Divorcing a woman that cheated

↑ Motek ↓

Tue, Sep 12 2006, 5:40 pm

faigie wrote:

I dont know why the poor woman who was unjustly accused and still had to go thru the whole chad gadya ( hair loosened drinking stuff etc) just didnt up and divorce the husband who shamed her needlessly and put her thru the ringer.

Because she wasn't unjustly accused! She was spending time with a male other than her husband and her husband warned her: Don't seclude yourself with him! She didn't listen (if it was reversed, would you say the poor husband who was unjustly accused of hanging out with a woman who wasn't his wife?). So no, he didn't shame her needlessly. The opposite - she shamed him! How embarrassing that she hung out with another man, poor husband!

Ribbie Danzinger

Sat, Oct 14 2006, 8:11 pm

Yoyosma, I think this is what has been said in one of the previous posts, if it was rape then she is permitted to go back to her husband.

As it is I know of a case where the husband knew of the wife's misdemeanor (not rape) and agreed that she stay with him. They just moved out of reach of the adulterer. shelo neida mitzarot.

bandcm ↓

Sun, Oct 15 2006, 6:14 pm

Isn´t it a bit funny to discuss al pi halacha what a woman who cheats must do??
Does it look like she cares much about halacha??
If you´re discussing what her husband has to do when he finds out, then ok.

↑ chen

Mon, Oct 16 2006, 10:13 am

faigie wrote:

First of all, al pi halacha a woman does not have the power to divorce a man--he has the power to divorce her. Hence the root of much of the current agunah problem.

also you are thinking like a 21st-century woman and aren't considering life in the ancient Middle East, which by and large was not kind to women who did not live under the aegis of a father or a husband. How was she going to make a living? What kind of social acceptance could she possibly have? What sort of remarriage prospects would she have?

furthermore, generally speaking a Sotah wasn't 100% on the up-and-up, even if she didn't violate the 7th Commandment. The word "sotah" is related to "shotah", or "fool". She behaved foolishly and the husband's suspicion is not entirely unwarranted. This is a woman whose dh warned her specifically not to be closeted with a certain man and she went ahead and was closeted with him anyway. As my Chumash teacher said, "they weren't exactly planning her husband's surprise birthday party."

↑ bandcm

Tue, Oct 17 2006, 9:08 pm

healthymama wrote:

I guess the above poster thinks that once you do something wrong, you cannot have any further desire to do the right thing. Right ?

Actually, I myself have been in that very position. I have done something wrong and then I have done something right afterwards! Like, for examle, I wrote the above post, and then I realized, after your answer, that I was wrong, so now I am correcting it.
You Are Right.

↑ amother

Wed, Oct 25 2006, 5:40 pm

so what if the husband cheated? what should she do. says he has a problem and is trying to stop. should a women c;onsider divorce?? is she supposed to stay and help him stop ?? weird situation!! husband told me he worked alot and learned but was out doing "things" everything but relations never a relationship. has this happened to anyone else out there.?? Sad

Ruchel

Wed, Oct 25 2006, 7:34 pm

No one can know what you really should do since our opinions are theory... If you want to stay, stay. If you don't want to... imho such a breach of trust is more than enough for that.
Be careful, look after yourself and be careful for your health (get tested) if he has done "things".