Do u get a weekly allowance from ur husband?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 5:17 pm

amother Daffodil wrote:

If you and your dh are trying to work on a weekly budget for basic necessities (food, household items such as bleach, cleaner, other essentials or regular purchases) you should sit together and work out how much you spend as a family on these items each week, make an average and a float amount for higher spend weeks and he can then transfer that to you in whatever form you agree - cards, separate bank account, cash etc)

This is a normal way of budgeting for a couple with a single income.

It isn't clear what you are describing but it is worrying that you are in therapy for whatever problem this is and not talking to each other about balancing a fixed budget.

It isn't terrible to have an allowance or fixed amount to spend on weekly needs, but it depends on how this is framed, restricted or otherwise negotiated.

My parents did it happily for many years and to be honest it was good to budget and helped them save.

Lots of people who are trying to get off credit card reliance and out of debt have this and it is recommended by some of the frugal websites.

Before jumping to financial abuse maybe talk irl to someone.....

He owns his buissness and all the money goes in a buissness account.. he doesn't want I should know how much he has there cause he is saving up to buy a house.. I want a weekly wage so I could buy whatever I want without telling him what I buy...
Therepist said she doesn't know th amount what's normal for my household size... husband pays all bills grocerys..........
Need weekly money for if I need to buy clothes.. other things

↑ dankbar

Yesterday at 5:18 pm

I'm assuming that her husband pays the bills and fixed expenses, like rent, utilities, tuition. And most probably gives her the money for food bills or when she has specific amount if she has cleaning help. I would think it's more that she would like some money freedom if she wants to buy herself a lunch, or get a manicure, or buy a gift, or something for herself, like new piece if clothing, accessory....correct me if I'm wrong. If this is the case, $500 would be a lot. We don't know how much her husband makes, and if she doesn't have to handle the bills, that might be half of his wages......

I think it's more that he questions why the food bill was so high, or if she has a closet full of clothes why does she need new, or why it's necessary to gift someone, or if he pays tuition, why does a kid need money for school evert second day, he might be saying if you're home, why do you need cleaning help, why can't you do it? Clothing for kids is not every day, it's usually shopping when season starts or when sales happen.

It's hard to advise amount, if we don't know what it needs to cover.

Best is to figure out expenses and budget.

Cheiny

Yesterday at 5:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

If yes what's the normal amount ppl get that have 3 kids.. grocery carservice and cleaning help not included..

Allowance? A spouse shouldn’t get allowance; only children should.
Spouses are partners. Equal partners. They shouldn’t be treated like inferiors or children.

amother

Lightgray ↓

Yesterday at 5:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

In a healthy relationship, you and your husband would work together to save for a house. Your husband is using that as an excuse to hide money from you. You need to discuss numbers and a budget with him. Maybe sit down with a third party to talk about budgeting so you are both aware of your finances and then you can see what is reasonable to spend. Throwing a number out won't help.

amother

Kiwi

Yesterday at 5:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

[b]

I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want you to know how much you’re saving for a house… I’m assuming you’re interested in buying the house as well and have some idea how much houses cost in your area. Why wouldn’t you need to know how much you have and how much you’ll need to borrow with a mortgage?
I cannot relate to this mentality at all. Something is very off about this.

amother

↑ SandyBrown ↓

Yesterday at 5:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

He is saving for a house?? Both of you are saving for a house. Not just him. Are you a child that shouldn't know how much money there is because you will want to spend it? Op you should be able to have open communication about your bills and budget and what is affordable for you. No one can tell you how much you can afford.

amother

Scarlet

Yesterday at 5:37 pm

amother Pearl wrote:

The only time when it's normal for a wife to get a weekly "allowance" is when the husband does also, or vice versa. In which case, if both spouses agree to take out a certain amount of money as spending money per week, and put anything remaining in savings, fine.

I wouldn't say that's true at all.
We have a system (that I wanted to do and asked my husband to do) where he pays all the bills from mortgage, water, electric, medical insurance, car insurance, tuitions, gardener, you name it...
I buy things for the family (food, clothing) and things for myself....I wanted a set amount that he sends me twice a month and then I use the money how I want....
my husband spends on himself (not alot) and he doesn't have a "set" amount, he just uses the overall account he uses to pay the bills from...
I dunno, B'H it's been working for us....

amother

Springgreen

Yesterday at 5:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do you feel like equal partners besides for money? This seems more like a relationship issue than a money issue. Are you working on your relationship?

amother

Orange

Yesterday at 5:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is there a history of you wasting money? How often are you buying clothes?

↑ lamplighter

Yesterday at 6:02 pm

There is no reason for your husband to hide how much money you have. This is not ok. You are a couple and the money is shared. Your not on salary. Get the real numbers and then you can have an honest discussion about budgets and cash. What's his allowance? Ill bet he doesnt have one.

amother

Aquamarine

Yesterday at 6:14 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

We have the same thing too. I really don't mind and he is happy to give me.

amother

↑ Slategray

Yesterday at 6:18 pm

All his money is in his business account?? Not ok at all. There are legal ramifications to this. And for all you know, his business is in debt or there’s a cash flow issue and he’s using your family’s money to fund…he needs to tell you what’s going on and what you have, what his estimates are for saving etc.

amother

↑ Cherry

Yesterday at 8:17 pm

I agree with spring green, there's more here than meets the eye, and more troublesome than the money is what it's saying about the marriage. It's never --NEVER--ok for one spouse to control all the money and to keep the other one in the dark. That in itself is bordering on financial abuse. That he keeps OP on such a tight rein crosses over into outright abuse territory.

amother

↑ Caramel ↓

Yesterday at 8:47 pm

amother Heather wrote:

OP, I'm trying to understand why you don't both have access to a joint account and each of you have a debit card to use as needed. Why do you need to ask your DH or justify any spending? You're a grown adult in a relationship with your husband, not a child, and not in a business relationship.

Unless you have been known to recklessly spend money, this is not a normal arrangement.

Financial abuse 😔

amother

↑ Caramel ↓

Yesterday at 9:59 pm

amother Oak wrote:

Why is everyone saying “I don’t have an allowance, I have card”. Um… one could still have an allowance via card. Cards and cash are interchangeable, it’s such a silly answer.

Because they don't have an allowance.
They have access to their SHARED money.