What would you do | Imamother

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 10:33 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

I’m feeling conflicted about this. On one hand, I understand your hesitancy, but on the other hand, I wonder about the importance of emulating Avraham Avenu.

What does the mitzvah of hachnasas orchim truly entail? Is it solely about hosting family, friends, and acquaintances?

Surely not, and I have hosted stragers who got stranded ath the airpot missing a connecting flight. But they were referred by someone I know or someone someone Iknow knew . It' s not about my convenience or enjoying the guests' company. It's about safety.

↑ Molly Weasley

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 10:59 am

amother OP wrote:

What kind of safety issues concern you?
I've hosted many people over the years without knowing them the slightest. We used to live next to a major hospital.

As I type this, I'm realizing that I had a basement to give. And that may be different. Would they be staying with you?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 11:19 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

At least you knew your guests were Jewish and needed your help.You might not know them but they were real life people.
I need to at least know it' s not a case of false identity and that people I am hosting are not violent or mentally unstable

Ema of 5

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 11:52 am

amother OP wrote:

That's what I thought I would do( meaning finding an excuse), but then the next question would obviously be if I know someone who could. Then what? I won' t refer someone I dont know to my friends and it will look weird if I just say I do not know anyone

So you can say that. “I’m sorry, I don’t feel comfortable asking people to host someone I don’t know and can’t vouch for.”

amother

Turquoise

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 12:00 pm

Molly Weasley wrote:

I was once in the exact same position as the OP. An acquaintance had given my name to someone looking for a place, and because she mentioned my acquaintance, I assumed (wrongly, and a mistake in my part) that this meant my acquaintance was vouching for her. This wasn’t just shabbos, this was over a Yom tov, so it wasn’t just one night/day. Bottom line is, my acquaintance apologized for giving out my name, and this person was NOT someone I would have wanted to have around my kids. She wasn’t physically dangerous, but the things she said (and the arguments she had with people at my Yom tov meals) were not things I would have wanted my kids to hear. BH she left the second Yom tov was over, she couldn’t wait to get out.
Now that I’m thinking about it, it actually happened a second time also, with a different acquaintance. She gave someone my number, turns out she was some sort of egalitarian, messianic, something or other. It’s a good thing my husband wasn’t home that shabbos.
I don’t think the mitzvah entails putting your family members in danger, whether that means physically or spiritually or in any other way.

amother

Azure

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 12:01 pm

If you're concerned about safety, ask for references. The Jewish world is small. If she's normal she'll know people.

You can take proper precautions, but we've always been known for hospitality. Think about all the people posting seminary boys and girls who they have no idea.

She can always give you the name of her Rabbi or the principal of the kids school.

↑ AlwaysCleaning

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 12:48 pm

rmbg wrote:

Youre kidding right?? Chabad should host these strangers? They can google hotels and airbnbs.

It sounded like it was an OOT city thats not very common (if they're asking abt kosher food and safety). Chabad in these places have no problem hosting people passing thru or visiting. I don't understand what the problem is.

amother

Junglegreen

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 12:55 pm

penguin wrote:

If you want to go above & beyond, you could ask for some references, because usually among from people there are not more than 3 degrees of separation, meaning you'll know s/o who knows them or at least s/o who knows s/o who knows them. (As an experiences shadchanit, I can almost always find some mutual point if reference).

You certainly don't have to, but you could tell her you wouldn't host strangers without a personal reference, and with a little mishopachology, you might be surprised.

Right this is what I was going to say, try to ask her for references as your not comfortable with bringing complete strangers into your home.

amother

Aster

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:02 pm

AlwaysCleaning wrote:

I'm sorry, what? You are still assuming that just because they are Chabad they don't care about their children's safety? About their possessions? That they have loads of spare space and unlimited resources?

Most Chabad houses will be willing and happy to host guests for meals (although it could be the Rebbetzin is heavily pregnant, they are going through some kind of crisis, they may not even be in town....), but are not set up to host complete strangers for sleeping over. There are some who might, but please don't ever take that for granted or try guilt a Chabad family into hosting anyone, let alone complete strangers, because you wouldn't have them in your house.

amother

↑ Papayawhip

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:36 pm

amother Aster wrote:

I think you can chill now 😏
I'm a shlucha and understood what she meant. It's ok.
I'm still sticking with my no stranger in the house rules. We love hosting, we'll host anyone who's Jewish but not in our home. We have separate sleeping arrangements for those who need but once again, not in our home.

amother

Springgreen ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 2:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

If your problem is not that you're not able to host, but rather you don't want to host people you don't know, is there no way you can make some enquiries about them?

If there is something 'off' about them I'm sure it will be flagged up and then you can decide. It's a shame if they are a regular nice family you'd be happy to host.

The Jewish world is not that large, someone will know someone who knows them...

Jalapeño

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 2:34 pm

I do a lot of travelling for work and often am the one messaging people in small communities about kosher food, minyan, etc. Not infrequently people will (unprompted by me) offer me shabbos accommodations providing I have a letter from my rav/Rabbi they know vouching for me (unless we know mutual people which happens a lot).

you might not be interested in hosting them regardless, but if you are and just concerned, I think it's totally acceptable to ask for a reference.

it is however, very bold of them to ask!

amother

↑ Opal

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 2:35 pm

maybe it depends upon how vigilant one is regarding one's children and family

while we have an open house

we are very careful about who sleeps over

meals are another story

but sorry to say molestation and other evils do exist in this world

even if a minority

one is too many when it comes to our kids

and truth be told I am allergic to misapplication of frum values and our good middos being misapplied in this day and age all the more so...like being "mevater" for example does not mean letting toxic abusive people walk all over you

hachnasis orchim does not mean one cannot have boundaries...we must respect our own boundaries even if someone else chooses to place their's elsewhere either wider or narrower

if one wants to host a completely open house with sleep overs of strangers one is welcome to do so but not to advise others to override their own intuition judgement and comfort level

or guilt someone into making what for them would be a poor judgment call

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 3:16 pm

I actually looked her up on FB and found out she is friends with someone I know. I have asked that other lady if she knows her irl, and she said yes, no safety concerns here:). I have invited them, however for meals only, not to sleep over.

amother

↑ Springgreen

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 3:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

Good for you!