Would you pick her up from camp?

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Aug 10 2022, 6:44 am

I was the out of town (plane ride away) camper. I was miserable, confused and lonely during my first summer but there was obviously no way that I could leave. So I figured it out.
I didn't have the right stuff most of the time, didn't get the nuances and broke so many rules without wanting to.
I learnt how to enjoy myself without friends at times. I learnt how to have spunk and spirit no matter what. I came back year after year and became a valued staff member.
I learnt real resilience during those years. and 'till this day my camp experience is something I hold close to my heart.
(I will add for reference that I was coming from abuse and neglect and paying my way. so I was really invested in making it work. But was that such a bad thing? )

↑ keym ↓

Wed, Aug 10 2022, 7:02 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

What if you never learned to enjoy it?
What if you stayed miserable?

Im not necessarily talking about op here. In general the amothers who are saying that they wouldn't pick up. She needs to learn resiliency. She chose camp.
I don't know.
Or maybe a girl learns that she's miserable and her gut tells her this is all wrong and everyone tells her too bad. And such a girl carries this lesson into unhealthy friendships, unhealthy mentors, unhealthy marriages.
She learns that she can't trust her own experience. She learns that it's not ok to admit to making a mistake.

I don't know what to answer op. It sounds like her daughter is not as miserable as she presents.
But to answer what is the harm in making her stay?

I don't know. Imagine the stakes were higher and this whole conversation was an OP asking about her newlywed daughter who claims she's miserable and begging to come home. Do we make her stick it out as a valuable learning experience and the wedding were so expensive?

Just something to think about.

↑ Chayalle

Wed, Aug 10 2022, 7:12 am

keym wrote:

I think many girls take longer than a week to adjust. I know girls who love camp who were miserable the first week.

But if my DD hadn't adjusted by visiting day, I would take her home. I think that's long enough.

Similarly, we wouldn't tell newlyweds to get divorced the morning after their first argument. Give it time, see if they can learn to communicate positively. But I agree with you that one must pick up when a situation is untenable.

amother

↑ Yolk

Wed, Aug 10 2022, 7:13 am

When I promised to pick up my son in a few days, that's when he started having fun. That means it was his attitude that was the problem.
If not in physical or emotional danger, then learning how to adjust to different settings is a good thing.

And if he never learned to like it or enjoy himself, no big deal. Next summer we'll do something different.

amother

Bluebonnet

Wed, Aug 10 2022, 7:13 am

I was your daughter. Hi 👋

Went to camp with no real friends. Was naturally a bit more the homesick type, but I had gone to camp previously with a few friends and had a blast.
I was miserable. Mainly due to the social aspect because I was OOT and just couldn’t relate to the in-town mentality—the camp itself wasn’t the greatest match in that way.

I stuck it out for 4.5 miserable weeks hoping I would fall in love with it eventually. Nope. Parents brought me home a week and a half early.

There were pros and cons to this approach looking back, but I think after sticking it out for that long, not much was gonna change for me. The only thing I probably would have gained is feeling like I succeeded in getting to the last day of camp. Was definitely a learning experience.

↑ keym

Wed, Aug 10 2022, 7:20 am

Chayalle wrote:

Oh I agree.
Im responding to the general argument that there's no downside in forcing her to stick it out. That she chose to go to camp so she should live with her choices.

I wouldn't run to pick up.
I would be careful not to minimize her pain. Help her make a careful analysis. Most of all, make her feel like she was heard.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 10 2022, 8:10 am

Update, after my offer that she does have the option to come home I havent heard from her all day which actually had me concerned until the call came last night. Hi ma im having a great time, spent the rest of the day with another bunk and getting to know a lot of cute girls.
Her bunk was having a meeting last night, seems its a very quiet bunk and the girls arent happy, she was offered to switch bunks and hopefully that will happen today and that cute cheery voice I heard last night will continue iyh. I really hope so.
Maybe it really does take some more time to adjust, she really wants this to work and maybe it will.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Aug 10 2022, 8:13 am

For whatever reason she has way to much access to a phone which surprised me since I thought camps have strict rules and I actually think thats a good thing. Although selfishly I appreciated hearing from her for my own nerves it wasnt helping her much to try harder when im so reachable and she can keep running to me to cry. Its been an emotional roller coaster ride for me being so far.