Do u get a weekly allowance from ur husband?

amother

Oldlace

Yesterday at 12:48 pm

I want an allowance!

I have access to credit cards and cash. I can bh buy food, clothing all within reason. Big purchases are discussed. We both hate spending money, dh hates it more than I do.

Everytime I get a bonus I dream of buying myself something, but end up using it to pay bills.

I wish I had fun money to only spend on fun things. Bh things are tight now, tuition and camp fees are a killer.

flowerpower

Yesterday at 12:49 pm

Start by seeing how much is would be.

Cleaning lady

Food- who does the food shopping?

Clothing shopping- do you need to shop for anything this month?

What are your weekly expenses?

amother

↑ Maroon

Yesterday at 12:52 pm

amother Oxfordblue wrote:

Why can’t we be helpful in her unique situation? Why do all posts have to just preach at op?

I meant that we can be helpful since we don’t know an amount to advise her
Since none of us gets an allowance it is hard to give her an amount
I was trying to help her come up with a way for her to get a fair amount
I am sorry OP if it came up as preaching

amother

Acacia

Yesterday at 1:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Started therapy for this and I was advised to get weekly money thats why want to know what makes sence.. he make avrage money we are not tight bh

I'm surprised that this was the advice you were given. My situation was different but my husband was also financially controlling. I would think the best option is to ask for equal access to all accounts. As long as he's giving you a specific amount weekly, he still has the ability to be financially controlling.

dankbar ↓

Yesterday at 1:10 pm

I understand why her therapist would tell her to ask for amount, it's a first step if she has no access, no cash, and feels like a beggar each time, she needs money, it would make sense that she would have a free amount in advance and be able to decide on her own how to spend it without having to give a chesbon of every penny spent, or have to beg every time she wants to buy something, or worse not having a penny in her purse to buy a water bottle.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Yesterday at 1:11 pm

dankbar wrote:

Thanx for understanding.

amother

cornflower ↓

Yesterday at 1:21 pm

I would prefer equal access to credit cards and bank accounts. If you prefer an allowance, then if you live in NY/NJ, I would ask for $500 per week. It should cover clothing for you and 3 kids, presents, Yom tov costs, tips, transportation costs and odd and ends. It's not for food and not for cleaning help.

Trademark ↓

Yesterday at 1:21 pm

amother Oxfordblue wrote:

Why can’t we be helpful in her unique situation? Why do all posts have to just preach at op?

Her "unique" situation sounds like abuse, and many posters are concerned.

amother

↑ Oxfordblue ↓

Yesterday at 1:23 pm

Trademark wrote:

Her "unique" situation sounds like abuse, and many posters are concerned.

Since she has a therapist guiding her let’s leave it to the professionals.

joker

Yesterday at 1:35 pm

Op can you specify what the money will be used for ?
Is it supposed to cover groceries, rent/mortgage, phone bill, health insurance, clothing, extras, yt expenses such as chanuka gifts for teachers, tuition?
Or is it just for things you need to purchase but dont come as bills? So groceries, extra school things like trip fees, clothing, extras?
Maybe also include ages of ur kids

amother

↑ Oxfordblue

Yesterday at 1:36 pm

Trademark wrote:

Which she only said on page four.

And it's still highly alarming.

And bad guidance here is dangerous.

Op ask your therapist to help you figure out a good number.

amother

Lightyellow

Yesterday at 1:37 pm

Is everything on his name ? You should make sure to have a joint bank account and 1 cc (if you use them) in your name not good to have your spouse name only on everything
Regarding how much weekly it really depends on what you do the spending on , keep receipts and track of everything you buy the next few months and figure out how much basics is costing you on average and then add a little extra for yomtov and misc expenses
Hatzlacha!

amother

PlumPink

Yesterday at 1:48 pm

$500 a week that doesn't include grocery shopping or cleaning help or bills.

My DH struggles with financial anxiety and was being controlling around money when we first got married. He was instructed to give me full access to all accounts and to not question any purchases less than $100 and only ask about spending at our once a month budget meeting.

You need to have equal access and set up a budget. $500 a week budget is a good start. It's not an allowance or a paycheck for taking care of his home and kids, it's a budget category for extra expenses and discretionary funds.

amother

Daffodil

Yesterday at 2:01 pm

If you and your dh are trying to work on a weekly budget for basic necessities (food, household items such as bleach, cleaner, other essentials or regular purchases) you should sit together and work out how much you spend as a family on these items each week, make an average and a float amount for higher spend weeks and he can then transfer that to you in whatever form you agree - cards, separate bank account, cash etc)

This is a normal way of budgeting for a couple with a single income.

It isn't clear what you are describing but it is worrying that you are in therapy for whatever problem this is and not talking to each other about balancing a fixed budget.

It isn't terrible to have an allowance or fixed amount to spend on weekly needs, but it depends on how this is framed, restricted or otherwise negotiated.

My parents did it happily for many years and to be honest it was good to budget and helped them save.

Lots of people who are trying to get off credit card reliance and out of debt have this and it is recommended by some of the frugal websites.

Before jumping to financial abuse maybe talk irl to someone.....

amother

Heather

Yesterday at 2:05 pm

OP, I'm trying to understand why you don't both have access to a joint account and each of you have a debit card to use as needed. Why do you need to ask your DH or justify any spending? You're a grown adult in a relationship with your husband, not a child, and not in a business relationship.

Unless you have been known to recklessly spend money, this is not a normal arrangement.

amother

↑ Lightcyan

Yesterday at 2:06 pm

amother PlumPink wrote:

This is good advice if you can afford it. Its on the high side if you're not well off though. All the rest of the advice is also good.