Chasidish: How to inform my 10 yr old daughter about puberty

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↑ greenfire

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 11:59 am

Tefila wrote:

b'h
Personally I would not feel a need to address it till right before her 12th birthday when pubic hair starts coming in.
Yichud I would address way earlier though.

if you wait till she is 12 - she might be explaining to you a few things ...

also when a girl goes through puberty as young as 10 their breast buds could be already in bloom and I assure you they'd want to know what it is ...

either you can tell them - or they can find out elsewhere and resent you for the rest of their life for not filling them in before they get surprised ...

and the normal onset is anywhere between the ages of 8 and 16 ...

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 12:05 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

periods I unerstand that needs explanation, but breast development, well what is there to explain.

I got my period at 12 1/2. fortunately my first cousin had told me all about it a year before...

I had no idea my breasts would be tender when they developed. I thought something was wrong until my mother explained

and good thing we had the "talk' at 11, because I got my period at 11.5

↑ amother

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 12:28 pm

My daughter is going to be 11 and I told her about the period and breast development this summer as I noticed that she was growing pubic hair and I was kinda nervous that she would get her period before I got a chance to tell her. I too developed pubic hair way before my period or breast development, which incidently I read online is perfectly normal too.
On the same note, I read online that after the first period most girls will not grow any more than maximum 1 1/2 inches. is that at all true? How much did you or your daughters grow after your period?

↑ Mama Bear

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 12:56 pm

Got my pd at 12 1/2 and didnt grow much after that. butI doubt thats got to do with anything, one of my sibs got hers at 12 and is a lot taller htan me.

ShakleeMom

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 2:04 pm

I told my dd that there are things that can (not will, to minimize the trauma, lol) to her body... like bleeding in her panty... and if she ever sees that, she should put a huge wad of tissues in there and ask someone for a pad. And then I told her that then, I will explain to her what it means and how to take care of it. I also told her that it's normal, all the big girls have it and it's not so scary, so she shouldn't think that she is dying. Also, I told her "I am telling you because I want you to be calm and not run around all over the place saying I'm dying I'm dying because when you'll be older and look back and say OMG I was such a fool" so she said thank you mommy! Then, I showed her where the pads are in the house and she said, ok please, I don't need it... signaling that the subject was over. About a half a year after that I saw some suspicious stuff on her underwear which turned out to be a hoax... but I asked her "do you remember how many tissues to put if you see that you are bleeding... she said, yes mommy, bunched up as big as an orange... and that it will only last for about 15 minutes" we shared a laugh and that was that. I feel I did enough.

sequoia

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 5:16 pm

My mother told me when I was ten and we never addressed the subject again until I got it at twelve and a half. She was really matter-of-fact about it which made things seem simple. Also I had no pain or cramps at the beginning so I thought it was really quite a normal thing.

As for breasts, yeah, when they're growing they're so tender, and you're used to sleeping on your stomach but now you can't, and it's all so new and uncomfortable... it's good to talk about it and reassure your daughter it's normal.

ra_mom

Sun, Oct 18 2009, 5:30 pm

You mentioned that you don't want your daughter to talk about the subject with her friends.
Explain to her that this is a private subject about her body, and she should not discuss it with her friends. Then let her know that you will tell her everything there is to know, and that if she ever has any questions she can come to you and you will be open and honest with her. That way she'll feel that you are there for her, and hopefully won't feel the need to discuss it with her peers.

Chayalle

Mon, Oct 19 2009, 6:42 am

My DD is eleven, and very very petite. Even though I know that she will not likely develop until her teens (as she has a bone age of 7) I told her about development and periods as soon as she turned 10. I don't think this should be dependant on your DD's personal development, but rather, when it is age appropriate and other girls her age know. I wouldn't want her to hear "whispers" and not know what's going on.

I strongly believe that by developing positive communication with your DD, you are opening the door to a healthy mother/daughter relationship for the teen years. Let your DD know that you are willing to discuss anything that bothers her or that she is thinking about, and then YOU will be her source for conversations such as these, and she will have no need to join the babbling bathroom club.

I have posted this previously - a very prominent mechaneches advised me to say to my DD that this conversation that I am having with her is very important, and it is the most special conversation a mother can have with her DD. So she should please not spoil it for her friends by telling them, because for sure their mothers' want to be the ones to tell them.

As to when she actually gets her period...I've instructed her that if it happens in school, she should go to the nurse and tell her she needs to come home (if nurse doesn't think she's sick she can tell her she got her period for the first time). I told her that Bli Neder I will drop everything in order to take her out to eat, to celebrate. So she can't wait!

Ruchel

Mon, Oct 19 2009, 6:45 am

They say when you get your period often is the beginning of the last years of growth. I had mine at 13.5/14 and stopped growing at 17.

MOMMYRN

Mon, Oct 19 2009, 7:25 am

I also had the bood "the wonder of becoming you". I think it is better to tell her now. there are so many girls who I know that have gotten their periods at 10 or 11. if you wait until she gets her period or starts her changes, she will freak out!

Fox

Mon, Oct 19 2009, 10:10 am

I also found "The Wonder of Becoming You" to be an excellent springboard for the conversation. Ten is definitely not too early! As others have mentioned, delaying the conversation just increases the chance of being caught off-guard or having the information passed along by peers.

And I second ra_mom's suggestion of just emphasizing that tznius and good taste prevent us from discussing details about this topic with friends, etc. I always used the "Miss Manners" line that "there are things that are appropriate to know that are not appropriate to discuss."

In fact, one of the things about "The Wonder of Becoming You" that I really appreciated is that it takes a very matter-of-fact, almost scientific approach. My DDs really benefited from the whole tone of the book.

Health is a Virture

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 3:40 am

from the time one gets their period the first time, they will usually grow for about 2 more years.

Isramom8

Wed, Nov 18 2009, 4:47 am

I read The Wonder Of Becoming You out loud with my daughter, so we could discuss it. Each girl has her own copy of the book so that she can refer to it whenever she wants, in the privacy of her room.

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