child's needs and husbands presence

Seraph ↓

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 2:55 am

There are certain things babies need, suchas nursing and lullabies, that when a woman is in nidda postpartum, she can not do around her husband.
Does anyone know if in the case of chinuch, for example, one is allowed to sing for her kids, even if the husband is around and can hear, when one normally doesn't sing in front of her husband while in nidda?
Or if the woman has to be locked up completely in a room with no chance of her husband seeing her nursing, if shes in nidda?
Or if things can perhaps slide a bit because of the needs of a child/baby?

hila ↓

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 3:03 am

Someone else can answer you about singing .

But as time goes on you will be able to nurse in a tsanua way when anyone is around. It takes practice - but you will need to learn - or never leave teh house with the baby. I nursed in all sorts of places and noone knew. Even now I see a mom holding her baby in public somewhere and give a big smile when I think she is nursing.

It is not lack of tsniut for someone to KNOW you are nursing. they just should not see your breasts.

For now I would get Uriel latched on while facing away from your dh, then put a diaper or shirt over the exposed areas.

Nursing is the best thing you can do now for your baby. Just tell him to "read your sefer " (that was our phrase for dh to look away) as you get latched on.

I found I got stir crazy if I tried to cut myself off from teh world /family in another room.

And though it may feel like it now, you will not be nidda for ever Very Happy

beH

PinkandYellow

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 3:38 am

I tell dh I'm latching on so he doesn't look and then once she's on I cover up with a blanket. or if you're good (practice will make perfect), and I try, I latch her on while covered with the blanket, but this takes time. once baby is much older and bigger, baby will provide coverage and you might not even need a blanket, although better safe then sorry. and its good to get him used to nursing with a cover so he doesn't refuse it later.

↑ Seraph ↓

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 3:54 am

the biggest problem is actually in bed- I nurse lying down with a zip up robe- and its very hard to remain covered that way. The rest of the time I'm able to nurse bitznius, besides for latching on. I like your idea, hila, about a code phrase, because its annoying me and my husband each time I say "DON'T LOOK!!!"

↑ hila

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 3:58 am

So have a tshirt under your robe. That way you are covered from shoulder to breast, and from below breast by teh robe. Baby should cover the rest.

And it really is his responsibility not to look. You can tell him, and he has to make sure he looks teh other way.

Hope it is not for long Smile

↑ Seraph ↓

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 4:12 am

hila wrote:

So have a tshirt under your robe. That way you are covered from shoulder to breast, and from below breast by teh robe. Baby should cover the rest.

I'm hot enough as it is in long sleeves. is that really the only way? Sad

Ribbie Danzinger

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 4:23 am

A word of good advice I once received from an experienced mother: when nursing in bed you can (with practice) nurse the baby on both sides without turning towards dh's direction. Prop yourself up in a comfortable position, it will soon come easily!

↑ Seraph

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 4:34 am

Ribbie Danzinger wrote:

I do that. But still feels weird...

And honestly, I'm more comfortable lying down on the side facing my husband.

HindaRochel

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 6:22 am

A friend told me that a woman's breast is not considered erva when she is nursing. You'll need to check with your Rav, but that could answer that question. As far as lullabies go, I have always understood them as not-erva as well...that singing to calm a baby was fine.

catonmylap

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 6:57 am

I keep myself reasonably covered up and rely on dh not to look.

Turning chairs around to face another direction is also a good trick when other people are over.

amother

Mon, Sep 17 2007, 7:27 am

It actually becomes even more complicated once its not the first baby and you have other children growing up past the age where they should be seeing this either.
At that Point (I guess my oldest was about 3 and started asking quesions) I got used to always nursing while covered with a cloth diaper or thin blanket - not too hot and definitley covers.
In bed, at night with the lights out, how much can he see?!
Lots of nachas and many more, all in the right time.

Motek ↓

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 4:21 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

A friend told me that a woman's breast is not considered erva when she is nursing.

Other than a girl's hair being not-erva when she's single and erva when she marries, I haven't learned of any other parts of the body that switch status. It doesn't even sound practical anyway - JUST the breast? what about the area right above it?

choc wrote:

I never sang to my kids.

sorry to hear that

↑ chocolate moose

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 4:25 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

A friend told me that a woman's breast is not considered erva when she is nursing.

I have also heard something to that effect.....I don't have sources or details, though.

choc wrote:

I never sang to my kids.

sorry to hear that[/quote]

Ah, no one cared, and no one was the worse for it.

Tehilla ↓

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 4:27 pm

It says in our Taharas Hamishpacha book, as an aside, that if the only way the child will calm down the mother can sing even when niddah.

Obviously, it is better that this not happen. I sing niggunim with my children all the time, and often when putting them asleep. It gets so hard when I'm niddah--I really have to focus on not bursting into song!

Nursing: the t-shirt & robe idea worked for me, also I bought a robe in Boro Park at a maternity store that had a lift-up top attached and only the one breast would be exposed which I & the baby could easily cover.

Pickle Lady

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 4:38 pm

Tehilla wrote:

Nursing: the t-shirt & robe idea worked for me, also I bought a robe in Boro Park at a maternity store that had a lift-up top attached and only the one breast would be exposed which I & the baby could easily cover.

Since we got those nursing gowns I have been addicted. I bought another one after that because it was so awsome. I lived in it for weeks after the baby was born.

↑ Tehilla

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 4:40 pm

Hey Pickle. I know. I think about you so many times when I see it! It's so ragged and falling apart now. There's a giant cavern down one side cause I wore it so much. I need another one (or 12). LOL

↑ Motek

Tue, Sep 18 2007, 5:42 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

Ah, no one cared, and no one was the worse for it.

So you don't think it's the source of all their problems? By the way, how's your voice ... Wink