All teachers should read this...

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amother ↓

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 7:06 pm

I just read this letter written by a teenager on the yeshiva world news coffee room and I feel that my fellow teachers should read this as well. Let me know what you think. I think I'm a bit scared to teach this year shock

The poor girl (((((shudder))))

Dear Teacher,
I'm your future student and perhaps your student from last year or another. I want you to know something I haven't shared with you. You asked me each and every test why I failed, you asked where my homework was and what I was thinking by not making up my missed work. You just didn't know where I spent my night before. You probably thought I was by friends' houses having the time of my life. NOPE, you're so wrong. I spent my night in the psychiatric ward after attempting suicide, or I spent my night begging and pleading fro my meds to overdose on. I've been through so much, teacher. Please have some mercy! I appear in school, struggling to focus and learn. Yet my mind wanders to my pain and insecurities. My thoughts swirl until my mind goes blank. I can't focus on your math or chumash because my mind is filled with emotions and my heart races. My eyes well with tears that I struggle to contain as I recieve my last failed test. I couldn't do any better. Yes, you're way older than me, I know. Yet it seems you haven't suffered in your life. You seem like a happy married woman. You're so insensitive sometimes. I'm begging you, open your eyes. I'm young yet so old. I've been through nightmares and nightmares and time after time, only the shell of me remains. I'm no longer a person. I'm a ruined soul. Yes teacher, I have an anorexia, depression, anxiety, and ocd. No, I didn't choose to have it and its NOT in my control. Think carefully before you attack your poor students. And fellow classmates, this is for you too. As school approaches, I tremble in fear of what this year will bring. How will the teachers and students act? I wonder...I fear...
Sincerely, your student

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 8:07 pm

Am I overreacting? Or are other teachers out there a bit shocked?

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 8:29 pm

I think a teacher should know about this beforehand. That way she will be able to handle the case with sensitivity.

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Sep 05 2011, 8:33 pm

alot of times teachers don't know.. That's why as teachers you really have your hands full... It's ideal that a teacher should know but since teachers don't always know the point is they have to realize they don't always know. Students they think are lazy are being abused. etc. etc.

tryingmybest ↓

Tue, Sep 06 2011, 12:47 am

WOW! So sad

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Sep 07 2011, 1:59 am

Woa. Its scary how you can never ever judge a person, even a silly teenager (who apparently isn't so silly after all) Crying

apple24 ↓

Sat, Sep 24 2011, 10:16 pm

this post bothers my on so many levels....
there is no way that in any respectable school, that a classroom teacher would not be aware of such a situation. In addition, a good (no actually, half decent) teacher would be able to pick up on some sort of behavior that indicated somethign was amiss. A suicidal child would not seem like a normal member of the class. In fact, the first, most obvious sign would be that she was consistently failed her tests.
This either sounds like a made up story, or a very dysfunctional school with a terrible teacher, IMHO.

StrawberrySmoothie

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 12:08 am

apple24 wrote:

This.

bigsis144

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 12:26 am

apple24 wrote:

ITA.

life'sgreat

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 12:40 am

apple24 wrote:

I disagree. Teens/kids are resilient and can put up great fronts without anyone suspecting such stuff. It may seem like they just don't care, are going through a 'stage' etc... but you wouldn't dream what these students are grappling with. And often, ~~stupid, irresponsible~~ parents choose to 'keep it a secret' and everyone suffers way more than they need to.

lamplighter ↓

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 12:45 am

If she has all those problems listed, there is no way any half decent teacher would of missed that or any half decent school would not inform the teacher of the girls' issues.
It is possible that she was suicidal or had one of those issues and it was overlooked. A teacher teaches for 45 minutes, 2 or 3 times a week and not everyone would know to recognize mental illness, although they should be trained as such.
2 personal stories come to mind. I have been trained to notice these things and I have been involved in helping a lot of at risk teens. Even with that- I once found out that a student I was teaching was hospitalized for a suicide attempt (from another student). I knew the girl was reserved and I suspected she was sad, but she did very well in school, she was involved in lessons and we had a very nice relationship. BH I was able to get her the help she needed and we have a nice relationship till today- but I didn't pick up on it, I was informed. Another student of mine, whom I taught 7 years ago recently went off the derech and we met in an unlikely situation. We got to talking and she came over to my house and told me some pretty horrific things she was going through, that started even when she was my student and only got worse and worse (mental health issues of her own and her family). She was a model student, maybe overly meticulous and studious but many teenagers are like that. She didn't blame the school or the teachers for not reaching out to her or picking up on what she was going through, but I was sincerely shocked. The bottom line is you can never know.
Poor girl, I hope she gets the help and support she needs. Whether or not it's true she needs help.

friendlyr ↓

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 1:14 am

I know of a teenager that was suffering from depression, and self injury and it was not picked up by the school or her parents, they failed to read the signs. She was acing her grades but was not taking any interest in participating in class or with friends. They called her introverted and let it go. They marked her A for her grades and NI for participation, but no one ever tried to find out Y? She was suffering yet no one knew or tried to find out. I think teachers need to be more attuned to their students, because sometimes it may even be the A student that need your help.

↑ lamplighter ↓

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 1:42 am

friendlyr wrote:

How should a high school teacher be able to tell? There are many normal girls who are introverted and don't participate. If this girl was like this all year long, how would the teacher know? And likely if she asked or said something the girl would deny it or say she's fine. A parent, knows the child her whole life should be able to detect a change or a red flag, but I'm beyond blaming the parents, most are trying pretty darn hard in this crazy world.

↑ friendlyr

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 1:57 am

There is never a point in blaming anybody. And I was not trying to say CV that it was the teachers fault, but we always tend to think that it's the students that are failing that need help but sometimes it's the students that are doing great and more easily overlooked. I also think that with intuition you can sometimes see the difference of a student that is just plain introverted or someone that's depressed( the pain in their eyes).

seeker

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 2:01 am

lamplighter wrote:

I don't understand - unless I'm misreading (which is all too possible at this hour) you start by saying there's no way a "half-decent" teacher would have missed it, and then you go on to say that despite your training and experience you still failed to pick up on a student's problem - twice. Why so harsh on the teachers?

I'm with the teachers here, and not because I'm a teacher. The reason I believe teachers can't be expected to pick up on all the problems is because I myself had a friend who experienced serious mental health issues throughout our high school years. I considered us quite close. I spent time in her house. And I still had NO IDEA about any of it until after seminary. That night she spent in the ER because of a suicide attempt - she told me about the ER but said she'd fallen and hurt her foot. The two weeks she spent in a psychiatric hospital - bad flu. Persistently lowish grades - normal enough, I was never a stellar student either. LD maybe, or maybe just not a good student. She acted at least as normal as I did, probably more because I was a bit of a wacky kid (just personality, nothing dark!) There was no family problem or dysfunction, this was genuine, pure mental illness of the brain chemistry variety. I don't know how any HS teacher could possibly have picked up on anything, especially with most of them seeing us on average 45 minutes twice a week, as part of a class of 25+ kids, with a lesson to teach. Yes, perhaps an exceptional teacher might notice something "off" and follow up, but I would not EXPECT it of any "half-decent" teacher.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 3:29 am

As a teen (I'm only 23) I suffered from depression and anorexia. We did not tell the teachers because my parents were afraid for shidduchim. One teacher whom I confided in was specifically helpful but the rest were clueless. They were inconsiderate and insensitive keeping up with their daily routine of harsh tests/homework. I struggled a bit-I was very smart but had a hard time focusing in school. I feel like I wrote that letter in H.S. I do remember those painful days and I wish her a refuah sheleima. Yes, all teachers should read this. Unfortunately, I'm not a teacher (due to a lack of money) but I would love to be in order to reach out to others and fix my previous teachers mistakes.

intrigued

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 3:37 am

amother wrote:

I am sorry that you went through what you did. But what makes you think you would do a better job than your teachers? How could you blame them for not knowing if your parents refused to tell them whats going on? You could be a teacher and have that same situation and unless you are a mind reader you wouldn't be able to do much more. If you are looking to fix the mistake I think it's the parents who insist on keeping it a secret who needs to do the changing.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 3:41 am

No, I don't necessarily think I'd be much better but I want to try. I wish I can go teach (although not a very decent salary) and reach out to students and be a bit more students even if I can't tell everyone's private secrets. There is a level of sensitivity that students feel and crave IMHO My biggest fear of teaching is failing to fix those mistakes.

5*Mom

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 4:36 am

But this poor girls WAS exhibiting signs of something. Teachers are quick to dismiss students as lazy but is there really such a thing? Teachers today lack professional information about how kids learn and function and what can get in the way. Laziness accounts for a tiny percentage of failure, if it accounts for any at all. If this girl wasn't handing in any homework, was failing all her tests, and was clearly not available during classes someone should have been looking into this on a professional level.

Unfortunately I am not surprised that no teacher thought to look deeper. My daughter switched to a new school in 5th grade and a few months into the school year revealed that she was being bullied terribly. I spoke to the principal who denied that it was possible since the alleged bully had been in her school since first grade and no one had ever mentioned any social or behavioral issues about her. Long story short, we pushed and pushed and eventually she went for an evaluation and it turns out she has quite a package of social, emotional and behavioral problems that should have been picked up by teachers many years earlier. Thank goodness, she is now getting the therapy she needs, but only because WE insisted that she had a serious problem that needed professional attention.

B"H

Sun, Sep 25 2011, 6:42 am

5*Mom wrote:

Teachers are quick to dismiss students as lazy but is there really such a thing? Teachers today lack professional information about how kids learn and function and what can get in the way. Laziness accounts for a tiny percentage of failure, if it accounts for any at all.

this is very true in elementary school, but in high school? not so true. there are plenty of teenagers who are simply lazy.

the problem is you can't know. I have had students who seemed perfectly capable of doing well if they wanted to, until I found out what crazy emotional/ family issues they were going through.

of course teachers need to try to be more sensitive to ALL their students, and if they see a girl is consistently failing or exhibiting other strange behaviors, they should try to speak to her or get to the bottom of it, but the bottom line is that this letter should be addressed to principals. it is (or should be) the job of the principal to find our what kind of situation a student is coming from and keep the teachers informed. of course in large schools this is very difficult/ impossible... Sad

incidentally, this letter does not sound real. it has a valid point but I think it was made up or exaggerated to prove that point. I imagine if a girl had THAT many different issues, a teacher could have picked up on something.

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