My 4 y/o is mean | Imamother

amother

Thu, Dec 05 2024, 7:37 pm

Please advise: my daughter is 4 years old y/o in pre-k. It’s not the first year that we’re dealing with these behaviors but she is so chutpahdig to her teacher and classmates that I’m at my wits end on what to do. For example, she will participate in pretend play with her peers and is more often than not the mean bully. She always wants to be in charge and will boss around the other girls, so they will eventually tell the teacher on her. The teacher has said she speaks back to them and will roll her eyes or speak forcefully. She is easily distracted and will walk away from circle time after a few minutes of sitting. She just knows how to push people’s buttons and I truly worry that she will eventually not be liked. And she doesn’t even seem to care! The teacher mentioned that when a student calls her mean she will laugh and walk away.
And on the other hand, she is also charming and bright. She picks up on things so quickly and is super with-it in the sense that she always chops what is going on around her. She is also sensitive-I had a friend whose son got stitches and when I told her what happened she cried and was worried for him. I believe she really senses peoples feelings and attitudes towards her and reciprocates-when she is treated with love, kindness and empathy she will return that to the person as well. She has a 2 y/o sister whom she is forceful with at times but also does know how to play nicely with.

My question is, for all the moms who had a firstborn daughter who was like this. Is this normal? Will my daughter ever change and just be sweet and loving and sensitive to her peers?

amother

Hyssop

Fri, Dec 06 2024, 9:40 am

Are you or your husband similar to that?

Sounds adorable to me but needs some parenting to tell her that others matter.

There was a boy in the shul that used to torture my son. I spoke to this child a few times and asked him why he's doing it. He told me because he likes to. Open and proud.

I made a deal with him that if he doesn't I will give him something and this is the language he understood.

Some children really have a hard time with their middos and need something to persuade them to not be mean.

His parents were extremely distraught by it and they tried to do whatever they could.

They were similar to him when they were younger and they are more tactful now so there's hope that the child will outgrow it.