Sleepovers and brothers

amother

Daisy ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 6:08 am

amother Firebrick wrote:

Just curious, why does it help to pick up your girls at midnight?
A pajama party with brothers of the friends IS okay?
The problem is only from 12am?
If there are brothers hanging around I wouldn’t send till midnight either.
I wouldn’t need to know that the brothers are completely not there.

I had sleepovers by a friend when I was a kid (chassidish). If we were in the kitchen and her brothers or even the father wanted to get a drink we had to vacate the kitchen and only then they can come in…. There were no interactions AT ALL.
We were mostly in her room anyways where her brothers never stepped foot, not before midnight and not after midnight.

In general, yes, issues start later in the night. Earlier, there is more parental supervision, plus people keep their heads more - even kids and teens - when they are not overtired.

amother

Broom ↓

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 12:58 pm

My daughter's school doesn't allow sleepovers. Makes it much easier for me, I can just blame it on the school. And yes I would also be wary of fathers. Of course the vast majority of fathers and brothers are totally fine, but is it worth taking a chance on the few who aren't?

amother

↑ Daisy

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 1:04 pm

amother Broom wrote:

This is a paranoid way of living. Not normal to not trust all fathers out there. Yes, you take all sorts of chances with all sorts of things every day. You can't live being paranoid about life.
I wouldn't send to a school that takes control of parental decisions like that (even though I personally don't send my girls to sleepovers where there are teen boys around.)

amother

↑ Broom

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 10:47 pm

amother Daisy wrote:

I personally know a boy who was molested at a sleepover by a father. Sad

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 10:56 pm

It is so sad how the world has changed.
Sleepovers was one of the best parts of being a kid. I remember sleeping over at one friend many shabbatot. She had 3 brothers. And a father. It was never something that was thought about.
We allowed sleepovers.
I feel like you cant lock your kids in a tower until they are adults.
Teach them body safety and let them live. But thats my humble opinion.

amother

Hydrangea

Mon, Aug 26 2024, 11:53 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Agree. Maybe because I haven't heard any personal horror stories, but sleepovers were the best when I was a girl and I let my 13 year old daughter have sleepovers at homes that I am comfortable with.

amother

Latte

Tue, Aug 27 2024, 5:39 am

Just pointing out that inappropriate touch can happen with the same gender, so education should not place a focus only on boys/fathers, it's more than that.
I would allow a sleepover with a kapital tehillim, if I know the parents, if I know that they're around, and I know who the other kids are.