Could I tell 15 yr old son I'm disappointed in him

amother

Slategray

Sun, Oct 27 2024, 9:14 pm

OP, I'd like to tell you about my youngest son. His older brothers started going to shul on time, every day, from the day they were bar mitzvah. White shirts and dark/black pants. This youngest one did not follow them. He didn't like going to shul. Was in yeshiva, but a yeshiva where they were happy to 'keep the boys on the derech'. He is extremely bright and we were told he has the potential to be great. But after HS he tried bais medrash. Lasted for about a month and decided he wasn't cut out for it. I told him that if he was coming home, he had to find a job. He did. Then fought his yeshiva for his diploma so he could get into college. (they preferred him in yeshiva, and didn't want him to go to ollege, so pushed off giving him his diploma). Went to a 2 year college and learned a good skill. Then decided he wanted to do something else instead.

Through all this time he rarely went to shul on shabbos or weekday. (He may even have been using his phone on shabbos, but I can't confirm that). He preferred black shirts to white ones on shabbos. T-shirs and denim during the week. I bit my tongue hard and tried to accept him as he was. Not an easy task when I had been hoping for something else for him. Yes, I sometimes vented to others, but never to him. He knew what I wanted, yet had his own path to follow.

One day we were talking with a non frum neighbor, and this son startled me by how vehemently he 'defended' HKBH to her. That helped me see him in a more positive light.

When he go married-to a more modern girl than I would have chosen-I learned to love her too. I see the positive in him. He actually started going to minyan regularly-3x a day-even became a gabbai in his shul. He works, does a lot of chessed, and is well liked by everyone. He just started a new job. And his boss would prefer he daven shacharis and start later, than start early and miss davening. Which is really nice as he mentioned to me that he had been so busy at his previous job that he'd been slacking a bit in minyan.

Today I am as proud of him as I am of any of his brothers!