Do u get out of bed to send off your son to shachris?

amother

OP ↓

Today at 3:18 pm

I have two sons in upper elementary that leave to shachris at 6:15. I have an alarm ring, go wake them, and go right back into bed. Lunch is prepared the night before, and they come to my room to say goodbye before they leave. S/o recently made me feel guilty for not "sending them off". My next bus is 2 1/2 hours later, I never thought of getting up officially for the big boys. Curious what others do. Its not like my kids ever mentioned anything, they just get a quick kiss and goodbye and they're off

amother

Ruby

Today at 3:30 pm

Bh we were able to work out a carpool, because 6:15 is way too early for us. Minyan doesn't start until 7:45 so we didn't feel it way fair for them to have to get out so early in elementary school.
I responded that I get up for him, but that's at 7.

mha3484

Today at 3:35 pm

Always. I am up drinking coffee, making lunches, hearding everyone along all morning but my son leaves later. DH takes him at 7:30-7:40 ish. But I like that he sees me up and about when he's getting up.

amother

Jasmine ↓

Today at 4:00 pm

It is so important for a parent (can be your husband too!) to be present to see their child off to school, no matter how early. (Barring extenuating circumstances like right after birth or illness….)
I would make the push to be out of bed and see him to the door, even if you go right back to bed afterwards.
It’s really hard though.

Sewsew_mom ↓

Today at 4:02 pm

No. And I don't feel guilty. I'm a very present mother and I'm available only certain hours. 6am isn't one of them.
My son is super responsible and makes sure to have everything the night before and wakes up himself.
If I wake him and pack his stuff I'll be doing it until he's married. And than his wife will need to take over. No thanks. Let her be a wife. Not a care taker.

With that being said... They go early at such a young age. Could be when he was younger I did get up with him.

↑ Sewsew_mom

Today at 4:05 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

When you say it's so important is that a generalized concept for all children, all ages? I'm curious where you heard this. I feel like this can come across as shaming many many mothers who simply are unable to do this and there is no right and wrong.

amother

Springgreen ↓

Today at 4:07 pm

If you are generally there for your children and in tune with their needs specifics don’t matter. Make your life work and prioritize their overall emotional health over getting stuck on details. I promise you they will be okay and maybe even happier that you are well rested.

amother

Celeste

Today at 4:11 pm

The first year that DS went on the Shachris bus I was up with him every morning.
Now he’s super responsible to get himself out, but his little brothers and father are all up when he leaves. DH is usually already at his shiur when DS leaves. No, I don’t get up anymore to see him off and feel zero guilt about it, I’m extremely present when he gets home.

amother

↑ OP

Today at 4:21 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

I also feel this way. Some ppl are very into following rules, like THIS is how it should be done. Funny story, my friend and I were listening to a speech where the speaker mentioned its important to ask kids every day what was best and worst part of day. I hear my friend on phone with me, distracted, asking kids "tell me quickly, best and worst part of day?" She feels great shes following the "rules". Much more important the general atmosphere in the home, if its a happy, accepting, loving, warm environment

Hashem_Yaazor

Today at 4:28 pm

Depending on my stage in life, I did or didn't. Some years, my husband joined and I felt less guilty.
This year, almost every day I have seen my 6th grader off at 7:25 because it's worked out for me to.

amother

Turquoise

Today at 4:31 pm

My son’s in 9th grade. His van comes 715, not even so early. I was up to say goodbye to him every day, and one day I slept through (he sets an alarm, he’s very responsible, I don’t have to wake him). I apologized that night for not being up, and he waved it off saying ma idc, you can sleep, I need to be up, not you! He wouldn’t say that if he really cared. I’m almost always up, but since then I didn’t make it a huge priority unfortunately. I do feel guilty when I wake up and see he’s gone already, though that doesn’t happen often. He’s my only boy, rest are girls who start later and are still sleeping by then

amother

↑ Springgreen

Today at 4:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

Everyone should do whatever works for them, but I find that following rules is sometimes a short cut to not have to be constantly “on” and reevaluate what needs to be done.

amother

↑ Jasmine ↓

Today at 4:59 pm

Sewsew_mom wrote:

A lot of parenting speeches have mentioned it, but this has also been my personal experience.
I didn’t always do this for all my kids and I regret that I didn’t have the fortitude and wisdom to see how much it would matter to them. Nothing happened if I didn’t, the ones that I didn’t wake up for aren’t carrying any grudges or anger. At least not that they told me. But the ones that I got up for, they told me that it really made such a difference and they appreciated the fact that I woke up special to wish them a good day and show them that I’m there with them.
Obviously each mom can only do what they are able to. No shame or judgement, we are all trying our best. OP was asking for opinions, I think, and this is simply mine.

honey36

Today at 5:00 pm

Yes for first few days of school until he got used to it. Now, not usually.

At first I felt bad- I'm sleeping in more than him and he's just a kid! But then I remembered - I'm also waking around 12, 2 and 4 most nights to feed the baby, so don't really feel guilty not having to wake up at 6:45 also.

amother

Burgundy

Today at 5:06 pm

Yes. I'm up at 5.30 anyway doing lunches, packing snacks and by 6ish, I've got hot chocolate in a thermos and a fresh omelet bagel sandwich for my son to take with him. He should feel cared for and that I'm there for him, when he leaves and comes home. It's the least I can do to show him how proud I am that he gets up for davening, even when it's hard.

amother

Burlywood

Today at 5:09 pm

My 11 year old son is very responsible BH.
His alarm wakes him, he gets ready by himself and by the time he needs to leave, my alarm wakes me and I walk him out the door and wait for his bus with him.
It’s only his first year and so far so good BH

amother

Violet

Today at 5:20 pm

amother Springgreen wrote:

Totally agree.
You can also share this with them. "Thank you for seeing yourselves off, so proud of how responsible you are. I'd love to be more available but am prioritizing rest to be the best I can be". Great lessons to impart, helps make good future husbands, right?