judy blume | Imamother

Raisin

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 4:48 pm

cassandra wrote:

(As a side question-- do frum, pubescent kids not have s-xual feelings because they are not exposed to this material?)

maybe but they are not usually in school or otherwise hanging out with boys. And I was not allowed to read such books when I was that age, and I was probably pretty naive till I was in my teens. Not necessarily a bad thing.

↑ Isramom8 ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 4:58 pm

cassandra wrote:

(As a side question-- do frum, pubescent kids not have s-xual feelings because they are not exposed to this material?)

They do, but the less of a big deal made over it, the less of a big deal it will be in their lives. In my experience, frum girls do not form their entire identity around beginning to wear a bra or menstruate. Their thoughts are not mainly (or at all) on how attract a boyfriend or girlfriend. When the default options presented to preteen and teens experiencing s@xual maturation are kissing games and body exploration, that is what will interest young readers.

I think a healthier approach is to acknowledge physical development and relate to it in a respectful manner, providing information that kids need to know - without blowing s@xuality out of proportion in their lives.

↑ DefyGravity ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:04 pm

IMO, Judy Blume doesn't blow s-xuality out of proportion in her books. As a frum girl, I could still relate to most of her characters. As a pre-teen, her books helped me understand puberty and my changing body. It was good to see that my thoughts and experiences were not unusual. As a teen, many kids think that they are the only ones experiencing certain changes and situations. Her books showed me that I was a normal teen.

I liked her books and would definitely want my daughter to read them as well.

↑ cassandra ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:18 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

Agreed. It's not the End of the World (now I remember the name) was about friendship, family problems, and being quirky (which I related to). Tiger Eyes was about grief. I think I started Deenie but I don't think I liked it so I don't really remember it. Is there something awful in it?

↑ DefyGravity

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:29 pm

Deenie was about a girl that has scoliosis and has to be fitted with a Milwaukee brace. It's about self-confidence and the importance of looking below the surface when making new friends. I recently reread it Smile

Clarissa ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:40 pm

I've posted this before, but I'll tell the story again. I learned about s*x when I was seven, at summer camp. Avoiding Judy Blume books won't prevent your kids from hearing about it. And trust me, hearing it from other kids makes it pretty inaccurate. By the way, the language used in the explanation was not the most...refined.

↑ Isramom8 ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:42 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

Yes. It is. And it's also about Deenie chasing Buddy, whom she ends up hiding with as they kiss, and Deenie's sister who denies what her mother told her about G-d, and Deenie annoyed at having a period, and Deenie engaging in body exploration. Do you recall any of this?

Great to hand a frum seventh grader?

↑ Isramom8 ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:43 pm

Clarissa wrote:

Did I write something unrefined? Please let me know and I'll consider editing my post.

↑ Clarissa ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 5:48 pm

The language used in the explanation of s*x I heard from my bunkmates when I was seven. I think it might have been just as good to hear hints of it in a book, especially a well-written work of fiction. In other words, keeping your children away from Judy Blume won't keep them from knowing or learning, and they might learn in a way that isn't the way you would handle it. It's not as if these books are [filthy].

↑ cassandra ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:00 pm

Yeah, I've said before that I learned about s-x from my frum teenage girl babysitter when I was five (maybe she had just read a Judy Blume book?) I guess that's why these books weren't really so shocking to me. The plot and major themes always made much more of an impression on me.

↑ octopus ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:02 pm

first of all, you don't learn s-x from these books. Maybe you learn some interesting facts, but it doesn't teach you much. Second of all, I learned the facts of life from a co-worker in day camp. I was 13 at the time.

↑ leomom ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:18 pm

I read all the Judy Blume books when I was a kid. (I didn't grow up frum.) I definitely read and re-read the juicy parts, and the scenarios in those books stuck in my head forever.

My eyes were definitely opened by some of what I read. And my actions were definitely influenced -- not by those books alone, but by the whole package of values I was getting from books like that plus movies plus TV, etc. (plus what was going on socially all around me). My life and environment were pretty accurately reflected in Judy Blume books, and her books were in turn reflected in my life...

We had boy-girl parties in sixth grade that were directly inspired by those books, for example.

It's not a matter of one book's influence. It's the overall picture that you want to present to your children, and what you want them to focus on in their lives as they grow and develop. I don't want my children to read Judy Blume because I don't share her values and I don't want her "teaching" my children. It's not about technical information about periods or whatever else. That can be obtained anywhere, and at the right time, of course every child should get educated.

It's about values...

↑ cassandra ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:37 pm

I grew up frum so I knew those things weren't an option for me, but they were still interesting to read about just like I like reading about other countries and cultures. Maybe if I would have read a book about a frum girl with those issues it would have been different, I would have been very shocked when I was 11 to learn that there were frum teenagers who were s-xually active (to any extent) for example. But those books don't really exist (I did read Sota in 7th grade, but that isn't really my world either, plus there wasn't really anything to be envious of.) I always went to an all girls school.

As always, I think it's a matter of being proactive rather than just banning things. If you give your children a good education you don't have to worry as much as if you just try to shield them from the outside world. Because the good kids who are shielded will stay good, just as they would stay good no matter what, the curious and out of the box kids who are shielded will have a much harder time of it and it will lead to rebellion. (Which is why I don't get why the mom who snuck Judy Blume books into her home wants to put her kids in the same position. You didn't listen to your parents but you assume your kids will listen to you?)

↑ leomom ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:44 pm

cassandra wrote:

As always, I think it's a matter of being proactive rather than just banning things. If you give your children a good education you don't have to worry as much as if you just try to shield them from the outside world.

But I don't see it as banning, or of shielding them from the outside world. Outside influences are there no matter what. That doesn't mean we have to choose to have our children cozy up on the couch with them. There are lots of books I wouldn't choose to have my children read. If one of my children really wanted to read something that I disapproved of, and made a case for reading it despite my objections, I would address the specific reason I don't approve of the book for them, and probably end up letting them read it with some advance discussion.

That kind of thing has happened occasionally. My kids don't feel stifled by the fact that I monitor what they read. I think overall they appreciate that I care about them and about what goes into their minds and hearts.

↑ cassandra ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:48 pm

As long as there is real dialogue between parent and child I think that's fine, and probably even beneficial to the child. I'm not sure that all parents who want to keep their kids away from certain outside influences handle it so intelligently.