To my dear guest | Imamother

amother

Tomato

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 7:11 am

I understand that these things can throw off our perfectly planned meal, decor and menu.
However, Can we do the mitzvah of hosting guests without getting annoyed at every little thing?
So let's try to be flexible and make them feel comfortable. So, we will have to add a serving dish, or we will have 2 potato kugels instead of one.
It seems off to me to complain about what guests bring.
Use it, or don't. Serve it or don't. But don't make a federal case of it.
Why are we hosting guests in the first place?
For us?
For them?
For Hashem?

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 7:19 am

amother Tomato wrote:

Yes! When we invite guests, we do it (hopefully) for their sake, not ours. So let's do it the way.

Cheiny ↓

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:42 am

amother Molasses wrote:

If I am hosting guest, and they decide 2 hours before coming to me that they want to bring something, then I would prefer that they send me then a text that they decided to bring xzy. I would really appreciate it so much more then if they just showed up at my house with it.

When I’m a guest I don’t like to run by the host in advance what I’ll be bringing. The answer, during the times I did ask, was, “Oh no, you don’t need to bring anything.” So I don’t ask and I just bring whatever I feel like bringing. If it’s something the host doesn’t need or use, such as wine or chocolates or whatever, they can regift it.

I think it’s unreasonable to expect someone to have to check with their host on what to bring unless it’s someone very close such as a family member or very close friend, and even then, I personally don’t think it should be mandatory.

So if you happen to get an unexpected side dish, why is that so terrible? It’s one item and can either be served for that meal if it works, or not.

I don’t see the big deal. One item. I’ve never gotten upset when a guest brought something unexpected. I just add it to the table as an extra selection. The more the merrier.

Last edited by Cheiny on Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:51 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:42 am

Wow, who knew bringing something without mentioning it could actually cause distress to so many people!

I'm very sad by this post. Sometimes people's lives are hectic and they think they can't help and make anything, but then they carve some time and manage to be able to bring something and have no idea the host gets upset at this. After all the effort.

↑ Cheiny ↓

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:44 am

amother Aubergine wrote:

This, I can do- thanks. And cake. I've learned over the years to never bring a gift with nuts into a house without asking first. And only bring wine if I know it will be appreciated- otherwise the host feels awkward.

Why would a host feel awkward if they don’t need the wine?

↑ Cheiny ↓

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:48 am

amother Anemone wrote:

We don't eat a lot of candy or cake so I disagree that you can never have too much dessert. And if you bring it I need to serve it and I would rather not.

So clearly there’s no consensus here on what the best type of gift would be… some want dessert, some say no. Some say no candy, some say no cake. Some say no flowers. Some say no wine.

I don’t think this should be a stresser. If you get a gift you can’t use, either serve it for the guests, or regift it after. Same as if someone bought you a birthday present or Chanukah gift you can’t use or don’t like. It’s a gift. Say thank you and then do whatever you want with it… you can’t always expect guests to ask in advance what you’d like…

Last edited by Cheiny on Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:52 am; edited 1 time in total

↑ Cheiny ↓

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:49 am

flowerpower wrote:

I host a lot. If I have guest for the meal they usually come either empty handed or bring a wine. I never ever had a guest bring a homemade dish or dessert.

Same, unless it’s close family.

↑ Cheiny

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:50 am

amother Tomato wrote:

Couldn’t agree more.