Do u get a weekly allowance from ur husband?

amother

Caramel ↓

Yesterday at 1:37 pm

Molly Weasley wrote:

I feel like I can cry.

Why are you ganging up on her??!?!?? She did nothing wrong!!!

There's no reason to make her feel bad, even if your situation is different than hers. What's wrong with you?!?

She asked an innocent question, and if you have a problem with her husband don't take it out on her!!

No one's "ganging up" against anyone
People are rightfully very disturbed by the situation being described here.
It's in the realm of financial abuse. Op, look it up.

amother

↑ Caramel ↓

Yesterday at 1:39 pm

amother Linen wrote:

This sounds like money is tight and he is trying to rein in spending.

Reigning in spending should be a budgeting discussion between the couple. This is not it. This is him controlling all the money, not giving her access to it unless she asks, and even then he doesn't always give. And he's annoyed when she uses money
None of this is ok.

amother

Lightcyan ↓

Yesterday at 1:40 pm

I'm trying to understand if he's controlling and financially abusive or if you have no understanding of how budgeting works.

If the first is the case, you would see a lot more concerning behaviors in your marriage.

If it's your financial literacy, it would be good for you to sit down and look at your budget together with your husband. See how much money is needed for rent and groceries and tuition and savings, and how much is left for discretionary spending (which is the fancy word for for an adult's personal spending money.)

It's actually a very good idea for each spouse to have an "allowance" of sorts, some money they can choose to spend, however they choose on whatever they want without justifying it or being fully necessary. Even if you're living on a tight budget, putting a side of small amount weekly for this makes life more livable. What's concerning is you talk about your husband as giving it to you. Which means one of you don't have such a normal relationship towards your family's money.

amother

↑ Linen ↓

Yesterday at 1:41 pm

amother Caramel wrote:

Reigning in spending should be a budgeting discussion between the couple. This is not our. This is him controlling all the money, not giving her access to it unless she asks, and even then he doesn't always give. And he's annoyed when she uses money
None of this is ok.

Maybe she has no interest in the finances and doesn't want to know how much is actually available. I know lots of people that prefer denial.

amother

↑ Slategray ↓

Yesterday at 1:47 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

Exactly. To everyone crying that he’s controlling, OP has insinuated a few times that she doesn’t have an understanding about budgeting.

If this is the case, OP, it seems like you don’t like being left in the dark. Ask your husband to sit down with you and help you understand, explain it all to you. But know, if you are tight financially, it makes more sense to make your “extras” weekly budget very small.

amother

↑ Linen

Yesterday at 2:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Instead of asking for money every time I need to buy something I want to get a weekly "wage".. trying to figure out how much money is normal per week for sahm and 3 kids... he has money for what he wants...

It really depends on how much is available

amother

Stoneblue ↓

Yesterday at 2:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't get any money.. if I need money need to beg for it and tell him what I'm buying. Alot of times I just use his card without telling him and he is not happy.. so thought a weekly amount of money would be great.

I’m sorry OP but this sounds like financial abuse. Is he controlling in other ways as well?

amother

Clover

Yesterday at 3:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think you and dh need to sit down and figure out how much money you spend weekly. You also need to see how much you are earning and create a budget. Then you can have him give you that amount every week. You can call it an allowance but really it is a budget. I wouldn't even call it an allowance if you are talking about pocket cash for your discretionary spending. You are not his child. Does he get a weekly allowance?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 3:01 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

I’m sorry OP but this sounds like financial abuse. Is he controlling in other ways as well?

Started therapy for this and I was advised to get weekly money thats why want to know what makes sence.. he make avrage money we are not tight bh

amother

↑ Stoneblue ↓

Yesterday at 3:02 pm

amother Slategray wrote:

The words “beg for money” screams abuse Sad

amother

Maroon ↓

Yesterday at 3:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

You’re not getting an answer becouse this is not a typical way that couples handle money.
Almost every one I know both half of the couple have equal access to the money.

The only cases where I know that one half of a couple has an allowance is when one has a compulsive spending issue.

You are not describing a typical situation so most Ima’s can’t help

amother

↑ Stoneblue ↓

Yesterday at 3:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Started therapy for this and I was advised to get weekly money thats why want to know what makes sence.. he make avrage money we are not tight bh

What are you looking to pay for with this money? What are you usually asking for?

amother

↑ Maroon ↓

Yesterday at 3:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Started therapy for this and I was advised to get weekly money thats why want to know what makes sence.. he make avrage money we are not tight bh

I didn’t see this before I responded.
Since this an unusal situation people aren’t going to be helpful.
I would recommend you make a budget of what you feel you need.
Go through all your wants and needs and come up with a number that has all your needs and a few of your wants.
Good luck

amother

↑ Aster

Yesterday at 3:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm sorry you're being treated like this.

Is he a very controlling person in general? Or do you have an otherwise great marriage and this is just some mishugas he learned from his parents and thinks is normal?

If he is in fact of a controlling nature, then in such a case I think you should try to get a cash weekly allowance - as much as you can talk him into. And I think you should squirrel away as much of it as you can every week. You may very well need it in the future.

amother

Pearl

Yesterday at 3:24 pm

The only time when it's normal for a wife to get a weekly "allowance" is when the husband does also, or vice versa. In which case, if both spouses agree to take out a certain amount of money as spending money per week, and put anything remaining in savings, fine.

amother

Oxfordblue ↓

Yesterday at 3:44 pm

Wow why can’t anyone help op?

Money is tight so we do split up the amount we can use for spending. We do have a cheshbon of x amount for cleaning help, x amount for groceries, x amount for emergency spending etc.. try to add up what you usually spend a week and give him that number.

amother

↑ Oxfordblue ↓

Yesterday at 3:44 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

Why can’t we be helpful in her unique situation? Why do all posts have to just preach at op?

amother

Begonia

Yesterday at 3:47 pm

It's also community based, in some communities it's set up that way where men are the breadwinners and providing, and women stay home to take care of the family, and men don't want women to have the strain of finances so they are left out of the loop, with men doing the providing and women doing the shopping/spending but yes if in a unhealthy dynamic it can turn into control. If in a healthy dynamic, man us happy to provide, and woman is happy to rely on husband.