Gentle parenting success

mizle10

Thu, May 02 2024, 4:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't know your kid but there has to be a reason he's acting that way. Punishing just makes you feel better but doesn't do anything for your kid except make him scared of being punished again.

It's not punishing, it's teaching your children that in life there are natural consequences to the things we do. It's a very very important lesson to understand.

If they are too loud in the car they cannot come next time.
If they skip their homework they will have to do it during free time.
If they don't appreciate a gift from their dh they won't get them often.
If they don't make an effort to call their grandmother they won't have a relationship with her.

None of these are punishments. They're just life. It's teaching your child to think before they act because our actions do have consequences.

Not reacting at all to bad behavior is teaching them do whatever you please.

flowerpower

Thu, May 02 2024, 4:36 pm

Gentle parenting is a failure in the long run. It’s teaching kids not to cope in the real world. No consequences… I never punished a kid but they were taught that certain things are dangerous and scary things can happen if they are done like cv running on the st or throwing things on people . They hear the word no but in other words like -“ we can’t go now because….” Or “first your the toys need to be cleaned up then we can have a snack”. Your kids were well behaved because your mom prayed extra hard for an easy yom tov

HeartyAppetite ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 5:18 pm

I think people don’t know what gentle parenting really is. It’s not permissive parenting. I took a gentle parenting course and actually learned how to put boundaries. It made me rethink the boundaries if they were for the child’s good or not, and how to enforce them. Gentle parenting taught me how to give my child natural consequences. It taught me to respect my child, and listen to their feelings. It is not at all do as you please…

amother

DarkGreen ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 7:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

Of course and iyh Hashem will give me the koach to deal with it as it comes but one of my kids is a very anxious child and one is a very energetic child. They're both completely different personalities and bh both well behaved I believe because of gentle parenting

I didn't read through the whole thread but let me tell you one thing parenting for many years has taught me, and that is: Don't take credit for positive outcomes. Come off your high horse.
You are blessed with relatively easy kids. I know because I have both varieties. And just as I won't take the blame for the kids who misbehave and push and shove and aren't polite and have huge meltdowns etc, I won't take the credit for the kids who are well behaved.

We do our best, that's our job as parents, but stop right there.

(for the record, I don't potch, don't do serious punishments, don't yell at my kids or anyone)

amother

↑ Broom ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 7:06 pm

HeartyAppetite wrote:

That's what I gathered it is. That's why I don't get all the posts ganging up on OP because of one point they don't agree with.

Y'know, different strokes for different folks and all that.

amother

Tulip

Thu, May 02 2024, 7:39 pm

Op I'm glad its working well for you. I have a great relationship with my kids bh and no need to punish either and I have the most amazing well behaved kids bh and I know it has nothing to do with my parenting and that they are just naturally good natured kids bh until my oldest became a teen and boy did my life get fun. She is by far my hardest and is raised by the same parents as my others.
Im happy that you're confident its your parenting and I hope that works for well for you forever but many experienced moms may disagree with you

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:58 pm

amother Gray wrote:

Gentle parenting is great and I try to implement it as well, but allowing your 2 year old to sit on your baby is neglect and not gentle parenting.
You must remove your child right away and protect your baby.
This example isn’t gentle parenting.

I remove my baby from the situation but then I just walk away
I dont give my 2 year old the negative attention he wanted

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:00 pm

HeartyAppetite wrote:

I think you misunderstood. I dont do permissive parenting.
I follow blimi hellers parenting way of gentle parenting

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:02 pm

flowerpower wrote:

We do natural consequences and let them figure out how to problem solve... with some guidance...

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:07 pm

amother Lime wrote:

Are you naturally good at it? Do you have unlimited patience?
I would love to do what you do but am not sure I am built for it

My mother was always very tough and she had a hard time to really connect with me on an emotional level but not at all abusive chv
So Im trying a different approach. I give my kids a whole lot of love, personal attention and touch
Its very hard for me but I really try very hard to leave my worries outside and my kids dont feel it

↑ giftedmom ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think you misunderstood. I dont do permissive parenting.
I follow blimi hellers parenting way of gentle parenting

Blimi heller doesn’t believe in judging your parenting by your kids behavior and for good reason. What happens if/when they start acting out? You’ll consider it a failure?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 11:25 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Blimi heller doesn’t believe in judging your parenting by your kids behavior and for good reason. What happens if/when they start acting out? You’ll consider it a failure?

they do act out. theyre not perfect children
they do have meltdowns, and dont want to go to bed and they do fight...

amother

↑ Azalea ↓

Fri, May 03 2024, 12:12 am

amother OP wrote:

I think you misunderstood. I dont do permissive parenting.
I follow blimi hellers parenting way of gentle parenting

Allowing a child to sit on the baby and not doing anything about it & not disciplining the child, is not gentle parenting. It's permissive parenting & I'm pretty sure that this isn't Blimi Heller approved.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, May 03 2024, 12:22 am

amother Azalea wrote:

I pull the baby away. child knows full well I dont approve and after he actually tells me hes not going to do it again

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, May 03 2024, 12:33 am

amother OP wrote:

they do act out. theyre not perfect children
they do have meltdowns, and dont want to go to bed and they do fight...

But they also play nicely, communicate between each other, clean up on their own, vacuum my house and do a really good job at it, express their feelings to me, finish their dinner, help bring things in from the car... BH

amother

↑ Azalea ↓

Fri, May 03 2024, 12:36 am

amother OP wrote:

I pull the baby away. child knows full well I dont approve and after he actually tells me hes not going to do it again

(You're supposed to remove the older child, not the baby, but that's besides the point.)

You said upthread that you let your older child sit on the baby till he gets up on his own & that you don't do anything about it.
You said that your MIL disciplined the older child, because he was sitting on the baby & you didn't do anything.
So what is it? You take baby away, or you ignore and let the older kid sit on the baby till he decides to get up?
If a child sits on the baby, you pick up the child & take him away from the baby. Period. It's not the time for sweet gentle talk & allowing the child to sit on the baby till he decides to get up on his own.

↑ giftedmom ↓

Fri, May 03 2024, 12:39 am

amother OP wrote:

How are you following Blimi heller and consider “finishing your dinner” good behavior?

amother

↑ Azalea ↓

Fri, May 03 2024, 12:42 am

giftedmom wrote:

How are you following Blimi heller and consider “finishing your dinner” good behavior?

You took the words out of my mouth.
Finishing dinner is not a sign of good behavior. Kids shouldn't be forced/told to finish their dinner & definitely shouldn't be taught that it's good behavior to finish their dinner.
OP, I really think that you need proper guidance.