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Another naming saga



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amother
OP  


 

Post Today at 3:33 pm
I will change some details for privacy so please don't get stuck on the details.

I have a baby boy and my husband wants to name after his father.
I have a very bad association with the name. I know it's a regular pretty common Biblical name that many of you give and like but I hate it. I hate it as a name. I hate the sound of it. I also don't like it because I know 2 more people with that name whom I really dislike. And on top of it all I didn't get along with my father in law. I have hard feelings towards him.

My husband is not forcing me to give it. He is understanding.

Am I selfish? Crazy?
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Today at 3:35 pm
Just wanted to add that in our circles we very much name only after ancestors.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Today at 3:36 pm
I would name the name plus an additional name and have in mind someone else I’m naming for
If you really can’t do that either then it’s very obvious to me that this isn’t this neshamos name
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amother
Milk


 

Post Today at 3:37 pm
If it's DH father I think it's unfair not to name after him if that's what DH really wants.
Try to compromise by adding a name and call by the second name.
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Busybee5




 
 
    
 

Post Today at 3:38 pm
amother Bisque wrote:
I would name the name plus an additional name and have in mind someone else I’m naming for
If you really can’t do that either then it’s very obvious to me that this isn’t this neshamos name


Agree! And mazel tov on your baby.
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amother
Purple


 

Post Today at 3:44 pm
This is tough, and I'm normally in favor of not caving to naming pressure, but this is your husband's parent. It would probably really hurt him if you don't. Admittedly my situation was slightly different because my only problem was that I really hated the name (no negative associations, and dh's parent passed before I even met him, so I never knew that IL) but yes, one of my kids has a name I don't like. I don't hate it anymore, because it is my child's name, but it never grew on me either. I call this child an unrelated nickname (think like Pumpkin) because I just don't like the name. But dh would have been devastated not to name after his parent and I couldn't do that to him.
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amother
Cappuccino


 

Post Today at 3:57 pm
My father was niftar when I was young. I would have been devastated if my husband would not have agreed to name after him. Even if I would give in, I don't know if I could forgive. I think every time I used that kids name I would resent my husband.

Do you hate your FIL and his name that much that it's worth doing this to your dh?
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amother
Mintgreen


 

Post Today at 4:13 pm
I am pregnant BH. If it’s a boy we’re naming after dh father. Who was not nice to Dh to say the least but he tried his best. Dh wants to give them name, it’s not my place to get involved.

I’ve chosen other names, in fact the last two kids I chose the names from my side. I’m letting Dh have this name. It’s not my favorite name in the world but it’s not bad. Dh even wants to use his father’s English name on the birth certificate which I hate the name and don’t like giving English names for birth certificate, but I asked myself- who does this mean more to? Does it mean more to him or to me? And the answer is in this case it means more to him so I’m going to give it to him.
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amother
Marigold


 

Post Today at 4:13 pm
It would probably mean the world to your husband if you can give his father's name.
Is there a nickname you would be happier to call dc by on a daily basis?
Or a second name and call by both names?
Good luck with your decision, and try not to let your pregnancy hormones dictate. ie. No quick decisions here, take your time to decise
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amother
DarkOrange


 

Post Today at 4:14 pm
If your dh wants it, it really isn't fair of you. However, I can totally understand the feelings that its causing you. And there is no way you wouldn't feel like that. And its a problem.

If you don't, it will effect your marriage.

So play around with adding a name, using a nickname. Have the origin of the name tanach person in mind.. See what you can do.

Maybe go alone to speak to a Rav.

I hope you find a peaceful path forward.
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amother
Dustypink  


 

Post Today at 4:17 pm
..it could end up going other way where a name is important to you and husband doesnt like it.
Its a two way street.
If it was some random relative I think it would be a different story but this is pretty close to home for your husband. I think you should bend a little
The name will grow on you as you love your son and all he stands for
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amother
  Dustypink


 

Post Today at 4:19 pm
amother Milk wrote:
If it's DH father I think it's unfair not to name after him if that's what DH really wants.
Try to compromise by adding a name and call by the second name.


Depending on circles adding a name is not always correct so isnt helpful in that case if relatives always feel like child not really named after deceased relative since the name isnt the same
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Today at 4:23 pm
I'm reading all the replies. Thanks so much for taking the time!
Some replies made me cry, in a good way. There are so many emotions involved.
I still want to reply individually to many posts.
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Today at 4:24 pm
amother Mintgreen wrote:
I am pregnant BH. If it’s a boy we’re naming after dh father. Who was not nice to Dh to say the least but he tried his best. Dh wants to give them name, it’s not my place to get involved.

I’ve chosen other names, in fact the last two kids I chose the names from my side. I’m letting Dh have this name. It’s not my favorite name in the world but it’s not bad. Dh even wants to use his father’s English name on the birth certificate which I hate the name and don’t like giving English names for birth certificate, but I asked myself- who does this mean more to? Does it mean more to him or to me? And the answer is in this case it means more to him so I’m going to give it to him.
This is a very smart way to look at it!
And honestly, It means more to me.
I have a very strong feeling to a name. More than the average person.
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amother
  OP  


 

Post Today at 4:26 pm
amother Bisque wrote:
I would name the name plus an additional name and have in mind someone else I’m naming for
If you really can’t do that either then it’s very obvious to me that this isn’t this neshamos name

Busybee5 wrote:
Agree! And mazel tov on your baby.
it was really comforting to read these!
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amother
  OP


 

Post Today at 4:31 pm
My husband is not insisting or pushing me to give the name.
We had this discussion for the past few years already and now finally had a boy. So it's not a hormonal decision.
I don't feel like giving the name. My husband let's me make the decision but yeah, even though he's not saying it I'm sure he'd be happy to give it.
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Today at 4:33 pm
First of all mazal tov
You should only have nachas from your little boy

As someone who sadly enough had to name my baby after my father I just want to say that it means the world to me. I didn't even like the name but it's the hardest and most special thing to do. And yes by now I love the name too
Please give your husband this huge gift! It's probably the biggest gift you could give him!

And if you can I would even suggest not to add another name if that's what your husband prefers

Lots of hatzlocha and feel good
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artist770




 
 
    
 

Post Today at 7:44 pm
Another vote to do two names and use the one you like
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amother
Electricblue


 

Post Today at 7:54 pm
It sounds like you’re looking for validation to not use the name.
If you’re looking for a way out, I’m sure there are other imas who will make you feel better about it and give you good reasons why you should follow your heart.
However, it is this ima’s opinion that you should of course give your husband the gift of the name, not even a question.
I believe that that is the right thing to do and that deep down you know that.
Bshaah tova and I hope you find clarity.
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