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-> Parenting our children
amother
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 Yesterday at 6:31 pm
I’m having a hard time with my (almost) 8 yr old. We keep going in this negative cycle and I need to change the atmosphere between us. This is what an average afternoon looks like.
Ds8 comes home in a bad mood for one reason or another, eats supper and recuperates a bit. Then, the negative cycle begins. Everything is too difficult for him and he will never leave his comfort zone so: He won’t knock on a neighbor’s door to play, he won’t play by himself, he won’t do a color by number…..everything is “too hard” for him. I yell that he’s getting big and big people work “hard”. He doesn’t wanna hear of it and yells “no”. I wouldn’t get into this discussion at all, but he’s bored as —-——— He drives me up a straight wall, annoys his younger siblings, refuses to play, begs for snacks all afternoon and I lose it. Can you help me?
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amother
Tomato
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Yesterday at 7:54 pm
Anxiety sounds like a real possibility.
But that’s not an excuse to live life by. Being more understanding can change your dynamic on its own without it being a whole discussion.
When my 8 year old comes home and is like that. Sometimes it sets me off. Sometimes I pick a card game or small game and ask him to play. It takes 10-15 minutes and he handles the rest of the night better.
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amother
Diamond
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Yesterday at 7:59 pm
| amother OP wrote: | I’m having a hard time with my (almost) 8 yr old. We keep going in this negative cycle and I need to change the atmosphere between us. This is what an average afternoon looks like.
Ds8 comes home in a bad mood for one reason or another, eats supper and recuperates a bit. Then, the negative cycle begins. Everything is too difficult for him and he will never leave his comfort zone so: He won’t knock on a neighbor’s door to play, he won’t play by himself, he won’t do a color by number…..everything is “too hard” for him. I yell that he’s getting big and big people work “hard”. He doesn’t wanna hear of it and yells “no”. I wouldn’t get into this discussion at all, but he’s bored as —-——— He drives me up a straight wall, annoys his younger siblings, refuses to play, begs for snacks all afternoon and I lose it. Can you help me? |
Very similar to my dd9 with anxiety (and preteen hormones)
The one good thing is that she loves to read but uses it as an escape and it becomes a power struggle as well.
Right now she's in play therapy and it's helping. I also created a program around our daily schedule. With incentives to follow thru. The power struggle went down a lot and she feels a lot more productive and seems happier.
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amother
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Yesterday at 8:21 pm
| amother Tomato wrote: | Anxiety sounds like a real possibility.
But that’s not an excuse to live life by. Being more understanding can change your dynamic on its own without it being a whole discussion.
When my 8 year old comes home and is like that. Sometimes it sets me off. Sometimes I pick a card game or small game and ask him to play. It takes 10-15 minutes and he handles the rest of the night better. |
He would love if I do that all day. He refuses to play with his brother, but with me or with dh he’ll play anytime. Problem is that he’s not better after I play with him, he doesn’t entertain himself any other way and I don’t have the time to sit and play with him for 4 hours every day
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giftedmom
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Yesterday at 8:29 pm
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Take him for an evaluation. Try to see things from his perspective and have empathy. Yelling will not solve this. He’s clearly terrified of leaving his comfort zone. You catch more flies with honey.
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tf
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Today at 3:41 am
| amother OP wrote: | I’m having a hard time with my (almost) 8 yr old. We keep going in this negative cycle and I need to change the atmosphere between us. This is what an average afternoon looks like.
Ds8 comes home in a bad mood for one reason or another, eats supper and recuperates a bit. Then, the negative cycle begins. Everything is too difficult for him and he will never leave his comfort zone so: He won’t knock on a neighbor’s door to play, he won’t play by himself, he won’t do a color by number…..everything is “too hard” for him. I yell that he’s getting big and big people work “hard”. He doesn’t wanna hear of it and yells “no”. I wouldn’t get into this discussion at all, but he’s bored as —-——— He drives me up a straight wall, annoys his younger siblings, refuses to play, begs for snacks all afternoon and I lose it. Can you help me? |
Find a therapist who teaches PCIT or filial therapy. The dynamics of the atmosphere needs to change. It's not you or him. It's the dance between the 2
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amother
Ginger
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Today at 4:17 am
Sonny, you work on your paint by number for 15 minutes then I'll play uno with you.
Slowly increase the time.
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amother
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Today at 4:28 am
| amother Ginger wrote: | Sonny, you work on your paint by number for 15 minutes then I'll play uno with you.
Slowly increase the time. |
His answer to the offer will usually be “it’s too long/hard”
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