Teens spending their own money on extravagant purchases

dinglehopper

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 5:12 am

It is her money so as hard as it can be for us to watch it, let her spend it. Now is the time they need to learn to make financial mistakes, not when they have a mortgage and three kids and don't know how to handle money. I bite my tongues a lot as my teens spend money on weird stuff as I was always a huge huge saver. But now as an adult I have weird hang ups about money that hopefully my kids won't have. Let her enjoy spending her money.

amother

↑ Turquoise

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 7:49 am

There is something important about saving, but there is also something important about spending something and enjoying life.
My father was a businessman. Whenever he made a ‘deal’ - large or small he put something aside from the profit and gave to my mother to use for what she wants.
I think that is a very healthy balance.
Your daughter is saving - she is taking a small amount (from her few thousand dollars) and using it for
Something important to her. She knows it’s ridiculous- since you’re not buying it for her.
It’ll be a live and learn lesson for her is she sees I. A year it really wasn’t necessary.

↑ Chayalle

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 7:59 am

amother OP wrote:

Chayalle, I’m a long time fan of yours and was excited to see a response from you. Although it felt a little harsh. My life hasn’t been easy and perhaps I spend as a coping skill. Still, I’ve always taught my children responsible spending and they never ask for expensive items from me. In fact my daughter didn’t dream of asking me to buy this or anything remotely like it. She’s always so appreciative of every small thing I get her. This is something she wanted to spend her own money on. She feels she worked hard for the money (babysitting crying kids and changing dirty diapers) and this is important to her. She’s too young to start thinking about really important things like buying a car. I’m guessing our girls are part of very different crowds. I still value your opinion, and I understand your point, but I think if I deprive her something all her friends have and don’t allow her to spend a small percentage of her hard earned money as she would like, she will only be resentful. And I don’t see anything good coming out of that.

I apologize if my response was harsh.
I think that overall, our kids are getting Chinuch not just from us, but from their surroundings as well, and what's going on is terrible. Increased gashmiyus to the point of stupidity. When I was a teen, I wanted to spend on nice clothes. Nowadays it's pajamas! Sweatshirts! Designer fanny paks. There's no end to it. However if your daughter is part of a crowd where everyone does this, and she's working for it, then that's where she's at. You don't have alot of choices here. And if spending is your coping skill then why shouldn't it be hers. However I'll still say (gently) that it's not a great coping skill, and it affects those around us. We spend, they spend, everyone spends. Why shouldn't our teens want to spend if we do? They also don't have it easy. As you say, she's working hard, taking care of crying babies and dirty diapers....and it's all a circle, because the other teens have it so she needs to have it, everyone's choices affecting everyone else....
I'm not saying to deprive her of it, but recognize where it all starts, and work on yourself when you can.

ora_43 ↓

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 9:58 am

I'd allow it. I think it's important for older teens to see that their money is really theirs, and sometimes that means spending it badly. Better now than later.

A few caveats:
- I do make sure my kids are aware of any big expenses that might be coming up for them later (driving lessons, a trip with friends I'm not planning to pay for)

- I heavily encourage them to wait 1-2 days to think over major purchases (and to try to find things for cheaper, where that applies)

- If I saw that a specific kid had an issue with impulse purchases or with constantly feeling poor without luxury goods, I'd address that with them (I'd still let them make the purchase, I'd just force them to talk to me about it Very Happy

)

↑ ora_43

Mon, Aug 05 2024, 10:02 am

BTW I said spending 'badly' but honestly, for older teen girls, I think buying 1-2 overpriced luxury goods isn't always a bad idea. If a kid was using 90% of their salary for luxury goods that'd be one thing. But a kid who normally shops for bargains, is generally responsible and responsible with money, doesn't live beyond her means - if she wants to splurge on 1-2 items that are going to make her feel trendy/elegant/whatever, it's not the worst way to use money.