Do u get a weekly allowance from ur husband?

amother

↑ Oak

Yesterday at 10:01 pm

amother Caramel wrote:

Because they don't have an allowance.
They have access to their SHARED money.

How is it relevant whether it’s on card or cash though?
Op never mentioned cash. Why are people assuming an allowance means handing out crumpled dollar bills. Maybe he’s giving her a credit card and only allowing her to spend a limited amount?

amother

↑ SandyBrown

Yesterday at 10:05 pm

amother Oak wrote:

She literally said she gets a debit card that he has to put money in after she gets permission. A credit card at the end of the day you can spend what you need without a limit. Obviously you can have an agreed upon budget.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya

Yesterday at 10:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

He owns his buissness and all the money goes in a buissness account.. he doesn't want I should know how much he has there cause he is saving up to buy a house.. I want a weekly wage so I could buy whatever I want without telling him what I buy...
Therepist said she doesn't know th amount what's normal for my household size... husband pays all bills grocerys..........
Need weekly money for if I need to buy clothes.. other things

If he buys a house, please make sure it is in both of your names. Owning your home should be a joint pursuit for the stability of your family.
Assuming you are a SAHM as a joint decision, your value in the marriage is equal to his.
If you supported him while he earned a degree, his degree is your degree to some extent.
Your goals here have to include SB and healthy communication - not just a number.

You are asking about a weekly wage to buy what you want.
Only you can know that. My budget will reflect my income, needs, wants, etc. Wont help you.

You really have to review your needs and make an appropriate budget from that. I would sit down and seriously chart your spending for the past year, if you can access that from your cc/debit cards (unless you have been spending cash). To the best of your ability.

Your spending is obviously going to fluctuate according to season and other needs (family simcha etc).
Once you have a better idea of your needs. You then have to decide if you need more or less. Saving for a home is a big deal and many of us tighten our belts to achieve that. Its worth it.

Perhaps your husband will take you more seriously if he sees you reading books on budgeting like Dave Ramsey. It would be good to open a convo with him in a mature, objective and well researched approach.
I know money is a sensitive and emotional topic. A lot of our approach to money comes from our upbringing, so factor that in. Try to understand where he is holding.

Having said all that. I dont think its a healthy thing for you not to know what is going on in his business. A healthy marriage has no secrets. You will have to strategize how to gain his trust to open up to you on this. His business is yours as well. From experience I know many almanos who had to quickly step into their husbands shoes in his business (you should never know from it). Does he have a partner? Do you know what debt the business has? Do you know your husbands accountant? These are goals to strategize for. Trust me.

↑ shabbatiscoming

Yesterday at 11:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

Op, your situation is not the norm, this is why many are finding it too hard to give you a actual amount.
In a normal marriage, one spouse owning a busness does not mean the other wont hve access to that account. Why does he not want you to know how much is there?
And it would be the both of you saving up, not judt his. In so many mrriages, even if only one spouse is wotking, that money is both the spouse's.

amother

↑ Caramel ↓

Yesterday at 11:30 pm

amother Oak wrote:

I didn't mention cash vs card. I'm discussing ACCESS to the money.
Do you see the difference?

amother

↑ Caramel

Yesterday at 11:31 pm

And yes, money is accessed with card/online these days
People don't have pipes of cash in treasure boxes in their basement, so when people mention cards it's relevant
They're actually referring to being able to access their shared money

amother

↑ Stoneblue

Yesterday at 11:53 pm

I put this as a separate spinoff but sharing it here too. OP if this article resonates with you, please make sure your therapist understands what’s happening. I hope she’s able to help you.

https://nnedv.org/content/abou.....nces.

amother

Banana

Yesterday at 11:54 pm

OP’s situation would make some sense if this couple is in a process of divorce, where he plans to buy a house (without her) and she plans to spend his money (while she can).

amother

↑ OP

Yesterday at 11:55 pm

amother Stoneblue wrote:

Bh not.. my marriage is not the best but we have open communication about it and we started therapy.

amother

Apple

Today at 12:19 am

Hi, OP
it's a form of financial abuse .

Therapy has helped me stand up to it and change the way things work in our house
My therapist said I should tell him that I need a credit card too.
He got me a credit card
Now I can shop for things too without asking.

OP, you are in a very hard place
For my dh I don't think it was malicious, it's part of his anxiety and way he was brought up

Therapy has helped me be strong and stand up to crazy. Do I still struggle? Of course! But it has helped.

amother

Sapphire

Today at 7:13 am

Can people stop screaming abuse and just answer the question?
You don't know the background here.
OP I don't live in the US so I can't tell you. I don't have a set amount per week to spend on myself and we're quite tight anyway so not relevant to you.

amother

Saddlebrown

Today at 8:07 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Part of the problem here seems to be that OP's husband is using his business account as his personal account. If he is doing that, it is a problem on a number of levels.

In general, if one spouse owns a business and keeps personal finances appropriately segregated, I don't think the other spouse needs to be involved in the business accounts themselves, as long as they have access to the spouse's personal earnings.

For example, my husband co-owns a business. He and his co-owner both take salaries, and they also take additional payouts periodically. All this money goes into in their personal accounts. My husband puts all his personal earnings into our joint accounts, checking, savings, and investment, to which I have access. If I feel that my husband is not earning enough or I see a decrease in earnings that I am unhappy about, I can speak with him.

But I don't believe it's my right to get involved in the business accounts themselves. To see how much my husband pays his staff, how much his business spends on office rent, how he divides money with his co-owner, how much they spend on IT support for the office and website, and so on. That's his business. If he wanted my input, maybe I would give it, but I don't see it as my right to co-manage those things.