How much $ is normal for kallah housewares?

amother

↑ Waterlily ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 10:38 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

That's insane to spend 3.5k on linens and bedding. And why anyone needs 3 sets is beyond me.

Yes $3500 includes pillows and blankets. When I got married getting Euro pillows at $100/piece x 2 per bed for a total of $400, plus 2 throw pillows at $100 each. So we’re at $600 for just extra pillows that are not even used. Good down pillows and blankets were probably another $600-$700. Also I got 3 regular sets no white. White sets are not our minhag. I got extremely good quality linen and they have upheld really well all these years. I’m hearing the prices now in the regular Jewish stores are not that different.
(As an aside I never got linen as a kid with the promise that I’ll get good quality sets when I get married, so my parents did splurge a little more than normal at that time)

imaima ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 11:03 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm marrying off my first daughter. I am keeping track of my expenses. With me trying to be careful, and a daughter with fine taste, I already reached close to 5k!!!
I know there were some extras, such as Shabbos China and cutlery, plus extra table setting pieces, like chargers and napkin rings. My daughter says that many kallahs get the above.
This amount includes as well, linens, towels, bedding, and household supplies.
Is this amount normal?

I don’t think the tchatchkes like coasters and napkin rings should be a part of it. Like, she will acquire different styles along the way according to her taste. Two sets of linen per bed should also be enough I guess? How many did you get?

↑ imaima ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 11:09 pm

amother Clover wrote:

I started buying and stockpiling when my oldest was about ten. She got to buy one set for her wedding, but the rest was what I had bought over the years. Same with a lot of the kitchen supplies.

I was able to buy on sale, but I don't know exactly what it came to. Because it had been spread over years, it wasn't an extra expense at the time of the wedding.

How can you do it? Did you know where she would settle? For linen alone, different countries have different bed and bedding sizes. And what if they don’t like the designs? My mom did the same and gifted me a few sets of mismatched sheets that looked obsolete in terms of design and function. I think I have used them for a bit for emergencies like a back up if the baby puked all over our regular linen.

↑ imaima

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 11:11 pm

amother Waterlily wrote:

What do you mean you never got linen? what did you sleep on?

camp123

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 11:28 pm

"Normal" is very dependant on the community you live in and your lifestyle.
I think people who think you can ask questions about what's "normal" on Ima mother where there are people from vastly different walks of life are living in lala land.
Where I live people would never spend that sort of money on linen or buy chargers for a kallah, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't. What you should do, if you want to know what's normal in your community is specify what community you are talking about.

amother

↑ Clover

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 11:48 pm

imaima wrote:

I had no expectation that my children would settle anywhere other than Israel, the country where they had grown up. If they had, it would have been up to them to make it work.

Solid colors and classic designs work at anytime. You get a sense of how children's tastes are developing as they grow up. None of them gave complained, and they use the sets regularly.

Things like kitchen knives aren't really subject to fashion.

Chayalle ↓

Yesterday at 5:25 am

amother OP wrote:

Those are extras they get as gifts if they are lucky. We didn't purchase those, but DD's got China as gifts. One DD got Shabbos cutlery as gift from Chosson's grandparents, the other uses same for Shabbos and weekday. No chargers or napkin rings that I know of.
Yes to linen, towels, bedding, etc....Nowhere near 5K.
Do you know how to say No?

amother

Daffodil ↓

Yesterday at 5:40 am

amother Waterlily wrote:

Pray tell, why does a 18-20 year old kallah need euro pillows and throw pillows?

And why can they only sleep on the highest quality linen?

This is an example of why the cost of weddings have skyrocketed in some communities. These are young adults, just starting their lives. They don't need to have the highest quality, the best that's out there or stockpile for life - all on their parents dime. If the parents can afford it, that's another story. But when the majority is financially strapped, this is literally insane.

The young adults will IY"H have their entire lives to upgrade and gift each other stuff. No need to suck the parents dry, it's really a display of poor middos (to put it mildly).

Tiredwithjust2

Yesterday at 6:29 am

Wow. I’m sorry, but I’ve been married over 10 years and still can’t fathom spending even $1000 on linen. Maybe things were different for me because my husband and I either relied on shower/wedding presents or had to buy our own items because our parents didn’t buy anything for us. We still don’t have shabbos china or chargers or napkin rings (well except whatever the kids have made as projects). Am I clueless and parents are really expected to completely set up a newly married’s house?
Let’s say that’s expected. Then If you can’t afford it, you get basics and let them fill in extras as time goes on. Even if you can afford it, I’m not sure I agree with it completely and would do every little thing. I’d set a budget or say I’ll buy xyz.
And whoever said to call your local chasunah mall….ummmm I don’t think most people have been to such places or even heard of them unless they’re in Lakewood or Monsey.

↑ Chayalle ↓

Yesterday at 6:30 am

amother Waterlily wrote:

I got my girls wonderful quality down pillows and quilts on Amazon for a fraction of these costs.
We even splurged on Linen, some from Pottery Barn, some from Aura Home, and they were not crazy expensive like some of the prices I hear around the place....

pause

Yesterday at 6:50 am

Tiredwithjust2 wrote:

My parents did buy me linen and didn't spend anywhere near that much, so no that's not why. It's about the mentality that a kallah needs to get everything from A-Z because after her chasuna the stores won't sell her stuff anymore. She needs to get everything she might need in her next 20 years of life. Everything needs to be top quality and brand name in order to hold up for those 20 years.

Thankfully, I wasn't raised with that mentality. My mother bought down blankets and pillows when she found them on a great sale before I was even engaged. We bought linen in a Jewish store, but the most expensive set was under 400. The other sets were less. They held up beatifully for many many years.

Same with other housewares. I got basics that are still in use today, but no Shabbos china or cutlery. No napkin rings. No vacuum cleaner. What will DH get me for a gift if my parents buy me everything? Wink

Same is with kallah clothes. Pray tell, why does a kallah need brand new of all clothes she owns? I'm sure the stuff she wore 2 months ago didn't tear or stop fitting since she got engaged. I don't get it, and I hope my DDs will be the same way.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Yesterday at 6:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Many kids tell their parents "Everyone gets XYZ". Do you believe them 100% or not?

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Yesterday at 7:10 am

amother Daffodil wrote:

Pray tell, why does a 18-20 year old kallah need euro pillows and throw pillows?

And why can they only sleep on the highest quality linen?.

Ever heard the story of the Princess who couldn't sleep in her luxurious bed and sheets as someone has placed a dry pea down on the mattress (to check if she was a real princess)
Sarcasm alert

Story by HC Andersen for children.

honey36

Yesterday at 7:12 am

I'm not going to comment on the money aspect per say, but I do want to say I regretted a lot of my purchases as a kallah.

We got lots of dishes (weekday, Shabbos, milchiks) and we didn't have a dishwasher so ended up just needing 2 of everything because no room in sink and had to either wash everything right away or used disposable. Once we had kids, I prefer them to use hard plastic or corelle type dishes anyways. So yeah, lots of dishes collecting dust in my cupboard. Yes, I began using them more eventually, but still it was a shlep keeping them all these years (a few moves in between like most young couples). Same with extra linen and other random housewares.

You need to spend some time running a home to see what you really need before just splurging and buying everything.

So yeah, I would say just buy the basics basics, as minimal as you can, then as your family grows you can add to it as you see fit.