Being there when the kids leave vs when they come home

amother

OP ↓

Yesterday at 10:33 pm

I’ve been thinking about my work schedule and was curious what other mothers think. Do you think it is more important to be present in the morning when your kids are headed to school or to be present to greet them when they come home? I know the ideal is to be present for both, but obviously, that’s difficult to swing with a full-time job out of the house.
My work schedule now generally allows me to leave after my children have left to school but I usually get home an hour or two after them. I have friends who have to leave before their children, and they have their babysitter put the kids on the bus, but are home in time to greet them.
So I love being there in the morning to wish them a good day and send them off with a kiss… but it got me wondering which work setup is better for the kids.

Thoughts?

justforfun87

Yesterday at 10:51 pm

After a long day at school I find my kids need me physically and emotionally to decompress. When I'm not home to greet them I find it throws off the whole afternoon. They are either running to screens or eating a bunch of junk and it's hard to get them back on track.

amother

Firethorn

Yesterday at 10:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Im with you. The morning sets the tone for the day. Sending the kids off with a hug and a kiss starts them off in a good frame of mind.

Also, the morning is so short. So if you're not there in the morning, you have little to no part of their morning routine. The afternoon & evening is much longer, so even if you come home an hour or two after them, you have some time to spend together.

amother

Amaryllis

Yesterday at 10:58 pm

I don't want to make you feel bad but I would try to be home for them in the afternoon. You can say goodbye and give them a kiss before you leave early in the morning but my kids come home bubbling with news from the day and some just need a hug. If I'm ever not present for those first 20 min, half their excitement to share their"news" is gone.

amother

Azure

Today at 12:05 am

Bh I work full time. My hours are 8-4 so I leave around 7:20 and get home around 5. This way I get I see them in the AM, he’ll get them ready and dressed while my husband puts them on the bus. They get home after me (5:15 ish) so BH I feel I get to do both

giftedmom

Today at 12:08 am

When they come home forsure. In the morning they’re just rushing out the door sometimes I don’t even see them. In the afternoon if I’m not home the whole day goes sideways as someone mentioned. Can’t imagine doing that every day.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:16 am

Wow, okay. I see the vast majority think it’s more important to be home in the afternoon. I appreciate all the responses!

Honestly though, my children don’t get on the bus to school until close to 8:30 and their home around 4:15. I’m so happy for the mother who can work full time and do both morning and afternoon… but that’s not very realistic with my kids’ timing and about a 45 minute commute for me.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Today at 12:19 am

I hear what everyone is saying, but when I walk back from waiting with my children at their bus stops and waving to them as they ride off to school and I see a babysitter waiting with my neighbor’s kids for their bus… it makes me unsure that that is necessarily better.

chestnut ↓

Today at 12:23 am

amother OP wrote:

Who are your kids with when they come home?

amother

Daylily

Today at 12:27 am

As a SAHM, I will say I don’t think it makes a difference. As long as you kids know that they are the priority, that you love them, AND what to expect, I really don’t think it makes a different.

Be present for them when you are home and have them know what to expect and what is expected of them when you are not.

What works for you? I think doing what works best for you and not twisting yourself into a pretzel is what will serve them best

amother

↑ OP

Today at 12:28 am

chestnut wrote:

Who are your kids with when they come home?

A babysitter. But she’s not usually the one waiting for them at the bus stop. I have arrangements with family members and friends. I see your point though.

↑ chestnut

Today at 12:33 am

amother Amaryllis wrote:

Usually kids are excited to share their "news" with their parents whenever the latter comes home. It's not limited to the first 20 mins off the bus.

yiddishmom

Today at 12:50 am

I used to take off my neighbors 2 girls from the bus 3 times a week.

I can tell you that it was VERY tough for the girls.

Children come off the bus "exploding" with news that they want to sure from the morning already. It's such a "blah" feeling when it's not Mommy or Totty right there to hear it all out. 30 min later ain't the same anymore.

When I was a girl, one family's mother used to leave shortly before the bus would come and her girls would wait outside with the rest of us. I used to feel so bad for them that their mother couldn't send them off.

But as an adult, I think afternoon is more important.

You can give them a hug, kiss, and wish them a good day before you leave. Also, you already packed their backpacks before, so they know you were there for them to start off their day.

But is it even an option for you to change your work schedule? If not, don't stress. The yoke of parnassah is not simple and sometimes children have to take some of that yoke in some form.... It's okay.

amother

Viola

Today at 1:33 am

Afternoon.

Morning is a practical time, rushing to get ready and get out the door.
Afternoon is for quality time and to give them a safe/loving place to come back to.

I work from home but find if I'm ever working late the kids find it very hard that I'm not available for them.

amother

Peru

Today at 1:51 am

I spoke it out with the family to see what they preferred, what I preferred and what my husband preferred.
Agreed he does mornings as it is about getting through a set of tasks to get out on time and I do afternoons so am present for the explosion of emotions and chat after school, for homework and bedtime. We all agreed that worked the best.

I go to work early like 5am so get up at 4am and home by 5pm most days bh.

imaima

Today at 1:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Whatever makes you a better mom.
Both sending and greeting are important but if you have to choose, choose yourself

essie14

Today at 4:10 am

imaima wrote:

Whatever makes you a better mom.
Both sending and greeting are important but if you have to choose, choose yourself

Exactly this.
I'll add, the option that also makes your work /commute easier makes your whole day better.

amother

Gold

Today at 6:18 am

I leave really early in the morning and DH gets the kids out to school, but my little kids want a little time with me in the morning and don't mind getting up for it so I wake them about 20 min before I leave, give them breakfast, and help the ones that want help with dressing. Then I'm there in the afternoon. So this is another option if you want both and your kids get up early. I'm sure it'll change when they get older though.

NotInNJMommy

Today at 6:18 am

As someone who grew up with working parents and as a working mother myself, seeing off in AM is a bigger priority for me. Setting the tone, making sure we’ve spent some time together in the morning, dealing with morning surprises. There’s still time in the evening even if I’m delayed an hour or two after their getting home.