Do girls light menorah?

pause

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 5:52 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

My girls light their own menorah. (Chassidish)

So do mine. They will light as long as they want to.
I lit when I was younger. Don't remember when I stopped, probably around bas mitzvah but not davka then. I just kinda became too big.

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 5:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have a few sons BH, and now a daughter who is old enough to light a menorah. We automatically gave her one to light, but my older sons want to know why she is lighting. TBH we never really thought about it, I know I lit when I was a kid, probably until at least bas mitzvah age. But my parents were new BT's and often didnt do things like that.
Is it done for a girl to light a menorah? If yes, until what age?
For reference we are JPF veering towards the yeshivish spectrum Smile

My daughters light. Oldest is 17 kah.
With the brachos.

farm

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 5:58 pm

I lit until marriage. My MIL still lights and so do some of my married SIL’s- somewhat unusual in our circles but good for them! There is zero reason to have your girls stop at bas mitzvah if they are happy to light.

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 5:59 pm

amother Oatmeal wrote:

My parents made me stop at bas mitzvah and I resented it for years. I finally moved out in my early 20s and immediately started lighting again. Kept it up after I got married, too.

So did mine. We fought a lot about it each Chanukah and it made Chanukah a very hard YT for me with a lot of negative feelings. Eventually I started lighting again and these days my younger sisters also light their own menorahs.

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 6:14 pm

amother Pink wrote:

I lit menorah until I got married. My girls all light menorah too. I've never heard of stopping to light menorah at bas mitzvah age.

Yeah I don’t understand the stopping at bat mitzvah age.

↑ paperflowers

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 7:09 pm

amother Hunter wrote:

My question is what happens at Bas Mitzvah, why are the stopped from lighting? Due to tzniyus?

Or it's the opposite, one for the household but we save the boys need to light for "chinuch".

Either way I do feel somehow our communities decided women shouldn't be seen or heard at some point and they just make up different reasons to justify it.

Exactly

↑ Hashem_Yaazor ↓

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 7:18 pm

I think it's the Mishna Berurah who says the minhag is that women don't light. Chasam Sofer says the ikar mitzvah is lighting b'pesach beiso which contradicts kol kevuda bas melech penima...

Something like this, my husband isn't home to ask and it's been a few years since I was surprised to learn that his minhag is that girls don't light over bas mitzvah (my daughter did light that first year as she wasn't expecting to skip out but since then my girls over 12 don't light)

My mother lights though (after we all left the house as she wanted a specific menorah situation that she likes and my father lights a different one. I'm not sure if she says a bracha.)

amother

Daisy

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 8:00 pm

I learned that the woman doesn’t light because she’s included with her husband, and the girls don’t light because it’s not appropriate for them to light when their mother doesn’t. But girls definitely have a chiyuv. When I was away from home (seminary, etc.) I lit my own menorah.

amother

↑ Feverfew

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:17 pm

pause wrote:

So do mine. They will light as long as they want to.
I lit when I was younger. Don't remember when I stopped, probably around bas mitzvah but not davka then. I just kinda became too big.

It doesn't look like my teen girls are planning to give it up anytime soon, they love it.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:36 pm

wow, this is OP
I was hosting a chanukah party and couldnt get back onto imamother literally since I made my original post. Thanks for all the responses! So I see that there are different opinions, I think I'm going to ask our Rav before next year Chanukah!

amother

Pearl ↓

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:53 pm

amother Daisy wrote:

So the wife should light. Problem solved. Why does the women HAVE to be included with husband if it’s less ideal.

I really struggle when I see things like this in Halacha:(

amother

↑ Arcticblue

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 9:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Hope your party was a success!!
It's not that crazy not to be on Imamother for a few hours, you don't need to apologize

↑ Reality ↓

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 10:42 pm

amother Pearl wrote:

So the wife should light. Problem solved. Why does the women HAVE to be included with husband if it’s less ideal.

I really struggle when I see things like this in Halacha:(

She doesn't have to. If a married, Ashkenazi woman wants to light she can.

Please don't struggle over things like this. A woman has the same chiyuv as a man when it comes to lighting menorah and many other mitzvos.

↑ Reality

Wed, Dec 13 2023, 10:48 pm

Any woman who is Ashkenazi and wants to light but it is against their minhag can change their minhag and light.

A while back we had a thread about different minhagim and I got criticized for saying I had learned some minhagim are halachicly preferred over others. Ashkenazi women and girls lighting menorah fits the criteria. We are supposed to light according to halacha.

amother

↑ Canary

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 2:05 am

amother Pearl wrote:

So the wife should light. Problem solved. Why does the women HAVE to be included with husband if it’s less ideal.

I really struggle when I see things like this in Halacha Sad

Same. Its not fair and Im sure there are many females out there that resent this.
Its like "why am I not allowed to do ehat my brother gets to do?"
Im so glad I grew up in a home where everyone lit.

↑ LovesHashem ↓

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 2:16 am

amother Pearl wrote:

So the wife should light. Problem solved. Why does the women HAVE to be included with husband if it’s less ideal.

I really struggle when I see things like this in Halacha:(

As I stated earlier many yeshivish rabbanim hold if a husband will be home too late its preferable for the wife to light for both of them. If they are both home there's no preference actually (besides the whole tzniyus thing if you light outside which sounds outdated to me still)

Also if you bring up to your Rav with your husband that it's really bothering you there's a good chance he will encourage you to light. There's nothing halchicaly wrong with it and shalom bayis and a happy wife if definitely in everyone's best interests.

Busybee5

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 2:46 am

I have one daughter, and she wants to light just like her brothers, but she doesn't make the berochos. She's 7.