Does your dh care if the house is dirty?

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Forum -> Household Management -> Cleaning & Laundry

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Does your dh initiate to clean the house? (Bathroom, mop floors...)

Yes

45%

[ 121 ]

He doesn't notice/doesn't bother him

28%

[ 75 ]

Only will do it if I ask him

26%

[ 71 ]

Total Votes : 267

amother

Cyan

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 3:39 pm

My husband would live in complete filth if I wasnt here. He makes the most mess, and doesnt notice. The kids are older so there are no toys anywhere.
But lets not talk about the bathroom. The kids dont see it either so unless I scrub every while, its disgusting.
He could care less. It bothers me a lot. I have to tell him to clean up after himself and to scrub the bathroom sometimr.

amother

Acacia

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 4:28 pm

Should he?

amother

Snowflake

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 10:42 pm

You didn’t give a choice of he cares but won’t do anything about it except complain or get angry.

613mitzvahgirl

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 11:07 pm

We both do it together as a team effort. We help each other out. Every couple does what they can.

amother

DarkYellow

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 11:11 pm

My husband doesn't help with cleaning except before pesach. He doesn't care and doesn't complain if the house is messy. But he does leave his stuff around and then get annoyed when I move it or put it away, which really bugs me (ex: he'll unbox an Amazon package on the kitchen counter a half hour before I need to make dinner and then expect it to still be there 3 hours later Banging head

). Or be mad if I forgot where I stuck it when he asked for it 2 weeks later.

Sometimes I wish he would be more bothered by mess because then he might help out, but on the other hand, he puts zero pressure on me and even pulls me away from cleaning to take a break. And he's actually pretty neat in terms of eating habits and bathroom and stuff -- it's the kids and I that make the big messes.

simcha12plus

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 11:30 pm

he cleans up and helps me a ton. but ultimately it is my responsibility.
he will even take initiative but not for something like mopping or a bathroom mat

amother

Feverfew

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 11:33 pm

It bothers him , but he doesn’t clean it. He usually just complains about it and does nothing. If I tell him to clean something, sometimes he helps. It depends what it is.

amother

Eggshell

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 11:39 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

This is my husband exactly.

amother

Lightyellow

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 11:41 pm

I don't notice it. I don't really care, except that I feel like I should care. Or if it's something that other people will see. I have ADHD and honestly don't notice things until they're AWFUL and then the thought of dealing with them is so overwhelming.

When we first got married our apartment was a pigpen. And no, I didn't get pregnant right away (IF). Had nothing to do with that. Everything to do with the fact that I had never had to clean when I was a kid, my mom believed in kids being kids, and I had no idea what cleaning a house entailed. And I didn't notice mess or dirt most of the time. Dh didn't either. So we lived in filth.

Then B"H the kids kept on coming and I couldn't function much when pregnant or postpartum or up all night with them, and dh was working longer hours, and we got a cleaning lady.

I need to make a conscious effort to notice mess and dirt now. Dh only notices when the kitchen floor gets "crunchy." He'll sweep it. He'll also do what he can to keep the house running when I'm not functioning -- washing dishes, etc.

So the answer to "what would happen if you didn't do it?" I already lived through that. Didn't mind it fo rmyself, but I don't wan my kids growing up like that.

amother

Vermilion

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 11:42 pm

my husband cares a lot if its dirty or messy. He wont clean it, he just yells at me to clean up and how disgusting it is to live in a pigsty. He's not a very nice guy.

ahappygirl12

Sat, Aug 03 2024, 11:55 pm

Not really, he barely notices unless it's really a disaster. In that case, he'll clean up if it bothers him. But he won't ask me to do it. We have a toddler I'm with full time and I'm also having a really hard pregnancy. He does most of the cleaning around here and that's if it's really necessary. Like our toddlers toys are all over the place.... doesn't bother us really.

amother

Cognac

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 12:12 am

We both care and I clean everything every night. He doesn't really help around the house but he does pay for once a week cleaning help.

amother

Starflower

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:10 am

DH cares more than me. He will clean it himself but has some resentment at the time it takes from his learning. I'm much more on top of things than I used to be but still not up to his standards.

amother

Geranium

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:15 am

amother Watermelon wrote:

He cares, but also doesn't comment or lift a finger.

Mine cares and comments, and will occasionally lift a finger.

amother

Sand

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 4:29 am

No dh and no cleaner. If I don't do it it won't get done.

ImStrong

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 12:28 pm

We both do a lot of the cleaning, but he doesnt initiate. He is happy to help and does it willingly but only when I ask (besides for putting toys away) and honestly whatever he does is better than when I do it.

amother

Pansy

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:48 pm

I voted yes. He cares and he cleans more than I do.

Cheiny

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 4:31 pm

amother Cognac wrote:

We both care and I clean everything every night. He doesn't really help around the house but he does pay for once a week cleaning help.

It’s interesting that several people said, “HE pays for cleaning help.” What exactly does that mean? Isn’t the money both of yours?

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