about it! https://www.imamother.com/foru.....15185
And Hashem was SO generous with me and made my dream come true!
And they are the best.

Now wishing for another set! LOL

amother

Pearl

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 9:53 pm

Im trying to conceive and I always tell DH I wish I would have twins. He obviously feels like I'm off the wall. (My maternal grandmother is a twin and my DH has twins in his family, so not totally far-fetched.)
My pregnancies are horrible so I feel like if I had twins I would stop there (already have 3 ka"h)
But if I just have one I'm going to want another one even though I'm not sure I could physically handle being pregnant again
Yes, I know I'm crazy Surprised

amother

Blue

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 10:12 pm

I never entertained the thought of having twins even though my husband has it in the family since it is only hereditary though the baby’s mom’s side. I did not fit into any category why it should happen to me. I through a fit when I found out and cried and cried and cried and was angry st the whole world. And eventually we made peace with the situation. So far I’m hanging in there because I still have a full time nanny and they’re still very young.

amother

Pink

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 10:15 pm

BTW to all above who mentioned running in the family... The only time it matters with regards to genetics if it's in your side of the family. Ovulating more than one egg can sometimes run in the family but it has nothing to do with the husband. A man can come from a family of twins but it won't increase his wife's chance of having twins.
The above is in regards to fraternal twins. Identical twins are purely chance and in no way genetic.

amother

Red

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 10:39 pm

So I always used to say that twins are cute, but in someone else' carriage. So HASHEM gave me an edible set bh.. And if anyone conments that its cute by 'yenem', I say if it happened to be it can happen to u. I was shocked when I found out but bh we got over it. And now we bh have our hands full. Kh.

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 10:50 pm

We are dealing with infertility and I need IVF to become pregnant. We chose to transfer two embryos even though the doctor recommended one because transferring two has a higher success rate and I didn't want the thousands of dollars we spent to go to the garbage. Of course this cheshbon is in no way fool proof and is more emotional than logical... but there it is.
So BH we had twins. They are adorable, and I'm thrilled to have them. It was a VERY difficult pregnancy with many complications and my twins were born prematurely but at the end of the day, they are two children! Two separate people! And they are mine! I can't begin to describe how happy we are to have our twins.
I do not regret it for one second and I love them to pieces. I was very nervous about how I'll be able to take care of them but BH they are good babies and I'm managing pretty well.
However, due to all the complications as I mentioned above, if/when we do IVF again, I will probably choose to transfer just a single embryo and hope for the best.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 11:38 pm

amother wrote:

This is true for his wife, but it can impact his daughters.

amother

Cyan

Thu, Jan 03 2019, 11:58 pm

The first pregnancy that I carried to term started out as a twin pregnancy, but one twin "vanished." It stopped growing and eventually just sort of dissolved.

Since then, I always secretly hoped each pregnancy would be a twin pregnancy, but none of the successful ones have been. It's probably for the best. I'm grateful BH for the healthy kids I have. I think the desire for twins is just a result of that early experience, not rational.

gande

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 12:29 am

I wouldn't daven for it but wouldn't be upset if it happened. My dh is a twin and my mil says she got them buy one get one free. Also the bond between twins is something special.

amother

Aubergine

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 1:19 am

amother wrote:

I had exactly this experience too!

Israeli_C

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 1:28 am

It's not nice for me to say this, but when I discovered I was pregnant with twins in a routine 8 week first trip to the gyno, I was both shocked and, well, depressed. I'm in my mid 20s and when I found out my 2 other kids were 2 and less than a year old. Alone in Israel without any family to help. The first thing I thought was; "well, the university degree I'd only one year left in is out the window". I could have brought one baby to lectures (and did so with my son in the past), but twins? Forget it. Also impossible financially to have 3 kids in daycare (it would cost 4.5K NIS).

The doctor was silent when she first looked at the screen, and I panicked and asked "is there a heartbeat??" and she replied slowly "...yes..." and after an excruciatingly long pause she simply held up two fingers. It took me a while to understand her. Twins do not run in the family. I just gasped and said "noooo!" and she said "yes, here! one and two". After a long while I asked "are you sure you didn't make a mistake??" and she just smiled at me sympathetically and said she wasn't sure how to break the news because she knows I have two small ones at home.

I didn't tell my parents I was pregnant til I was 5.5 months in and they were equally shocked (and annoyed at first that I'd gotten pregnant so soon after the others).

But now they're here and it's hard but I love them very much.

amother

Azure

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 1:31 am

ectomorph wrote:

"a bracha far yenem" that is to say, " its a blessing for other people" . old yiddish expression.

Your loss my gain!!! I thank Hashem for the" bracha bei mir" every day!

amother

Scarlet

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 2:55 am

I didn’t expect or daven for twins, but I see now the unique closeness that my twins have. My other kids are close, but they have this incredible innate sense of one another. My DD will be furious at DS one minute, then coming to me the next to ask how I can’t see that DS is really deeply upset about some other thing.

She is so in tune with what’s going on with him (and vice versa) and is always two steps ahead of me. When it was time for DS’s bar mitzvah, he would only practice his leyning in front of her. (She is an excellent Torah reader). He didn’t want anyone else listening to him. He did great.

They have a special bond that I can only appreciate but cannot understand.

amother

↑ Lilac

Fri, Jan 04 2019, 8:10 am

Delete

Last edited by amother on Tue, Feb 12 2019, 1:24 am; edited 1 time in total

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