Do u get out of bed to send off your son to shachris?

amother

Butterscotch ↓

Today at 5:22 pm

Op you have 2 kids leaving together that makes it less lonely.

I also have a 6:15 bus, I walk him to the bus stop & then go back to sleep. I do it both for safety & so he shouldn't feel like everyone gets to sleep late. If I'd have 2 together I may have felt less like it's necessary.

amother

↑ Butterscotch

Today at 5:23 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

Yes. I'm up at 5.30 anyway doing lunches, packing snacks and by 6ish, I've got hot chocolate in a thermos and a fresh omelet bagel sandwich for my son to take with him. He should feel cared for and that I'm there for him, when he leaves and comes home. It's the least I can do to show him how proud I am that he gets up for davening, even when it's hard.

This is really nice & I'm sure he really appreciates it.

To most of us who can't do that, it's also perfectly ok.

amother

Plum

Today at 5:26 pm

When my son was in elementary school I made a real effort. Most days both my husband and I saw him off. And if I knew my husband wasn't going to be home for some reason I made it my business to see him off.
Once he started mesivta, I stopped pushing myself.
Life has changed and it's gotten harder overall for me to get up early.

keym

Today at 5:40 pm

Age matters also.
My boys start minyan at 11.
I wake up with them and walk them to the door. They're still so young.
By 17, I ask them to just say "by Ma" as they leave so my brain can process that they left.

amother

Mistyrose

Today at 5:50 pm

I have my alarm ring when I knew 2 of my boys need to be up and I go into their room for a second to make sure they are and say good morning. Then I go right back to sleep. They knock on my door before they leave and I wish them a good day and good luck and etc. if I knew they have anything important that day (like a test...)

In theory getting fully up for them might be nice, but then I realized it's not worth the tradeoff. If I'm up that early, it means I have to go to bed early. My kids love talking and spending time with me at night and if I go to bed early it means I'd be more pressured to cleanup and prepare for the next day and they will lose out from that. I think they benefit more from having me at night then the morning.

DVOM

Today at 6:07 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

It is so important for a parent (can be your husband too!) to be present to see their child off to school, no matter how early. (Barring extenuating circumstances like right after birth or illness….)
I would make the push to be out of bed and see him to the door, even if you go right back to bed afterwards.
It’s really hard though.

I'm not sure why you think this is so important. My 6th and 8th grade boys set their own alarms, get up, get dressed, pack up, and leave on their own. They'll peak in my room, and if I'm up they'll say good morning.

There's a lot of pride and self respect that comes along with being independent.

amother

Myrtle

Today at 6:17 pm

I did it for the first couple of weeks, then I missed a day and apologized to ds who looked at me like I was nuts and said he doesn’t need me to be up when he’s getting up. So I listened.
Even when I was up for him there was no bonding, ds gets up gets dressed and walks out the door for his ride which comes very on time. There’s no extra time for shmoozing and he doesn’t take any food with him to school that I would help prepare.

amother

Stoneblue

Today at 6:30 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

Just wondering do you always get up for your kids when they leave? Do you work full time? Do you get up in middle of the night for babies? It's easy to make blanket statements like this but each individual is different and everyone needs to do what works for them. Some kids may care if their mom wakes up for them and others may be totally indifferent. Some ladies can go back to sleep when their kids leave and others need their sleep because they have a full day at work so they can pay their bills.

amother

Navy

Today at 7:24 pm

Each parent shines in a different way.
Sone in the morning, some with supper, some with shmoozing etc.
No need to feel bad if your nit perfect in one area.
Im only married five years so this isn't relevant to me. When I was in high school I woke myself up and got out by 7:15 while my mother was still sleeping. I didn't need my mother and it would have been a waste for her to be up for me.
We thought it was so funny my friends mother was up for her and making her breakfast (she was the youngest)

amother

DarkOrange

Today at 7:29 pm

I don’t have kids that are big enough but I always resented my mother for not waking up with me in the mornings. Not my problem you went to bed late, I deserve a mother to see me off in the morning. I would walk to school with friends but my mother barely ever got up with me and I didn’t leave until 8:30

amother

↑ Jasmine

Today at 8:06 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

To answer, yes I almost always got up when they left.
No, I worked part time, from 10-3, Monday- Thursday.
My husband almost never woke up for a baby at night; I did all the night shifts.
Of course everyone needs to do what works for them.
Of course every kid is different.
It’s not a blanket statement, if you read my follow up, I was simply stating my personal opinion.

↑ flowerpower

Today at 8:06 pm

amother DarkOrange wrote:

8:30 is different than 6:15. Don’tcha think?

I am up and at the bus stop with my kids every single morning. I am the only mother there usually. Seems that women aren’t excited about the weather these days.

First year of shachris I go with my son to his bus stop. After that I am up but don’t go out with him. Once he goes to yeshiva ketana I give him a few alarms( deep sleeper) and he is responsible to get up on his own. He comes to my room before he leaves. Its part of the maturing and responsibility for life process…..

If op has 2 sons that leave together then she really doesnt have to get dressed etc to give them att at 6 am when they are anyways half asleep and just want to get out.

amother

RosePink

Today at 8:12 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

I commuted for school and left in the 6:00 hour. I actually liked it when my parents weren’t up (sometimes they were, sometimes not). I enjoyed the quiet mornings with nobody awake yet. For my sons, I wake them up because they don’t always hear the alarm and then I go back to bed.

amother

Eggplant ↓

Today at 8:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have two sons in upper elementary that leave to shachris at 6:15. I have an alarm ring, go wake them, and go right back into bed. Lunch is prepared the night before, and they come to my room to say goodbye before they leave. S/o recently made me feel guilty for not "sending them off". My next bus is 2 1/2 hours later, I never thought of getting up officially for the big boys. Curious what others do. Its not like my kids ever mentioned anything, they just get a quick kiss and goodbye and they're off

You are sending them off. You wake them, you prep their lunch, you kiss them goodbye. You're doing good! Don't let others make you feel guilty. You're a mother & you need your sleep.

amother

↑ Springgreen

Today at 8:35 pm

amother DarkOrange wrote:

Was your mother an overall involved emotionally attentive mother? Why do you deserve her to see you off? I can understand it from a kid’s perspective, but as an adult, can’t you respect that your mother has her needs? Was she selfish in her parenting overall?

It never dawned on me to resent my parents for things I wanted but didn’t get. I knew they were there for me, and understood that they have needs too

amother

↑ Eggplant

Today at 8:38 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

This only works if you get good sleep & don't wake to little several times a night.
It's not sustainable for mothers that don't get a good night's sleep.

Ema of 5 ↓

Today at 8:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

BH none of my kids have to get up that early. We all get up at 7:00, and 2 of my kids leave (usually) before me at 7:30 and I leave (usually) about 5-10 minutes later with another kid.

↑ Ema of 5

Today at 8:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

One more thing. Who cares what other people do? If your kids are ok with it then keep doing it. If they’re not, then talk to them and see what solutions they/you can come up with.

amother

Wandflower

Today at 8:54 pm

A few weeks ago there was an article, interview in the ami about the sanz rebba from EY.

The part that stood out to me was the way to ensure that a bar mitzvah boy should be matzliach is for the mother to send him off, to yeshiva in the morning.

And so I do try every morn to be up and tell him to learn flasig.