This summer will be the end of me

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

Mint

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 7:52 pm

What does it mean she didn't get into camp? Camps should not be allowed to do that to a 14 year old. It's cruel to have all your friends go off to spend the summer together while you cant because you didn't "get in". This should be illegal, sorry.

amother

↑ Yarrow

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 7:53 pm

amother Mint wrote:

At a certain point they run out of beds, what would you like them to do?

amother

Lilac ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 8:00 pm

Does she like reading? I stayed home on my own one half as a teen and I went through so many books from the library.

amother

↑ Apricot ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 8:01 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Once they fill all the beds where should they put more kids? On the roof?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 8:09 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Thank you, I'm feeling this way too right now. I wonder if this is why dd seems so angry. I thought she kind of came to terms with it but maybe she really didn't.

amother

↑ Forestgreen

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 8:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you, I'm feeling this way too right now. I wonder if this is why dd seems so angry. I thought she kind of came to terms with it but maybe she really didn't.

She probably is angry. I think you should figure out some fun things to do with her so that when her friends come back from camp talking about the fun they had she will have something to share. My kids decided not to go to camp this summer and I feel like it is important that I do a few really fun stuff with them, in addition to "typical" stuff so at least they have stuff to tell their friends about when they talk about their summer.

amother

Bergamot

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 9:21 pm

I have a teen dd home doing nothing too. I encouraged her to join a gym. She wakes up late, goes to the gym for 2 hours, then shower, lunch. By then it's after 2pm. It's not ideal, but it helps fill the day.

amother

Burlywood ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 9:27 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Also wondering this- did you apply too late? You couldn't find a different camp?

amother

↑ Phlox

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 9:28 pm

Can she make a night camp for younger kids?

tichellady ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 10:45 pm

That sounds hard. I would prioritize having some alone time with her every day or every other day. It’s not her fault you have a toddler. I think this would go far

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 11:14 pm

amother Burlywood wrote:

Also wondering this- did you apply too late? You couldn't find a different camp?

No and no
How is this relevant now?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 11:16 pm

tichellady wrote:

That sounds hard. I would prioritize having some alone time with her every day or every other day. It’s not her fault you have a toddler. I think this would go far

My house is quiet by 9ish every night and I hang out with her at home. But I should focus on doing more fun things with her. Thank you.

It's not her fault that I have a toddler and it's not my fault that she didn't get into camp and that she was hoping to get in til the last minute that she refused to discuss another plan for second half.

amother

Waterlily

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 11:22 pm

Sign her up to a night camp . There are some twice a week and some every night . Also there are teen camps that would even take her for the last 2 weeks . My sister does this she keeps her kids home one half cuz they didn’t get into camp or wtvr . I can’t deal with the stress of entertaining. I am not here to entertain anyone it’s super hard to keep a teen busy and I know my daughters would also be annoyed and screaming at me . No ones allowed to stay home in my house . Summer plans are crucial . But now that she is already home that isn’t helpful at all . So really u need to find a night camp . Or call any day camp locally and ask if she can work there for 2 weeks without pay . U can pay her thru them but even without pay if ur busy is fine . I hope u find a place and don’t be hard on yourself it’s very very very hard to have a bored teenager home all day that thinks your suppose to entertain her .

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 11:44 pm

amother Forestgreen wrote:

Thank you for sharing this. We are actually planning to go on a nice vacation the last week of August so she'll have that. But I would like her to have a happy month too.

amother

Amber

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 11:52 pm

Would she be a mother’s helper at odd hours? Be a “big sister” for a younger kid?
I know I would hire an active 14 year old who can play with my kids some afternoons, or walk with them to a park. She would make some money too and that’s always nice!
That is a very hard age to have so much unstructured time:( hugs.

DrMom

Fri, Aug 09 2024, 12:25 am

amother OP wrote:

No and no
How is this relevant now?

It may explain why she is being so difficult. She was rejected from camp while all her friends were accepted. She probably feels resentful, rejected, and also lonely.

I think learning a skill is a great idea to help her feel a sense of accomplishment and to feel good about herself.

amother

Crystal

Fri, Aug 09 2024, 2:56 am

The money you saved on not sending her to camp can be used (some of it) for excellent trips. I would hire a babysitter to stay with toddler (they can sit in the local park easily) and have some wonderful 1 to 1 time with your daughter. If you feel you can't leave your toddler all day, do half day trips from noon and when your hubby comes home at 6 or so (hopefully) he can take over from babysitter while you're still out with dd.
I would really aim to do 1 big trip a wk and one or 2 half day trips alone with her each wk to make it special
.
toddler won't remember being left with a babysitter. dd will remember you left toddler and spent time with her

dankbar ↓

Fri, Aug 09 2024, 4:33 am

Maybe she can do chessed during day, when your other kids are in daycamp.

Like a help a new mommy with twins, take out or entertain a sick child that can't go to school like a cancer patient. Go keep a bubby in neighborhood company. Do res- hab with a special needs child.

Then she can help you, like you can do things together like bake for yt. Organize things, besides for some chores. Develop photos, put into albums, create scrapbooks.

Organize a backyard daycamp for after hours.

Go swimming. Go on trips/tours/travel.

Then if she helps you, you have more time to spend with her and do fun things together. So you can balance it out. Let's say you tell her, you help me for half a day to get the cleaning, cooking, laundry done, so I have the other half a day to do fun stuff with you, or every other day. Today we'll bake together, organize something like a project together abd then tomm we can do an outing.

amother

DarkRed

Fri, Aug 09 2024, 5:02 am

amother OP wrote:

DD14 is home with nothing to do. She worked first half and didn't get into camp second half. Most of her friends are away now. My other kids are out during the day. It's just me, her, and my 18m old baby. She is so bored. I get it, at that age, you need friends, not your mother. But her behavior is deteriorating rapidly, I'm becoming concerned for her mental health.

I can take her shopping, take her out for ice cream and similar. But I am not able to things like take her to pottery painting or other things that my 18m old can't do. She is going crazy at home, she's bored. She ends up just screaming at me that I'm dysfunctional and not normal and I don't understand. She is also being very bossy and annoying to all my younger kids, normal up to a point but this is with a new level of anger that I don't see from her typically.

I would be happy to find her a job or something but she's not interested because she doesn't have a friend to do it with. I've offered to take her to a craft store to pick out a diamond art or paint by number but she says she has no patience to do it. She's not really the type to have patience for such a thing but now even less because she's so bored and understimulated. She likes to read but doesn't even have interest to do that anymore. I'm really concerned about her.

My heart is breaking for her, she's the type that likes to keep busy. At the same time, my heart is hurting for me too. I'm trying my best to help her and she's not letting me. She wants things from me that I can't give her. The way she's been speaking to me is really hurting me. I mostly ignore it or occasionally say something like I don't expect you to speak that way to me, but for the most part, I realize that she's hurting and lashing out at the nearest safe person. I don't know what to do anymore. I just locked myself in my room.

Well I was eaten alive here yesterday for not dropping everything and taking my teen dd to activities because she craves alone time.
My dd is the same, very unpleasant towards other siblings, to the point that I had to actively tell her off and she stormed to her room. So after all my effort to make it positive for her, the day ended with a sour taste.
Would she take out your 18 m.o. to the park if you pay her? Could be a win-win? Babysit for other moms with babies?
Sending you hugs

amother

↑ Burlywood ↓

Fri, Aug 09 2024, 9:44 am

What I don't understand is how is a child not accepted to sleepaway camp? This isn't school. Are there mental health or other problems the teen needs to deal with? As long as you applied on time before things filled up... How do kids get rejected? This doesn't make sense....what kind of camps were you applying to?

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