Bar mitzvah during the 9 days?

amother

Sunflower ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 9:46 am

I was going to say do (my son bar mitzvah was during sefira withouit music and was still gorgeous) but I forgot about the Shabbos clothes issue.

(My vort was during the 9 days due to logistics. Only chosson and kallah were allowed to wear Shabbos clothing. We were not allowed to buy new gifts to exchange, no music, we took our own pics, etc )

It might be good to postpone.

amother

↑ Bluebell

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 9:52 am

amother OP wrote:

Who paskens this?
Obviously no music but honestly I wear makeup everyday- even in the 9 days. (Of course I don’t apply on 9 B’Av)
I’ve seen clips of bar mitzvahs that took place during the 9 days with kumzits style singing- not dancing…

I guess we’ll have to ask a rav.
Not sure if our son will even appreciate dancing with music at his bar mitzvah because he’s very shy.
The rest of my kids will be devastated if we don’t do something extra nice since he’s the youngest boy in our family of mostly girls. Meaning my girls were really looking forward to having nice dresses, wearing a little makeup which they don’t normally do.

This is becoming complicated while trying to do the right thing and pleasing everyone- specifically the bar mitzvah boy.

Its fairly mainstream to say no Shabbos clothing during the Nine Days. No makeup except what you normally wear.
No dancing even to vocal singing is also fairly common.

Obviously speak to your own Rav and do what you're told.
But having many 9 Days restrictions, especially in a simcha is not a very extreme shita.

amother

Junglegreen ↓

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 11:23 am

amother Bluebell wrote:

We were told that we should make something small like bagels for 10 men on the bo bayom.
But also, we were told that the only people allowed to wear Shabbos clothing were the bar mitzvah boy and his father. Everyone else had to wear weekday clothing.
No hair done, no makeup, no nails
No music. But also we were told no dancing even just singing.

Not everyone is as machmir.
But yeah. Aylor

Same thing for the one that I attended. No one was allowed to wear Shabbos.

I have one during the 3 weeks but not the 9 days and I am actually doing it a little early so we could have music because like someone else mentioned if you wait for after the full 3 weeks, you hit camp.

There's no actual chiyuv for a seudah. So the night affair is more for the bar mitzvah boy than anyone else and this is what he chose.
On his bb he will get an aliyah etc.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 11:29 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

Making it early? I didn’t think of that. I was thinking about later which yes, gets in the way with people not being able to be there.
It’s an idea but it might be too early for us.

amother

↑ Junglegreen

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 11:35 am

amother OP wrote:

Making it early? I didn’t think of that. I was thinking about later which yes, gets in the way with people not being able to be there.
It’s an idea but it might be too early for us.

I asked the event planner, she said it's very normal to do early or late.

He can't lead bentsching or say kaddish by the siyum, but someone else can.

amother

↑ Sunflower

Wed, Nov 06 2024, 11:42 am

amother Junglegreen wrote:

I asked the event planner, she said it's very normal to do early or late.

He can't lead bentsching or say kaddish by the siyum, but someone else can.

That is what I was thinking. Early he can’t lead the mizumin by Benching

If he is making a siyum he would probably want to wait until the 9 days anyways.